


You Stink Like Woman!

by JAYJEN11



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Boys Kissing, Fluff, M/M, Sharing a Bed, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 17:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 86,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3945601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAYJEN11/pseuds/JAYJEN11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asylum 14.  Jensen doesn't like sharing Jared with his wife but then Jared gets exhaustion and all bets are off. In the fall out will a love story collapse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is started as a one short but has morphed into a love story. Of course any opinions and comments are welcome

Jared was exhausted, he wouldn’t admit it to anyone but he was completely could hardly lift his head off the pillow, body absolutely aching, exhausted. He couldn’t tell Jensen. Hell Jensen was working on the same chaotic schedule he was plus he had to act the dark side of Dean this year which he knew had taken a lot out of him psychologically. Gen would tell him to suck it up because he had committed himself, for the money, for them and his management team would tell him what they thought he wanted to hear before going into a meltdown about his future commitments. England, Italy, Australia, back to US for Gilmore Girls. Jesus would he even get a break before plunging back into filming again. He could not see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment and it was exhausting him.

He had innocently asked Gen to fly out and meet him in England. He said they hadn’t had much time together, they both had two sets of parents that would kill to look after the kids for a couple of days so come on out and spend some time with him. He had a completely selfish motive and after she had agreed he had discreetly gone to the organisers of the convention. It was always stressful to do a solo panel and both he and Jensen hated doing them because they was so draining and he knew he definitely could not do a panel by himself right now so it seemed like a great idea for the convention staff to suggest Genevieve come on stage with him, what a novelty, a rare appearance by Ruby who became Sam’s real life wife. The fans would lap it up.

There was only one thing or actually one person that kept him going day in and day out and year in and year out and it was the love of his life so after sitting through the panel with Genevieve, worrying about Jensen being by himself although he had organised a distraction and dealing with the solo panel he almost had a bounce in his step as he walked down the hall to the green room.

He walked into the green room, his face lighting up as he saw Jensen and went and flopped onto the couch next to him, the momentum and his weight sliding Jensen into the dip close to his body.  
Jensen turned with a smile to whisper something to him and got a nose full of floral perfume  
“Dude you smell like her.” He blurted  
“What?” Jared asked in surprise  
“Get away from me, you stink like woman.” Jensen said roughly, pushing away from Jared and sliding to the far end of the couch.  
He watched as Jared’s face fell, his eyes looked at him like a puppy who had just been kicked and his six foot four body shrank in on itself  
“Sorry.” He muttered and got up  
“Jared…”  
“Forget it.” He whispered and went and sat in a single chair at the other end of the room.

Jensen hadn't been thinking when he blurted it out. He was exhausted by this convention. He was used to being on stage with Jared. He was used to it being the two of them up there together, their relationship feeding each other’s energy, stepping in for each other with hard, tricky or personal questions. The load was lightened with jokes and quips when they did it together, it was second nature.   
Saturday they had had Jeffrey up on stage with them which meant a little more working at it to get the momentum and the chemistry right and Jeffrey had sat between them so he didn't even have Jared’s energy and warmth seeping into his personal space on stage and he wasn't close enough to touch and pat as questions were fired at them and it was that physical contact, no matter how platonic, that kept Jensen going through all these conventions.  
Saturday night Jeffrey had stayed late with them while he drank too much and mourned the fact he had to go home and put his beloved dog down. Jared had ended up falling asleep in an arm chair before Jeffrey woke him and helped him back to his and Genevieve’s room leaving Jensen by himself.   
Then, for him, the worst of conventions, having to do a solo panel. He didn't like it and he had specified this on numerous occasions, which is why it very rarely happened anymore. He had to do it when the show first started and he was too young and insecure to say no. Now days, with his star power boosting him and the huge number of fans that swarmed to these conventions he could put his foot down and refuse. He was the sole centre of attention, all focus was on him with no one to divert it and the solo panels always seemed more serious because he had no one to joke with and laugh with. No one to let his guard down with, he was tense the whole time as he felt like he was completely transparent to the hundreds of people staring at him.  
Jared knew this, Jared was always there in the background, behind the curtain, in the wings, always close by if Jensen needed him. It usually only took a turn of his head to see Jared there smiling at him, encouraging him on and he knew that if he really looked like he was sinking Jared would grab a mic and come up on stage to break the tension. The crowd would go wild, laughs and jokes would be had and then Jared would drift off stage again after feeding him some of his energy.

Today was different, not only did Jensen have to do this by himself but he had to do it while knowing that Jared was in a different part of the convention hall with his wife. Jealousy coursed through his body at the thought of her out there, getting to share a stage with him, getting to sit close to him, flirt with him for the crowd, touch him, play with his hair and that had all his nerves drawn tight through his panel making him even more tired and on edge.  
Now he sat on the couch feeling like an ass looking across the room at Jared slumped in a chair looking at something on his phone.

“Hi Jensen.” Misha said with a slap to his shoulder as he fell into the couch next to him.

Usually when Misha came along he groaned but he owed him today so he tolerated his sliding down next to him.  
“Hey man, nice conga line.” Jensen smiled, the relief he had felt go through his body when Misha had diverted the attention from him for a few moments was probably the only thing that had kept him sane through that panel.   
“All Jay-pad’s idea man.” He shrugged  
“What?” Jensen felt complete shock  
“He said you would need rescuing half way through your panel and asked me to stick my head out and make sure you were ok, I knew it must have been important if _he_ was asking _me_ for a favour. I got caught up with my coffee break so brought the crowd. Can’t get a better diversion than that.”  
“Jared organised that?”  
“Couldn't get a better best friend than him man. What’s he doing sitting over there by himself anyway?” Misha frowned at the sad figure across the room, usually the two of them were joined at the hip.   
“I was just going over to talk to him.” Jensen felt like even more of an ass now. Jared had been thinking of him the whole time and Jensen had let jealousy take over rational thought.   
As he stood Genevieve came into the room. She automatically looked at the couch, probably also assuming Jared and Jensen would be sitting in it together before frowning and her eyes scanned the room before seeing Jared. She flashed a scowl at Jensen before grabbing another chair and going and sitting with Jared.

From across the room Jensen could see her talking to him, patting his hand, brushing her fingers through his hair. Jared’s head still hung low and every now and then he would shrug or nod or shake his head but he never looked up and he didn't seem to be answering her back. She then stood up, gave him a kiss on the forehead and left him. Jensen could feel the blood boiling in his body with every touch and kiss she gave him. He wanted to jump up and tell her to get her hands off his property, to stop touching and fawning over him but he just sat there grinding his teeth.

“Excuse us Misha?” Genevieve said with a smile from beside him and Misha’s eyes flicked to Jensen’s before he got up with a smile and walked away. Jensen didn’t say anything, just sat there looking at her.   
“What did you do?” she snapped, all friendliness gone from her face  
“Nothing.” He scowled  
“Really? Look at him. What did you say?”  
“None of your business.” He snapped, he felt a like a five year old getting in trouble from his mother and guilt had him defensive.   
“Hey that is my husband over there, I won’t have you hurting or upsetting him.”  
“It was a misunderstanding, I’ll fix it.”  
“Jensen you know what he’s like better than anyone. He wears his heart and his personality right out there for the world to see but that’s also why he gets hurts more when people do or say stupid or mean things. You know him Jensen. It doesn't take much for him to go to that dark place and you know what it takes to get him back. I am trusting you with him, don’t make me hurt you because you know I will. I will rip your balls off if you break him.”

“What are you even doing here Genevieve?” he snapped

“Jared asked me to come.”

“What?” Jensen gasped in surprise, this is the first he had heard of it.

“He rang and asked me to come and spend some time with him since we don’t get much time alone.”

“He asked you to come?” Jensen felt devastated that Jared felt he needed Genevieve here and felt that he couldn’t tell Jensen this.

“What part are you not understanding Jensen, they were all one syllable words. And then I got the bonus of being up on stage with him.”

“Your idea I presume?” he drawled

“No, convention staff said it would be a treat for the fans.”

“When are you going home?” Jensen asked tiredly, he had had enough of this verbal sparring, he knew he was marking his territory the only problem was Genevieve was marking her her territory also, it was just a shame they were both trying to mark the same territory

“This afternoon. Look at him Jensen, look at him; he’s tired, he looks like he’s twenty years older than he is and he’s sitting over there pathetically by himself I can only assume because you did or said something stupid.”  
“I will fix this.” Jensen said tiredly as he ran his hand over his face. He felt sick and he felt tired and he just wanted to go to Jared, pull him up, take him back to the hotel and climb into bed with him.  
“You better.” She snarled before leaving. She had a plane to catch back to America. Jared and Jensen were staying on with Misha for a look around before the next convention.

“Jared and Jensen you’re up.” A voice called and Jensen rose and went over to Jared.  
Jared stood and stretched, his arms rose above his head, his shirt rose up and Jensen glimpsed the trail of golden hair that went from his stomach to below his belt line and he clenched his teeth. They had been apart too long. They had had no alone time together and that was what was making him crotchety and snappy but he shouldn't have taken it out on Jared.   
“You ready?” Jensen asked with a smile as he put out his hand to rest it against Jared’s arm but Jared stepped back and muttered “yes” before walking past him.  
“Jared?”  
“Forget it man.” He said and kept walking.  
They got up on stage and Jared turned it on. He really should get some kind of Emmy for his acting abilities because he gave one hundred percent to the crowd. He laughed, joked, shared antic dotes and the crowd lapped it up. It was only Jensen who was aware that Jared’s chair was nowhere near his. That Jared hardly looked at him and didn't touch him at all. A long drawn out hour later Jensen said goodbye to the fans and they left the stage. Cliff was there and he escorted them through the crowd and straight out to the car parked right beside the door.

Jared and Jensen climbed in the back and Cliff took off.   
“Jay I’m sorry man. It slipped out.”  
“Whatever.” He muttered and pulled his beanie down over his eyes and curled up in the far corner of the car, as far away from Jensen as possible.  
“Everything ok back there?” Cliff asked from the front. As their bodyguard no secrets were kept from him and the tension radiating from the back was obvious.   
“Fine.” Jensen whispered but could feel his chest tightening with fear and sadness. This was so different to yesterday when they had posted on Twitter a photo of the two of them together smiling. Jensen pulled out his camera and snapped the pose. Let the fans see how much Jared put into these conventions for them.  
The silence was oppressive and even Cliff didn't break it as he got them back to the hotel. They walked through the lobby stopping to have photos taken or sign autographs with smiles on their faces and then Cliff got them into an elevator by themselves where they could let down their guard, Jared seemed to shrink a foot as he leaned against the wall opposite Jensen and looked at the ground. Jensen realised he hadn’t actually looked him in the eyes since he dropped down next to him on the couch. They stopped on a number of floors on the way to their level as a diversionary tactic although they had never had any trouble in the past with fans. When the lift doors opened Cliff went first and Jared immediately followed. He didn't even wait to get the nod from Cliff before swiping into his room and shutting the door in Jensen’s face.   
“Someone’s in trouble.” Cliff joked before going into his own room two down. It was generally Jared’s room then Jensen’s room then Cliff. That way there was an empty room between the boys and Cliff and Cliff didn’t get porn sounds all night  
“Fuck it.” Jensen all but yelled before knocking on Jared’s door. “Jared come on man open up.”  
The door did open but not all the way, just enough for Jared to look out. “I’m getting some sleep Jensen. I’ll talk to you later.” He said and closed the door again. Jensen stood there frozen, Jared never called him by his full name, hell he had to be reminded to do it in public which is why he had come up with a number of nick names for him, so he didn't accidentally call him Jen. That plus the look in his eyes scared Jensen. He didn’t think he would do anything stupid but he would lie there and fester and think until he sank himself into a hole it would take days to get out of

“Jared open this door.” Jensen yelled and banged on it, loud enough for Cliff to stick his head out of his room  
“What’s going on man?”  
“Give me your swipe card.”  
“What?”  
“Give me your card.” Jensen demanded roughly, holding his hand out, frustrated that for once he didn’t have a card to Jared’s room because Genevieve had been here.  
“Maybe he just needs the night Jensen.” Cliff said  
“Cliff I will go down to reception and throw the biggest fucking scene to get another card if you don’t let me in here now.”  
“Alright calm down. Geez what a diva, can see who wears the panties in this relationship.” Cliff muttered as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket.   
“Fuck you Cliff.” Jensen said and pushed through the door as Cliff swiped  
“Hey Jensen” Cliff snapped  
“Sorry man, you know I didn’t mean it.” Jensen said before closing the door in his face.

The room was dark and Jensen could see Jared curled up on the bed.   
“Jay?” he whispered  
“Go away.” He replied but Jensen could hear tears in his voice  
“Jay are you crying?” Jensen dashed to the bed, almost tripping over Jared’s monster shoes in his haste to get there, he went around to the other side so he could see Jared’ face and tears were silently running down his cheeks  
“Oh babe I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Jensen said frantically as he climbed onto the bed and scooped Jared up and cradled him to his chest.   
“Jen.” He sobbed  
“I’m so sorry, please stop crying. Please Jay it’s literally hurting me to see you like this. Please stop.” Jensen dropped kisses all over Jared’s face as the tightness in chest broke and he too started crying. They lay there like that for a few minutes, both with tears streaming down their faces as they let go of the hurt and pain and jealousy, slowly healing themselves just by being in each other’s arms.

“Are you two ok in there?” Cliff shouted from outside with a fist bang on the door, causing them both to jump  
“Yes go away you pervert.” Jensen yelled back, breaking the tension.

“I hate it Jen, I hate not being with you. Jeffrey last night, Gen today. I am so so tired, I just want to sleep forever with you wrapped around me. I can’t sleep when Genevieve’s here and I can’t sleep when you’re not here.” Jared said with his eyes closed as he relaxed, putting more weight on Jensen.   
“We can do that baby, we don’t have to go anywhere for a week if you don’t want.” Jensen said as he leaned over, got some tissues and started wiping Jared’s face. Jared was pretty at everything except crying, when he cried he put his whole self into it and it showed  
“Stay?” Jared muttered sleepily  
“Try getting rid of me. It’ll take more than you and Cliff to get me out of here. Jay I’m so sorry, I get so jealous when she’s around.”  
“That’s stupid you know there’s only you.” Jared whispered and Jensen felt his chest tighten with overwhelming feelings. To hear him say it like it’s just another normal sentence, not in awe, not as if just discovered but like it was a given affected Jensen more than many other, more flowery words, could have.  
“I get so possessive of you. I don’t want her touching you but then I don’t want anyone touching you. You are mine.”  
“Bang your chest much cave man?”  
“Hey tell me you don’t feel that way.”  
“Oh you are mine and anyone who thinks any different is going to have a very pissed off me to deal with.” Jared said fiercely  
“That’s my boy.” Jensen chuckled and lent down to place his lips on his boyfriend’s.  
It was a slow and very thorough kiss that got deeper and harder as Jared reached up and pulled Jensen’s head down more, clasping onto the back of his neck as he licked into his mouth and bit on his lip.  
“Fuck Jay I could kiss you forever.” Jensen said as he lifted his head  
“I hope so.” Jared replied as he sat up and moved off the bed  
“Hey where are you going?” Jensen frowned  
“To have a shower and wash her smell off me.” Jared said as he turned on the bedside light and stripped off his clothes  
Jensen listened to the shower turn on before he stripped out of his own clothes and went into the bathroom. The bathroom smelled like her but it was diluted by the smell of soap and shampoo and Jared’s aftershave and although it still pissed him off that they shared a room he kept his mouth shut. She was gone, Jared was here, just the two of them, as it should be. He then opened the shower door and stepped into the steam.   
“Hi.” He whispered before taking the shower gel and washcloth from Jared and lathering up.   
“Yessss.” Jared sighed as Jensen washed his chest, before placing kisses all over it, and then turned him around and washed and kissed his back. He then crouched down and washed his legs and his gorgeous, tight butt cheeks before sinking his teeth in to the warm pink skin and smiling when Jared yelped. He then turned Jared around again and sponged his oh so long cock before kissing it and licking at it.   
“Jen Oh God Jen.” Jared moaned as he leaned against the shower wall. Jensen stood up and pulled Jared in for a rough, dirty and hot kiss that involved lips, teeth and a lot of tongue  
“Come on.” Jensen said as he turned off the taps and led him back to bed without drying them off. He pushed Jared down on the bed and climbed on top of him  
“You are mine.” He whispered as he dropped kisses all over his face  
“Yes.” Jared sighed  
“And I want everyone to know it” Jensen growled as he bit and sucked on his clavicle, leaving a red mark that would bruise  
“Yes.” He hissed  
“Are you still awake Jay?” Jensen asked with a smile before sliding down and sucking one of his nipples into his mouth, hard, he knew what would happen and tightened his hold as Jared bucked up off the bed, he was so sensitive there and Jensen could already feel his cock pushing against his stomach.  
“Fuck yes.” Jared growled and all of a sudden Jensen was looking at the ceiling as Jared flipped him. “I want to suck you down so deep I can’t taste her anymore and then I want you to bury yourself so far in me you know it’s just you and me Jen.”  
“You and me.” Jensen whispered and tangled one of his hands in Jared’s before letting out a low moan when Jared sucked him in. Although Jared was long, Jensen was wider in girth and he loved feeling Jared swallow him until he was gagging. “Fuck yes Jay.” He whispered as he pushed up into his mouth and Jared moved his other hand to play with Jensen’s balls, rolling them around and squeezing them. He then pulled away before running his tongue up the thick vein at the bottom of his dick and then fondling the slit before just taking the head of him in and sucking hard and scraping his teeth across him. “Stop Jay stop I’m gonna come.” Jensen muttered as he tried to push Jared’s head away  
“And?” he muttered around his cock  
“I want to come in you. I want to feel you throbbing around me as you come and I want to come so deep in you, you will know I own you.” Jensen grabbed the lube while talking and then flipped Jared so he was on his stomach  
“Jen you already own me. Fuck I gave you my heart six years aaahhh…” was as far as he got before Jensen embedded his finger in Jared, “Yes.” The groan that came out of Jared was guttural and Jensen almost came from hearing it. He leaned down and dropped kisses on Jared’s back before running his tongue down his spine. He then nibbled across his butt cheeks and leaned down so his tongue was circling the outside of his tight hole while his fingers scissored on the inside  
“Gonna come Jen, gonna come.” He panted as he pushed back on Jensen’s fingers  
“No you’re not, not yet baby.” Jensen hushed before slicking himself up and lining himself up to his lover’s tight entrance  
“Fuck come on Jen, I need you it’s been too long.”  
It had only been a couple of days but it was too long apart for the two of them, they needed to see each other daily to stay sane  
“I know baby.” Jensen said and sank into him, all the way, until his balls were resting on Jared’s ass. “Ok?”  
“Better if you were moving.” Jared muttered and pushed back onto Jensen making him laugh  
“Ok baby.” He said and then pulled back and slammed into him again, Jensen rode him for a few moments until Jared cried out “Stop.” Jensen stopped immediately  
“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” Jensen asked with concern in his voice as he pulled out.   
“Jensen I want to say you would never hurt me but you actually have the most power of anyone I know to do that.” Jared said as he rolled over. “I want to look in your eyes and touch you and kiss you while you’re in me. I want to be here with you not humping a pillow as you ride me.”  
“Fuck I love you Jay.” Jensen said as he slid back into him.   
“I love you too.” Jared said as he put up his hand and held it against Jensen’s heart, feeling it pounding, before sliding down and pulling on his nipple.  
“Am I ruining you for anyone else in your future?” Jensen groaned as he slammed in hard, harder then he thought he ever had but this weekend had been so high with emotions he wanted to purge his body of everything  
“You did that years ago lover.” Jared said and sat up, clenching Jensen into his tightening hole and seeming to take even more of him in if that was even possible.  
Jensen lent down and grabbed Jared’s hard, hot, throbbing cock and then put his mouth to his and in an intimate and well timed dance his tongue, his hand and his cock moved in beautiful unity to send Jared so high he almost flew across the room as he cried out and Jared tightening had Jensen coming so hard he blacked out.

He came back to earth to find himself tangled in legs and Jared running his hand through his hair while dropping kisses all over his face.  
“Hi.”  
“Hi back.”  
“Every time I think it can’t get any better…”  
“It just does.” Jared replies  
“I love you Jay.”  
“I love you too and I might just take you up on that option to stay here in this bed for the week.” Jared smiled before nestling Jensen into his neck and closing his eyes.

 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Jared opened his eyes to the morning sun and sighed. He felt a little better after sleeping in Jensen’s arms last night but he just could not shake this heaviness that was seeping through his body. He sighed again and although he wanted to roll over and pull the covers over his head eternally he crawled out of bed and headed to the shower.

Jensen observed Jared from lowered eyes, not wanting him to know he was worried, he seemed almost back to his usual self but still wasn’t one hundred per cent. He looked pale and he wasn’t giving his customary goofy smile

“You ok man?” Jensen asks casually as they sit at a table eating breakfast. Cliff was with them but up at the buffet.

“Yeah still just tired.”

“Maybe we should get you to a doctor?”

“Dude we did Tough Mudder and then hit the ground running with these conventions straight after finishing filming. I’m just tired. It’ll be great to just hang out and not have to do anything for a while.”

“Well we have a week before Rome. We could find somewhere to just chill.”

“Jen you don’t get it. I don’t want to chill in a hotel room on the other side of the wold from my home. I want to be at home.” He snapped as he slammed his cutlery on the table.

“Hey hey.” Jensen said as he grabbed Jared’s hand and squeezed it before letting go. Showing affection in a public place was risky

“Sorry man.” Jared sighed

“Look we’ve got what? Two more weeks? Rome then Australia and then its home man til we start filming.”

“Two weeks of hotel rooms, two weeks of you and I pretending we’re just friends and tip toeing around. Two weeks of not seeing the kids. Aren’t you missing JJ?”

“Skyped with her last night. I see her every day.”

“Yeah through a computer screen. You don’t get to touch her, hug her, smell her.”

“Jared you need to calm down. Two weeks man, it’ll go so quick you won’t know what you were complaining about.”

“Yeah ok. I’m gonna go pack.” He pushed back from the table.

“How’s our boy doing?” Cliff asked as he sat back down with a large plate of food.

Jensen looked at him and realised it was hard on him as well. It was hard on everyone. Jensen and Jared away from their families, Cliff going through personal shit with his own life and here they were on the other side of the world in limbo. It’s like they were being forced to be tourists, looking for things to do in between conventions. It wasn’t that there wasn’t things to do and they loved the conventions and the fans but sometimes the sacrifices were a little too hard to swallow.

“Cliff we gotta keep a close eye on him man. One of us has to have him in sight at all times. Not in his face but near so we can keep an eye on him. I’m worried, he’s not bouncing back like he usually does.”

“Well we’re not watching him now.”

“He’s just going up to pack and I’m going up now too. Want to leave in about an hour or do you want more buffet?”

“An hour is fine.” Cliff said and picked up his cutlery

Jensen opened the door of Jared’s room and found him just sitting on the bed. He had his bag open but he was just sitting there holding a jumper staring into space

“You right man?”

“Hmm” he nodded slightly but his eyes didn’t come back into focus.

“Jay.” Jensen snapped his fingers in front of his face

“What?” he shook himself out of it and turned to frown at Jensen

“You’re scaring me.”

“It’s all good Jen, just like you said, two weeks and we’re homeward bound. So where we heading?”

“Switzerland bitches.” Misha yelled from the door, “Things to do, places to see, people to meet, see ya there bitches.” And he was gone again

“So I guess Switzerland.” Jensen smiled at Jared but didn’t get a smile in return.

In the car on the way to the airport Cliff reminds them to do their Twitter call out ‘Thanks UK’

 

Half an hour later Jared’s phone rang.

“Hey Gen.”

“Don’t hey Gen me, what the hell was that photo?”

“What photo?” Jared asked confusedly

“The photo Jensen just posted on Twitter.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hang on” he said and looked over at Jensen, “What did you just do?”

“What? I’m sitting here reading.”

“Gen is saying something about a photo on Twitter?”

Jensen pulled his phone out of his pocket and brought up the site, they looked at the photo of them in the car & shrugged at each other

“Gen there’s nothing there, the last photo Jensen posted was us leaving the convention”

“With your head resting on his shoulder, with his arm around you and if I’m not mistaken you’re holding hands.”

“Holding hands?” Jared questioned and motioned for Jensen’s phone. He looked closer at the picture and he can kind of see what Genevieve was saying. Ironic because for once they weren’t holding hands

“I swear to God Jared you gotta stop this crap. Whatever the hell is going on between you two, whatever co-dependent relationship you have going on, you’ve got to stop putting it out there for the world to see. How do you think that makes me look? What about Danneel? We look like idiots sitting here at home with the kids while you two fly around the world flirting with each other and whatever hell else is going on.”

“Gen I swear that photo is completely innocent. Gen? Genevieve?”

“What the hell man?” Jensen said as he took his phone back

“She reckons it looks like I’m holding your hand in the photo and she thinks you and I are making fools of our wives left back home looking after the kids.”

“Dude I swear, your Mrs sometimes.” Jensen growls. It’s bad enough he has to listen to Jared call her Gen, his name for him; it’s bad enough he has to share him with her; but when she makes these ranting phone calls every bone in Jensen’s body wants to protect Jared and rip the phone out of his hands and blast her right back. Jared never gives it to her, he always just sits there and takes it.

“Hey Jen come on that’s not fair. It does look kind of sus and she’s right they are back at home while we gallivant around the world.”

“It’s part of our job Jared, we get paid to do it and it keeps the show running longer. Yeah we get to go places we wouldn’t usually go and yeah we get adoring screaming fans and we have a good time but it’s part of the job. I have a wife and kid home too and you don’t see her ringing and bitching.”

“Yeah whatever.” Jared muttered and grabbed his bag as their flight was announced.

‘Great back to whatever’ Jensen thought to himself as he stood. He took his phone out and looked at the photo again. It had been an innocent photo but it was also one of the more intimate photos they had put out there for the world, they were closer than usual and now he was concerned because the last thing he needed to do was stir up the shippers. He did however save the photo as his phone wallpaper.

Jared pulled his beanie down and slept the whole flight to Switzerland, not even eating and Jensen  went from being angry at Genevieve to worrying about Jared again and then back to Genevieve, hell she was the one to told him not to push Jared and then she went and pushed all the buttons that could set him off. Jensen thought she actually enjoyed the power she had over Jared and it made him even madder.

 

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Switzerland was meant to be a land of peace and harmony but that was the last thing Jensen was feeling as he sat there staring at Jared from behind his sunglasses.

Jared was hurting and although he hadn’t said a thing Jensen was so in tune with his soul he knew something was wrong and he believed the phone call from his wife had a lot to do with it. Also Genevieve hadn’t face timed with the boys last night as punishment so Jared was down about that.

“I can feel you you know?” Jared said. He had his eyes closed and his head was resting back against the chair so the sun warmed his face.

“What?” Jensen shook his head to clear the concerned thoughts away

“I can feel you looking at me.”

“Don’t be stupid, I don’t spend my spare time just staring at you you know.” Jensen said sarcastically although it was a lie. He spent a lot of his spare time staring at the beauty that was his co-star and lover and he was in awe of the close relationship they had built.

“Jensen I know every single time you are staring at me and you are staring at me now.” Jared said with a smile although he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Maybe I just happened to be looking at you as you said that. You just look a little tired.” He tried to keep his voice casual

“I am tired. If I could get the energy I would go back up to the room for a nap but I thought I would sit here quietly, you got my back right?”

“When have I ever not had your back?” Jensen leaned over and grabbed Jared’s hand in his and felt him latch on.

They sat like that for a few minutes until Richard came out and Jensen surreptitiously moved his hand away causing Jared to grumble.

“Hey guys what’s happening?”

“Just relaxing.” Jensen said with a smile, he could see Richard looking at Jared and frowning before his eyes came back to Jensen, Jensen just shrugged, thanking the lord he had his sunglasses on so people could not see the concern he was sure was flashing in his eyes.

“Cool, so what are we up to tonight?  


“Just a quiet one, dinner in the hotel, early one.” Jensen replied and Richard nodded as if he understood

“Nah man come on, how often are we in Geneva, there’s that cool bar they were telling us about.” Jared opened his eyes then to look at Jensen and then Richard

“Jared I think we can relax for one night.”

“You know what they say man, sleep when you’re dead. I’m gonna go up and have a nap & we’ll see you at dinner.” Jared said and jumped up, slapping Richard on the back, before walking off.

“What’s up with him?” Richard asked

“Fucked if I know but I’m going to find out. I’ll text you about tonight.” Jensen said and got to his feet to follow Jared

 

Many years ago they each started getting two keys and then cards for their rooms, one for each other, this was even before the relationship progressed. Early on they had just wandered between the two rooms with drinks, or food or making sure each other was awake and moving before conventions. Jared was hard to wake up and everyone learnt early on that a phone call or message would not wake him when he was out to it. Cliff used to have the honour of coming in and dodging swinging fists and arms when attempting to wake him but Jensen had adopted that role when he realised that if he said Jared’s name or rubbed Jared’s arm to wake up, Jared wouldn’t swing at him. Sometimes Jared would pull him down into bed with him and a lot of wrestling and kissing would ensue while Jensen tried to get free and get Jared moving, but sometimes when Jensen was in the mood, he would go in and wake Jared a little earlier and then enjoy his half awake, cuddly, warm body as they slowly made out before breakfast. They never made love in the mornings at a convention because it would space them out for ages and they needed the extra energy to deal with the fans, but at night, oh at night.

He now slid his card in Jared’s door, made sure no one was in the corridor, and went inside.

It looked like Jared had just walked in the door and collapsed on the bed, belly down with his shoes and beanie still on. These convention trips were hard on both of them and now Jensen had to try and stay optimistic for Jared it was taking even more of his energy so he was happy to pick up the book he had been reading, lie down next to Jared and read. He could go back to his own room, he could go back on the veranda in the sun but he felt more at peace right next to him than anywhere else and plus he could keep an eye on him.

Two hours later Jensen was woken by facial hair brushing against his cheek and lips ghosting across his. He smiled and stretched before opening his eyes. Then his eyes flew open as Jared kissed the skin on his stomach, revealed when stretching made his shirt ride up

“Hi.” He purred

“Right back at you.” Jared said with a smile and slid Jensen’s shirt off

“Feeling batter now I take it?” Jensen smiled

“When I wake up next to you I feel like I can take on the world.” Jared said and suckled on Jensen’s belly button as he unbuttoned his jeans. Jensen himself could understand that feeling since he had woken with a smile and his dick was now hard and pressing against the denim which all of a sudden was too rough and too tight.

“Are you going to do something about this?” Jensen muttered as he pushed his crotch into Jared’s face

“You have no idea.” He husked before sliding down the jeans and boxer briefs. Jared leaned over Jensen and ran his nose the length of him, sniffing, “God I love the smell of your cock. I would know this smell anywhere.” Jared then ran his tongue across Jensen’s tip making Jensen grit his teeth and grip onto the sheets to not surge up. This was Jared’s show and he was going to make sure he sat back and enjoyed the ride.

“How about we get you out of your jeans?”

“Uh uh not this time. This is for you Jen.”

“I want it to be for us.”

“Oh baby you have no idea what doing this to you does for me.” Jared smiled against him.

“Well I know what does for me and this could be over embarrassingly fast.” Jensen gritted.

“Hmm.” Was all Jared said and vibrations hit all the nerve endings right up Jensen’s spine.

Jared suckled, licked and nipped as he fondled Jensen’s balls and his finger ran up and down that oh so sensitive area of skin between cock and ass

“Fuck Jay I can’t take this much longer.” Jensen growled and he could feel the sweat beading on his brow

“Good.” He said and sucked Jensen all the way down before pulling back up, gently grazing his teeth against the length of him and then sucking hard back down again

“Jay.” Jensen yelled as he grabbed his hair and came down Jared’s throat. Jared didn’t pull back but swallowed all that Jensen gave him before gently running his tongue up and down him and gently sucking on the tip as if to clean him up. “Jared you get up here now” Jensen growled between gasps of air and Jared immediately rose to Jensen’s mouth. Jensen grabbed his hair, pulled him in and kissed him; as dirty as it may sound there was no aphrodisiac like the taste of himself in Jared’s mouth and Jensen licked and sucked and nibbled until that taste was gone. “Fuck that was incredible.” Jensen muttered as he brushed Jared’s hair away from his face

“You’re welcome.” He smirked

“Your turn.” Jensen said and reached for his jeans

“No I don’t want that right now, that was just for you.” Jared said with a smile before lying back down again and closing his eyes.

Jensen sat there staring at him frowning. Jared never said no to the two of them being intimate, hell it was usually, like this time, he who initiated it, but as Jensen looked him up and down not only had he said no but his body wasn’t even turned on. After that Jared should be splitting the seams on his denim but there was no pressure in his crotch area at all and again Jensen felt his stomach drop.  It wasn’t that he was insulted that he hadn’t pushed all Jared’s buttons it’s just that he knew Jared and this was just another concern to add to the growing pile with the way Jared was acting.

That night they went out on the town with Misha and Richard and although Jensen had watched Jared literally drag his body out of bed arguing with Jensen’s protest to just stay in for the night, now they were out and about Jared was the ultimate party boy. He was drinking beer, doing shots and flirting and having photos taken with anyone who came near him. Jensen could see that even the other two men were a little concerned at his radical behaviour and Cliff was standing closer than usual. As much as that was pissing Jared off, Jensen also knew it was required as more and more people were coming over and the lines between decency and indecency seemed to be blurring around Jared and some of the more inebriated women. Jensen had to literally be held down by Cliff when one woman came over and ran her hand over his ass before clenching it and leaning into Jared as if to do more. Once Cliff motioned to Jensen to stay still he went over to the woman who could barely stand and physically picked her up and moved her away, ignoring Jared’s drunken protests.

“What the fuck is wrong with him man?” Misha asked Jensen

“I don’t know.” Jensen said as he rubbed his hand over his face in exhaustion.

“Gen is gonna cut his balls off if photos get out of tonight.”

“No she’ll cut mine off for not looking out for him.”

“He is a grown man with an overgrown body guard why the hell should it be on you to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid?”

“Because that’s the way it’s always been since this thing started, since we were kids we have looked out for each other.”

“You more than him.”

“Well I am the older…shit” Jensen looked up in time to see Jared sway and sit down heavily. He stood just as Cliff went over. “Cliff we’re outta here.” Jensen yelled and Cliff gave him a thumbs up before scooping Jared up and half carrying him, half dragging him to the car. Jensen waved to Misha and Richard that they were out and followed Cliff.

As soon as Cliff got Jared in the car his public persona turned off and he slouched down and his head rested against Jensen’s shoulder as he dozed off.

“Do we need to get him some help?” Cliff asked as he drove back to the hotel

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything at the moment. Maybe we do need to call someone.”

“Who, the studios? His Management? Genevieve?”

“I don’t know. Let me sleep on it. I’m too tired to think now, we will reassess in the morning.”

Cliff got Jared up into his room and Jensen got him undressed. Cliff had started helping in that process until Jared got handsy with Jen and Cliff said he was too old to see this and left them alone.

“Love you Jen.” Jared mumbled as he climbed into bed

“Love you too you big oaf.” Jensen said as he sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You coming in?”

“I don’t think you’re up for that tonight.”

“I can’t sleep when you’re not here.” He pouted like an adorable five year old.

“I’m right here Jay, close your eyes.”

“K” Jared said taking Jensen’s hand and kissing his palm before almost curling his body around Jensen’s arm and going to sleep

 

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Jared woke as if nothing had happened. He did not have a hangover, he ate a good breakfast and if it wasn’t for the red rimmed eyes and the huge bags under them Jensen would think everything was ok.  

They did some shopping and site seeing and then went back to the hotel for an afternoon nap.

And nap they did, the awesome thing about being in a relationship longer than some marriages lasted was that the sex was fantastic but the days or nights when they just curled into each other and slept were brilliant also. It was then that both of them said they felt at peace with the world and were one hundred per cent relaxed. Jared had said to Jensen once that when they were apart, when he was sleeping with Genevieve, he never slept as well as he did with Jensen and although his reason why was said matter of factly it almost brought tears to Jensen’s eyes when he said it was because his heart beat recognised Jensen’s heart beat as home so when it was not there Jared was always on guard.

That night, much to Jensen’s annoyance and Cliff’s disgust, they hit the town again. Even Richard bailed this time although Misha was always up for adventure and almost seemed to be baiting Jared on, buying him shots and encouraging people to come over and greet them.

“What the fuck are you doing Misha?” Jensen whispered

“Just playing.” He smirked

“You are encouraging him and you know he’s not up to it at the moment.”

“He’s doing fine, look he’s having a ball.” Misha nodded with his head, Jensen turned but couldn’t see him

“Where?”

“In that dark corner with that little blond getting all nice and cosy.” Misha smirked again

“You’re a fucking dick” Jensen growled and literally pushed Misha off his chair before calling to Cliff

“Come on Jared we’re leaving.”

“Oh but we were just getting to know each other.” The little blond said as she wrapped herself around Jared. It took all of Jensen’s patience not to grab her and literally throw her across the room. He openly admitted he was possessive of Jared and although he tolerated Genevieve he was not going to tolerate hussies that threw themselves at celebrities and if Jared was in the right frame of mind he would know better.

“Yeah guys we were just chatting.” Jared said but he had a feral look in his eye as he looked at Jensen.

“We are leaving.” Jensen said and Cliff unhinged the woman from Jared and set her on her feet.

She took a photo with her camera and Cliff leaned forward and took it from her.

“Hey.” She snapped

“Just borrowing it honey.” He said before going into photos deleting a half a dozen photos that could be and would be taken the wrong way before removing her sim card and handing her back the phone. “Thanks”

“Asshole.”

“That’s what I get paid for.” He said before grabbing Jared by the arm and marching him back to the car. Jensen jumped in the other side and Misha made a running leap for the passenger seat as Cliff floored it

“You were going to leave me there?”

“It’s the least you deserve after egging him on.” Jensen snapped

“Did I make you jealous Jen?” Jared whispered into his ear as he leaned on him

“No, sit up.” He growled pushing Jared off him. He did not need Misha spreading rumours.

“I don wanna sit up.” He said as he put his head on Jensen’s shoulder. This, this right here is why they stopped having other passengers with them when they went out; a drunk Jared was a handsy Jared.

“He getting frisky with you?” Misha asked with a smile as he looked in the back seat.

“No moron, he’s trying to go to sleep because he’s exhausted and you were too dumb to see it.” Jensen snapped and held Jared’s hands down in his lap so they didn’t start wandering.

Cliff got them back to the hotel and Misha said he was going to look for Richard and took off. Cliff and Jensen got Jared up to his room

“Do you need a hand with him tonight?” Cliff asked

“Nah I got him.”

“Good I don’t know if I could handle getting accidentally felt up again thinking I was you.” He said with a smile before going down the hall

Jensen closed the door and before he could turn around Jared had him off his feet, spun around and pushed up against a wall

“Did I make you jealous Jen?” He asked as he consumed his personal space and rubbed against him

“No, get off me.”

“Na ah baby no one around now to pretend to, just me and you.” Jared growled and then leaned in and bit Jensen’s shoulder

“Jared I think you need to lie down.” Jensen took a step forward pushing Jared back a step but Jared just put up his hands and pushed Jensen back against the wall, hard, “Jared what the fuck?”

“Do I stink like woman again Jen? Is that why you’re pushing me away?” he said as he leaned in to run his tongue up Jensen’s throat

“Is that what you were trying to do Jared, trying to smell like a cheap, female whore?” Jensen said and shoved him hard so he fell back a few steps giving Jensen the breathing space to move.

“Maybe if I smell like a woman I can turn you on?”

“Really Jared, the seven fucking years we’ve been together didn’t give you the hint that I like your smell? The fact that I said I love you and regularly say it doesn’t give you a hint? The fact that I fuck you so hard you black out doesn’t give you a hint? Don’t get all needy on me because you’re in some mood.” Jensen snapped and turned away

“Hey!” Jared yelled and pushed him so he fell on the bed, he then fell down on top of him

“Jared get off me.” Jensen said as he tried to buck him off but to no avail. He was strong, fit and worked out but Jared was stronger, fitter and had the added height.

“No I need you Jen, we haven’t had sex for days and I need to fuck you so hard.” Jared slurred as he sat astride him and undressed him like he was doll, he then wiggled down so he was sitting on Jensen’s legs so he could get to his jeans to unzip them and move them down enough to get Jensen’s limp cock out.

“See I got nothing Jared. Not when you’re like this.”

“Really? Well two things lover mine, I’m as hard as a rock and I am going to fuck you so I don’t care and secondly you’ll perk up soon enough.” Jared said as he stood up and started undressing. Jensen made a move to get up but he was just swatted back down onto the bed.

Jared was naked and stroking himself with one hand as he reached to the bedside table for the lube with the other. All Jensen could do was thank the stars that at least he wasn’t going to mount him dry, he didn’t know what he was going to get with Jared like this. He loved Jared and he would take whatever Jared threw at him but right at this minute he was nowhere near turned on and actually starting to get very pissed off about this whole situation.

“You wanna fuck Jared, go ahead, you obviously don’t really care who you’re fucking so long as it’s a hole, why even bother with the lube? Do you lube your wife?”

“What?” he gasped

“You heard me. Go on fuck me dry, it’s what you want isn’t it?” Jensen yelled and rolled over to stick his ass in the air. He lay there on the bed listening to silence. He hoped he had shocked Jared into realising what he was doing.

Jensen fell onto the bed when he heard the bathroom door slam closed. He sighed and truth be told was almost crying. He knew Jared was going through something he just didn’t know what and he admitted to himself that he would have deserved to have been hurt for goading Jared when his eyes showed he wasn’t in control.

He was still sitting there naked when Jared came out of the bathroom fully dressed

“Jay….”

“I’m sorry.” Jared whispered as he looked at the carpet and then dashed out the door before Jensen could do anything.

“Fuck.” He grabbed his clothes and started throwing them on recklessly as he reached for the phone to ring Cliff

“What?”

“Are you dressed?”

“Are you?” he countered

“No and Jared has just run out of here.”

“What?”

“Cliff no questions just go.” Jensen hung up and rang Jared’s mobile, it rang on the bedside table. “Fuck!” he yelled and threw his phone onto the bed.

After he was dressed he grabbed his and Jared’s phone and took off out into the hall and down into the lobby. He saw Cliff come out of the bar and he looked at him and shook his head. Cliff headed towards the entrance and Jensen headed towards the pool.

He saw him, only after almost turning away, he was on the end of a lounger right at the very end in the dark, hidden by bushes. He pulled out his phone and rang Cliff…

“I got him.” He whispered

“Where?”

“Pool.”

“I’m coming.”

“No just give me a minute. Just wait in the lobby and I’ll text you.”

‘”Jensen this better not be a fucking lovers tiff you’ve dragged me into the middle of.”

“No Cliff I was scared for him and I still am. Please just give me five minutes.” Jensen hung up on his answer and walked quietly over to Jared, he felt like he was approaching a wild animal

“Jay.”

“Go away.” He was crying

“I can’t.”

“Jensen just go away.”

“No I can’t.”

“I’m begging you.”

“No man, I love you which means I physically cannot walk away while you’re like this.”

“I almost hurt you.”

“Yeah and I would have deserved it for saying what I did to you.”

“No Jen, never, never.” Jared finally looked up into Jensen’s eyes and Jensen felt his heart break for the pain the younger man was going through. He crouched down and took Jared’s hands in his

“Jay you could never hurt me. There have been times in the past where we have got a little carried away and not prepared properly and you know we feel the burn and maybe suffer the next day but we never really hurt each other and I don’t think you would have hurt me tonight. You love me too much. You do love me right?” Jensen said as he wiped the tears of Jared’s face

“Yeah you know I love you.”

“Come on let’s go back upstairs.”

“I don’t know if I can go back into that room.”

“Well we have my room, we can book a whole other room or we could kick Cliff out of his.”

“He’d love that.”

“I know imagine how much fun we could have.” Jensen smiled

“Can we stay here?”

“Well we could but I don’t want the whole world seeing me hugging and kissing you and I really need to hug and kiss you and Cliff is lurking in the lobby so he’ll probably coming barrelling out here and carry us up to the rooms if we hang out here too much longer.”

“Well we could hang out a few minutes longer and wait and see what he does.” Jared said quietly and Jensen let out a laugh

“That’s my boy but I think after you groping him last night we may have pushed the friendship enough this week.” Jensen said and pulled his phone out to message Cliff

“I love you Jen.”

“I know Jay and I love you too, don’t ever doubt that for a minute and don’t think there’s anything you can do that would scare me away. I’m a big boy I’m pretty sure I can take whatever you throw at me.” Jensen took his hand and pulled him up and they walked towards Cliff who was standing at the door.

“We all good?” he asked in general but his eyes were burning into Jensen’s and even though he verbally answered the affirmative his eyes gave a different answer.

 

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Jared’s mood swings were so erratic Jensen was almost getting whiplash.  He was exhausted in he couldn’t keep up with Jared.

“Danneel I don’t know what to do? I am exhausted, we both are, but he’s all over the place. I can’t keep up with him, it’s harder than trying to corral JJ.”

“You know what you have to do Jensen you just don’t want to.”

“What?”

“Ring her.”

“You’re right I don’t want to.”

“You’re too close to him and everything going on. You need to ring her.”

“Maybe I should be calling his manager or his mother.”

“Oh for crying out loud Jensen he is a grown ass man with a wife. The wife gets the first call no matter where she stands in your relationship.”

“I get the first call in this relationship.” He grumbled mutinously fully realising he sounded like he was five years old.

“Really? Even now?”

“Damn it Danni.”

“Call her.”

*

“Hi Genevieve its Jensen.” He said politely cool

“What’s wrong?” she snapped

“What do you mean what’s wrong?” he returned the attitude, this woman pushed all the wrong buttons all the god damn time

“You are calling me so just tell me what is wrong. Am I about to see something printed somewhere I need to prepare myself for? Why isn’t Jared calling me?”

“It’s actually Jared I’m calling about.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” she asked again, more concern in her voice this time, just

“Actually, you know what, I don’t know what’s wrong I just know something is.”

“How?”

“He’s tired, really tired, I am mean we all are, we all hit the ground straight after the season but he’s acting erratically, I can’t keep up with his mood swings and he’s drinking.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“If I had to put thought into I guess since UK.”

“Since I was there?”

“Well you knew something was wrong and didn’t say anything either.” he defended, “You were too busy blaming me.”

“I don’t live with him twenty four hours a day two hundred and seventy days of the year and then twenty hours a day for the other three months do I?” sarcasm dripped

“Look I don’t know what to do ok? I told Danni I should ring his manager and for some stupid reason she thought you could help, I should have told her I knew all I would cop is sarcasm. You’re the one who rings and yells at him all the time and won’t let him talk to his boys when he does something that you don’t approve of. How do you think that goes down when he’s stuck on the other side of the world? You can take the piss out of me and our friendship as much as you want but at least I don’t play the guilt card every time I don’t like something. Now can we work together to help him or do I do what my first instincts were which is to ring his manager or his mother because frankly Genevieve I can’t handle dealing with you as well as him.” He almost yelled

“Where is he at the moment?” she asked calmly, ignoring his rant

“I don’t know, I’m off duty, Cliff is with him.” Jensen sighed

“Off duty?”

“Yeah we’re tag teaming him at the moment.”

“Oh for crying out loud. Just get him on a plane back here.”

“We only have a week and a half and we’re done.”

“Now Jensen, you get him on a plane home now.”

“Gen…”

“No do not give me any of your crap. Let me ask you a question and I want a serious answer. Are you thinking of Jared or are you just thinking of you? Do you really want to do what’s best for him or are you just thinking you want him beside you?”

“Him.”

“Really Jensen?”

“If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have called you.”

“So you need to convince him to come home. His millions of fans are just going to have to do without him for a while. He has a history Jensen and if he is already drinking heavily we need to get on this now. Get him on a plane.”

“Alright well I’ll need to talk to our managers and the con organisers.”

“Just him Jensen.”

“What?”

“I’m telling you to send him home, not you too. You need to stay there.”

“Genevieve I’m exhausted too. I want nothing more than to come home to my family too. If he’s not doing this I’m not.”

“Jensen Ackles if you say you’re cancelling because of him he will not come home. He will stay there and he will work himself for you. He will do anything to make you happy. And he will stay there to make all your bloody fans happy because he won’t want you both pulling out. You say I use the guilt card well you’re pretty good at the manipulation also. Let him come home to get better.”

Jensen was silent because he knew she was telling the truth. Jared would be absolutely devastated for everyone if Jensen said they were cancelling two cons for him. He would keep going until the bitter end to keep Jensen and their fans happy. He loved him, Jensen did truly love him and if that meant that they needed to spend time apart for Jared to heal, well as much as it broke his heart to be apart from him for a couple of days yet alone a couple of weeks, he would do it.

“Alright”, he conceded, “I will try and convince him to come home, I promise I will but if he doesn’t want to you have to accept that and for Christ sake let him talk to his kids.”

“Ok I will wait to hear from you.” She said and hung up.

*

That night they had dinner by the pool, just the two of them. Misha and Richard had been instructed to stay away and for once Jensen had Cliff doing real security work, blocking the door so no one could come out here.

“Jay we gotta talk.” Jensen said

“Are you ok Jen?” Jared said with concern in his eyes

“What do you think?”

“You look tired.” He whispered as he leaned forward and wiped his thumb under Jensen’s eye as if to wipe away the dark stains

“I am Jay I am so tired.”

“Me too.” He smiled shyly like it was a secret.

“I know. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

“What?”

“I think you should go home.”

“What?” he gasped in shock

“I think you need to go home and rest, catch up on sleep, get better.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me to get better Jen.”

“Really? Do you really mean that hand on heart?”

“Well I’m tired but so are you.”

“I’m not as tired as you Jay”, he lied, “I think you know I’m right.”

“I don’t have time to fly home and then fly back before the convention, I s’pose I could go home for a few days before Australia.”

“No Jay you need to go home now and stay home. I’ll take Rome and Australia and then I’ll meet you back there.”

“What? You want me to pull out? I can’t Jen. We’ve sold all those tickets people are relying on me and I won’t do it to you. It’s you and me Jen against the world. You were right, hell it’s just over a week now I can do this Jen, don’t make me go home.” Jared was almost begging as his hand clasped Jensen’s and his eyes were watering again, as much as it pained Jensen it was also ammunition.

“Jared are you going to start crying again because I swear dude I have seen you cry more in the last three days then I have in the last three years.”

“What? No.” Jared snapped but blushed

“Jesus Jared it’s nothing to be ashamed of but you gotta know you’re crying because you’re so tired.”

“I’m not leaving you in this situation.”

“Right at this point you don’t have a choice, I’m telling you I’m not asking you, I’ve already talked to the organisers. Misha will step up with me, Rob’s coming over with Felicia. We don’t need you here and you need to go home and rest.”

“You don’t need me?” his voice was so small Jensen’s heart twisted

“I need you Jay I will always need you but I also need you to look after yourself. God it is killing me to send you home, I wish like hell I could keep you here with me and help you at the same time but I can’t. I have to concede defeat and send you home to your wife.”

“Jen you know I can’t fully relax when you’re not there. This is a moot argument.”

“No it’s not, it’s done. I’ve booked the flight.”

“You’ve booked the flight? You’ve already told the organisers? Don’t you think you should have talked to me first?”

“Do you really want the truth Jay?”

“We have never lied to each other or held anything back Jen why start now?” he snapped

“I didn’t know how to have this discussion with you without copping the mood swings you got going on at the moment. I am tired Jay, too tired to handle the whip lash I’m getting from your ups and downs and if this were me going through this you would be saying the exact same thing.”

“I can’t leave you Jen. If I promise not go to the conventions and just in my room can I stay with you?”

“Jay you know that that is not at all possible. You can’t help yourself, if you know there is a crowd that was meant for you you would be there whether I chained you to the sink or not. Admit it.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow morning. We have tonight.” Jensen whispered before picking up his glass and drinking the whole thing in one mouthful.

 

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

They went back to the hotel room, kicked off their shoes and climbed onto the bed. They were both exhausted and both had drunk a little bit too much wine with the meal.

After Jensen had dropped his bombshell Jared had gone silent and just picked at his meal, pushing it around the plate, and refilling his wine glass.

“Jay.” They were both lying on their backs looking at the ceiling

“You’re right Jen, I should go home. Genevieve will be there, she’ll look after me.”

“Yeah right,  but at least you’ll be at home where you can relax and not be in public all the time and your family will be there to look after you.”

“You’ve gotta stop bagging my wife man, I never say anything about yours.”

“That’s because my wife understands the rules and the boundaries. Your wife pushes them and my buttons every chance she can get.”

“She is my wife, she is the mother to both my sons.”

“Ok are you trying to pick a fight with me. Will it make you feel better to get on that plane tomorrow and not see me for a week knowing I am pissed at you, is that what’s going on here?” Jensen said as he rolled to face Jared

“No. I don’t know. I just don’t know anything man.”

“Jay look at me…” Jared rolled over so he’s eye to eye with Jensen, “I love you with everything that’s in me and it’s killing me, killing me man, to send you home because you won’t be with me; but I gotta do what’s right by you not right by me. You don’t think I want to keep you plastered beside me and curled warmly into my bed? Because if that’s what you think we shouldn’t be in a relationship at all because you don’t know me.” His eyes were getting wild and his hands were flying around as he got agitated.

“Hey Jen calm down it’s ok.” Jared whispered as he pulled Jensen that few inches closer and placed his lips on his.  “You know we go through this every time we part for a long time, we can’t be apart but we have to be so we stress out and end up taking cheap digs at each other. I know you love me and you know I love you and anything we say stressed? Well that’s nothing in all that we have been through. So how about instead of getting bitchy with those lips you put them to better use cause I’m just saying, after tonight this body aint gonna be around for you to play with so if you wanna spend the last couple of hours we have together mouthing off? Knock yourself out.” Jared said and went to roll over.

“Hey where do you think you’re going?” Jensen said with a smile as his hand shot out to keep Jared facing him. “I only get to look at this face and look into these eyes for a few hours more, don’t turn your back on me.”

“Hey you like it sometimes when my back’s facing you.” He smirked

“Yeah baby you’re right I do.” Jensen growled before sliding up over Jared so they were toe to chest and planted his lips on his.

It was a soft kiss, just a brush of their lips together as they relaxed and absorbed each other’s warmth, then Jared sighed and opened his mouth to give Jensen access. From there things heated up fast; Jensen put one hand against Jared’s face moulding and positioning him to where he wanted for deeper access and his other hand grabbed onto his hair. They’re tongues mingled and duelled to taste each other and get further into each other than they ever have before. There were moans, groans and sighs filling the room and Jared pushed up against Jensen so he could know he was hard already.

 “Shh baby, we’ve got all night, there is no hurry.” Jensen whispered as he dropped kisses along Jared’s face before running his tongue down his throat and nibbling across his collar bone.

Jared’s arms flew up and suddenly Jensen was out of his shirt. “Oh there is a hurry Jen, I want to fuck you so many times tonight when you sit down at the convention all you can think of me. All you can think of is me filling you so much I can see you here.” Jared said as he rubbed his hand across Jensen’s stomach. “All you can smell and taste is me. I want to brand you to keep that fucking Misha away from you. I want everyone out there to know you are mine.” Jared said frantically as he flipped over so he was on top and Jensen was on his back. Jared straddled him and leaned down to nip across his chin and down his neck before sucking hard on his collar bone. Jensen sighed and let Jared take the lead.

He loved when Jared got territorial. Since they were apart so little this wild side didn’t come out often but he had known, once it sank in to Jared that he was going home and Misha was stepping up, that he would start banging his chest. No matter what Jared was saying Jensen knew there wouldn’t be any marks that the fans would question, they had it down to a fine art, knew how far they could push it so it just looked like red shaving rash not a tongue lashing, and the bite marks? Oh they would be there alright, but they would be covered by his shirt and only Jensen would get to see them and smile when he took a shower.

Jared leaned down and unzipped Jensen’s jeans before taking his own shirt off. He continued licking down Jensen’s chest before sucking one of his nipples into his mouth. Jensen arched off the bed. The sensation of wet tongue on him plus that beautiful long here tickling was always such a contradiction it threw all his nerve ends into melt down.

“Jay” Jensen gasped as Jared’s hands slid south and started fisting his hard cock that was getting harder and redder by the minute. “You’re right, fuck going slow, fuck me now.” He ground out panting

“I can’t, I’ve got all these fucking buttons on these fucking jeans and I can’t fucking wait.” Jared growled and if Jensen could take the perfect picture of his boyfriend it would be now. Face flushed, hair messy, eyes glazed over and almost all pupil as he looked at him with pure lust and love. He then leaned down and inhaled Jensen, took him right in until he was hitting the back of his throat and Jensen couldn’t help it, the sensations had him pushing up, making Jared gag

“Sorry babe.”

“Fuck don’t be sorry.” Jared replied as he pulled back and ran his tongue up and down Jensen before sliding up and taking his mouth again. Jensen tasted his own saltiness as Jared scooped him up into a hug and rubbed his sensitive dick against his rough denim.

“Jay, Jay what’re you doin? Fuck Jay you’re gonna give me gravel rash with that denim, no don’t stop fuck I’m gonna, I’m gonna…” Jensen gasped, trying to inhale air as Jared dry humped him. The sensations rocketing through him were pleasure and pain and it was pushing him higher. Jared suddenly stopped what he was doing but before Jensen could grab a breath, slid down and sucked in the tip of him in while sliding his hand up and down the rest of him, it was hard, fast, rough and as Jensen felt teeth graze his tip he shot off into Jared’s mouth. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Jared milked him until Jensen shuddered with oversensitivity and then pulled back and went up to kiss his mouth. “You’re turn.” Jensen whispered

“If you think I didn’t come in these fucking jeans watching you come then you know nothing.” Jared said with a smile before sliding off Jensen and helping him off the bed

“I told you those button down jeans were a bad idea dude.”

“Yeah but you were thinking with your dirty mind when you said that and they’re comfortable for the size of me.” Jared said as he unbuttoned himself

“Well my dirty mind was right, look what happened tonight, you could have been fucking me instead of dry humping me and I really don’t think there’s a reason to brag about the size of you.”

“Look we both know I’m hung the problem is the fact I have a semi hard on every time you are in the room, need something to accommodate for that.”

“And that lover is why I get the tight jeans with the zipper, hold everything in place when I have obscene thoughts watching that ass walk away from me.”

“Shower.” Jared said and grabbed Jensen’s hand

They had a slow, leisurely shower, washing each other while fondling and kissing; now the first orgasm was out of the way there was no urgency; although both men were starting to get hard again playing with each other.

After the shower they dried each other off and climbed back into the bed. Jared pulled Jensen down and climbed on top of him to start kissing down his body.

“So you’re doing this then?” Jensen asked as Jared seemed to be taking the lead and he was usually the bottom.

“I was serious man, if you can sit down comfortably tomorrow I have not paid enough homage to your beautiful, tight ass. So tight, tight for me.” Jared growled between kisses and nips and his tongue lapping at Jensen’s body. Once Jensen was surging up to meet his tongue Jared gently rolled him over before working his way up and down his back and legs.

“I hate lying here doing nothing.”

“Relax and enjoy, I am the one on a plane heading home tomorrow, you still have work to do so let me do all the heavy lifting right now.” Jared whispered as he nipped along Jensen’s thighs. Jared then slid up and parted Jensen’s cheeks gently before brushing his tongue across his entrance. He continued running his tongue around him while he felt along the bed for the lube and popped the lid. After slicking up his fingers he inserted one thumb into Jensen and moved it in and out

“Jay.” Jensen sighed as he looked over his shoulder up at him. Hell he should be lighting up like the special affects angels with the love pouring out of those eyes. Jared growled and inserted his other thumb and Jensen pushed back in surprise. Jared held Jensen’s cheeks apart with his fingers while his thumbs moved in and out and around loosening Jensen up and his tongue darted around his ring before diving in and lapping around. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” was all Jensen could mutter as he pushed back on Jared’s face. “Jay you’re killing me, please…” he hissed

Jared pulled back and slicked himself up before ever so slowly sinking into Jensen. Jensen was so tight because he was usually the top but times like this, when Jared got to drive, they both came hard and fast. Jared was huge and wasn’t joking that sometimes he could be seen moving in Jensen’s belly but tonight he was taking it slow and easy, gently easing in before slowing thrusting. He then moved a little and all of a sudden his cock was brushing against his prostate over and over again ever so lazily. Jensen wanted those electric currents to continue, he wanted more, he wanted all of Jared and he could feel him holding back.

“Dude no offence but you’re fucking me like a girl, I bet Misha doesn’t fuck like this.” Jensen said and then had to hold on for grim life as Jared pulled back and shoved into him.

“Fucking Misha, you mention Misha to me now?” Jared said as he slammed into Jensen, he cock was brushing against his prostate amazingly and he was almost bursting his bowel, his balls were slapping against Jensen’s ass as he pulled nearly all the way out and drove in again and his hands roamed all over his body and ass.

“Fuck Jay I’m sorry.” Jensen said with a smile on his face that was quickly wiped off as Jared curled over and around him and took his cock into his hands. Both hands milked him and the sensation was amazing as hot, sweaty and slicked up hands slipped all over his red and throbbing organ. “Fuck Jay I’m gonna come all over this bed in a minute.”

“We still have your room.” Jared said as he thrust hard and fast and jerked Jensen off. “Fuck I love you Jen, I love fucking you and I fucking love being fucked by you.” Jared said and leaned down to bite Jensen’s neck. Jensen swore and his whole body clenched before he came all over the pillow. His tightening hole gave Jared the friction he required and suddenly his ass was warm with Jared’s come as Jared continued nibbling at his neck and stroking his cock.

Jensen let out a little whimper when he couldn’t handle Jared’s hands anymore and Jared let go before pulling Jensen up, throwing away the pillow that he had come on and then lying him down and curling around him. Jensen knew Jared well enough to roll over so they were face to face. As Genevieve said Jared wore his heart on his sleeve and his emotions on his face. Just after sex Jared needed to kiss, needed that contact, needed them face to face and Jensen needed to be face to face so he could see the love and happiness shining out of those eyes. He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across Jared’s once, twice, continuing to do it until he felt Jared smile and his eyes open.

“Love you.” He mumbled as his eyes closed again

“Love you back” Jensen whispered and opened his arms so Jared could snuggle into that little gap between neck and shoulder that Jared owned. It was his, Danneel wasn’t even allowed there because this spot, right here, this belonged to Jared.

 

They slept through the night but Jared woke Jensen with kisses again the next morning to ride him to ecstasy again before getting up to pack his bags.

“So you and Cliff fly out in three hours, we need to leave soon.”

“No I’m not taking Cliff.”

“Of course you are, people come at you Jay, not me.”

“Jen I am not taking Cliff and leaving you alone. Hell you two are taking me to the airport, I’m getting straight on a plane and Genevieve is meeting me at the other end, nothing can happen to me. You are going to two conventions with screaming fans by yourself. Cliff stays with you.”

“I have Misha and I have Mark and I will have other security.”

“Cliff stays or I stay. I don’t trust Misha as far as I can throw him.”

“Ok ok I’ll keep him.” Jensen sighs before picking up the phone to text their body guard.

 

They had a silent ride out to the airport, sitting in the back just holding hands while Cliff drove, no radio on, no talking.

After Jared checked in they went to the lounge to wait until the very last minute before they had to separate. Cliff was asked to go stand at the other end of the terminal as he was easily recognised as their body guard, between seasons facial hair, hats and sunglasses meant they were pretty much incognito to any fans around.

When the flight was called Jared stood up and hauled Jensen in for a tight hug. It was a man hug, they could be brothers or best friends except for behind the hair Jared was kissing Jensen’s neck.

“I love you.” He whispered

“Back at you.” Jensen said and gave him a pat on the back. As they broke apart Cliff appeared

“Cliff you keep that fucking Misha under control, don’t let him anywhere near Jensen and if he pulls any crap I give you permission to hit him and hit him hard.”

“I got it Jared, I won’t let anything go down.”

“I don’t have to go.” He whispered

“Yeah Jay you do.” Jensen said and wiped away the tear that appeared from under Jared’s sunglasses. “I love you and I’ll see you in just over a week. We’re good, go home and rest.”

“Call me?” he whispered

“Every god damn night.” Jensen husked

Just before Jared went through the door he turned around for one last look, lifted his sunglasses and winked at Jensen before disappearing out of sight.

“You right Jensen?”

“Not really. Let’s get this done Cliff and then you and I can head home. What do we got? Ten days? We can do this.”

 

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys it's a little short but I'm writing as it comes to me at the moment. It was only meant to be a one shot but things keep coming to me :)

Jensen sat in the silent hotel room alone in Rome and felt exhaustion take over him. It wasn’t the bone numbing tiredness that he was sure Jared was feeling but the thought of doing this alone drained his energy and made it hard for him to even get up off the bed. He knew he had Misha and Mark but it wasn’t the same as having Jared beside him. Jared had been with him from the beginning, from the embryo, before this thing became a show, a cult classic and a huge convention money spinner.

He had to go out there tonight by himself and he knew he would be confronted with wave upon wave of questions regarding Jared, making him worry about him and miss him even more. He had texted everyone stepping up on stage and asked for their help. Anything they could do lighten his load a little would be greatly appreciated and he had got great feedback from everyone, pretty much the conclusion of people who had shared a set with him was stuff what the organisers said, this was a group effort and everyone would be there all the time to help each other and especially Jensen out.

Misha had expressed his opinion at everyone thinking they could come and go, he was under the false assumption that he was some kind of star at this convention now Jared had pulled out. Hell if anyone was the star after Jared it would be Jim who had been with the show for ten years. He had no idea how Misha managed to get as such a big head as he did, he and Mark had pretty much equal billing and considering this season Mark should almost be above Misha but those bloody minions caused problems for everyone, that and this fucking Desteil canon that infuriated Jensen every time he even heard a whiff of it.  It was in the convention bylaws that it was not too be mentioned at all, he had a guts full, but every now and then the question would be asked before the mic could be pulled away or Misha would walk the crowd letting them ask whatever the hell they wanted and half the time egged them on. Jared kept him calm; Jared laughed it off and made jokes about it to break the tension but if Misha tried any bullshit this weekend Jensen would let Cliff do what he promised Jared he would.

 

Jensen took the stage and it was as he imagined. There was a sort of gloom over the crowd as he stood there. This was too much pressure, thousands of eyes staring at _him_ expecting _him_ to make all of _them_ feel better when he felt like crap himself. He had managed to avoid anything too deep at the opening ceremony by getting everyone up on stage with him but now, sitting here, by himself, he could feel everything from the last few days building up.

Questions and comments were coming hard and fast from the crowd about Jared, how he was doing how he scared them by not showing. Then questions about how he was on the other side of the world from his wife on their wedding anniversary. He knew the answers that had been drilled into him that this was his family too, that the people in front of him were family members that he was happy to be sharing his time with. On the inside he was screaming for them all to just shut up. Ask something different, ask about the show. All these questions left a pit in his stomach that made him want to throw up. Eventually the questions do divert to the show and Jensen relaxes more as he can answer these questions without having to watch what he says and everything’s going smoothly until they run out of fucking questions. Seriously he didn’t think too much of himself but if they were going to spend money to come out to see him at least have fucking questions so they didn’t all just sit there expecting him to entertain them. He was just a person, an actor in on a television show, not an entertainer, not a comedian, not a singer on stage, he was fed lines to say and in the off season he came to keep the masses happy and now they all stared at him silently. He started strumming the guitar he had picked up a while ago and sang one of Jared’s favourite songs. The crowd went wild and joined in and eventually he was allowed to leave the stage.

As he walked off the stage, tears in his eyes, stomach churning and wanting to find the closest toilet, Cliff handed him his mobile

“What?” Jensen snapped at whoever was on the other end of the line

“You did good Jen.” A voice said quietly and Jensen’s legs gave way. Cliff caught him and sat him on a couch before he fell to the ground

“You heard?”

“I was there for the whole thing.” And just like that Jensen’s stomach stopped churning

“Are you ok?”

“Don’t worry about me Jen, I’m at home. How are you doing? I thought you did amazing out there.”

“They ran out of fucking questions Jay.”

“It happens. You did good and thanks for my song, I loved it.”

“Where’s Genevieve?”

“Somewhere not here. I’m in my den.”

“What are you wearing?” Jensen husked

“Really? You wanna go there when you are surrounded by people? I can hear the chatter but ok I am wearing my oldest, softest, most comfortable grey pyjama pants, you know the ones, they’re almost threadbare and see through and I have been hard the entire time listening to you on stage and now I know you are ok and off stage I am about to put my hand down my pants and imagine you doing to me what I really want you and only you to do.” Jared whispered

“Fuck Jay.” Jensen groaned and could feel himself getting hard

“Wanna find somewhere quiet and play with me?”

“God yes.”

“Whatever you two are doing you are not doing it on my phone. “ Cliff interrupted before pulling the phone away from Jensen. “He is fine. We are fine, I will ring you tomorrow.” Cliff snapped into the handpiece and hung up. “Were you about to have phone sex on my phone?” Cliff snapped at Jensen as he slid his phone into his pocket

“No.” Jensen said but couldn’t stop smirking and Cliff walked off muttering about anti-bacterial wipes

“So are we doing this Ackles?” Mark asks as he walks up to him

“Doing what?”

“Shaking off the blues and painting the town red. Just cause Moose aint here doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time. I think you could use to let off some steam.”

“You’re on.” Jensen says because the thought of returning to his hotel room alone is in no way an entertaining thought, he held up his hand and Mark pulled him out of the couch

All the actors from the convention went out to dinner and had a good time as the wine flowed; afterwards Mark, Jim, Felicia, Rob and Bob all went back to Jensen’s suite to sit around relaxing, talking or not talking, playing cards and strumming guitars. Jensen felt safe with this group of people and could let his guard down, Misha was not invited as he seemed to take note of things and put them up on Twitter or Instagram, no one could relax in his presence and Jensen really needed to relax tonight without worrying about what he might say.

“How’s our boy doing?” Jim asked as he sat down next to him, handing him another whiskey.

“He sounded ok when I talked to him today but it’s gonna take a while.”

“How you doin?”

“I’m not gonna lie Jim he scared the crap out of me, I didn’t know what to do, sending him home to his wife seemed the right thing to do.”

“Even though you wanted him here.”

“Yeah.” Jensen sighed and tears welled in his eyes. Fuck he was so tired he had to be careful he didn’t get himself in the situation Jared was in. He had to relax and let it go

“I know you love him son.”

“Like a brother, we have been at this forever, you know that.” The company line came so easily to his lips

“Jensen I love you boys like sons, I have worked very closely with you two for ten years.”

“And…?”

“And I know you _love_ him son.”

“Jim…”Jensen stuttered as his eyes flicked around the room making sure no one was listening.

“You don’t think I see things when you two are in rooms alone together or in the car. No I know you don’t do anything gross son but it’s the way you two move as if mentally in sync with each other and you touch, you pat, you stand close to each other, you breathe each other in. You feed off each other’s energy; hell it’s one of the best relationships I’ve seen in this industry. Don’t matter whether it’s girl, boy, black, yellow, or orange, if it makes you happy that’s all that matters. I get it son you can’t risk the show, you can’t risk all these people’s careers, I get it, I just hope you two get the happy ending you deserve at the end of it all. You two carry this show, carry all these people. You have had huge responsibilities on your shoulders since you were too young to have to. I am so proud of you boys and what you have achieved”

“We’re happy, he has Genevieve, I have Danni, we have beautiful kids, we’ve got this great job with adoring fans, what more could we ask for?” Jensen said but one tear leaked down his cheek at what Jim had said. He had become their onset father, more than Jeffrey was, and he felt his chest tighten with pride at what Jim had said to him.

“I don’t know? To end up with your one true love?”

“This aint The Princess Bride but thanks for the pep talk Jim.” Jensen said before tapping his glass to his and swallowing the shot.

The night ended with Mark and Cliff tipping Jensen into bed and Cliff swearing Mark to secrecy about anything Jensen may have said on the way up to the room. He remembered vaguely describing in detail the pyjama bottoms Jared was wearing and how he reacted to them.

“He’s not telling me something I didn’t already suspect Cliff.” Mark muttered

“Well that’s for you to have the discussion with the boys or not but it does not leave this room. They’re usually so careful about what they say or do they’re just so fucking tired at the moment. If they don’t talk to their management hell I’m going to. This has cost me someone too you know.”

“Yeah I’m sorry man.” Mark said with a slap on the back before they left a snoring Jensen alone.

 

 

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

“Holy Mother of God” was all Jensen could think when he woke the next morning. His head was pounding, his stomach was churning even worse than yesterday and he’s pretty sure someone had stuck a ten year old dead shoe in his mouth.

“You up.” Cliff says as he comes barging through the door

“No” Jensen said and his voice was deep and raspy from too much alcohol, sounding more like Dean then the actor right at this minute.

“Come on get in the shower man and I’ll get some breakfast up here.”

“There is no way in hell I can eat.”

“Trust me eating will be better for you than not eating.” Cliff says and picks up the phone.

“What happened?”

“What do you remember?”

“Whiskey? Smoking?”

“Well you were pretty well behaved considering; you only traumatised me and Mark. You might want to apologise to him when you see him today.”

“Fuck.”

“Well no you didn’t talk about that but Mark may ask you where Jared buys his super dooper so soft and cuddly pyjama bottoms from.”

“Oh fuck.” Jensen says and pulls the pillow over his head

“Now as much as I would love to let you stay in bed we are here for a reason so I get the joy of being the hard ass getting you up and moving. At least you don’t hit like Jared.”

 

Jensen stood back stage with his sunglasses on and prayed that he would make it through this session. Bacon, eggs, coffee, water and head ache tablets were sitting uncomfortably in his stomach and he did not feel like going out there to energetically entertain. He had already cursed Jim for the whiskey and apologised to Mark for the pyjama pants and now he stood there psyching himself up. Cliff handed him his phone

“Hey Jay.” He said quietly as he looked at the face of his lover on screen. He still had bags under his eyes and his face looked drawn but he was smiling happily

“Babe what’s wrong?” Jared gasped when he saw him

“Nothing.” Jensen said as he walked over to a quiet corner, as much as he loved looking at his boyfriend, face time meant their conversation could be heard.

“Take off your sunglasses.”

“Oh god please don’t make me do that.” Jensen groaned

“Jen!” he said with authority

“Fine.” He said and pulled his glasses off

“Jen what the fuck? What’s wrong? Where’s Cliff? Put Cliff on.” Jared yelped and yelled, his eyes were bugging out of his head and then Jensen had to close his eyes because Jared was up and pacing and the moving screen was hurting his head

“Jay it’s fine, everything’s fine, just too much whiskey last night that’s all.” Jensen said as the glasses went back on

“Whiskey?”

“Geez alright whiskey and I had a smoke ok.” It was like talking to his mother

“Jen…”

“Shh people can hear.”

“Bull, where’s Cliff?”

“Jared Cliff is not my babysitter.”

“Misha better not have anything to do with this.” He growled

“I haven’t even seen Misha since dinner with everyone last night and I haven’t talked to him since the panel yesterday afternoon and Bob was with us. It was just too much whiskey with Jim and Mark.”

“I’m coming back.” Jared was frantic

“You are not coming back here Jared Padalecki, don’t make me ring your wife.”

“Jensen look at you, you sent me home for being tired and now you’re the one spinning out of control” Jared was running a hand through his hair and his eyes were dashing around his room looking to see if there was something he could do for Jensen from there.

“Jared its just whiskey, we have no secrets, if something was wrong I promise I would tell you.”

“We shouldn’t be apart, this isn’t good us being apart, it’s not working.” Jared’s voice was getting higher

“Jay…Jay look at me.” Jensen returned the favour of the authoritive voice, “I am fine, everything is cruising here although we all miss you. I need you to relax and do what I sent you home to do. How am I meant to relax and get through this if I’m still worrying about you?” he said in a calm voice now he had his attention

“Jen…” Jared put out his hand and ran it across the screen as if patting Jensen’s face and Jensen closed his eyes as if he could feel it.

“Jensen you’re on, oh hello Moose, show us your pj’s then.” Mark said as he came up behind Jensen

“Fuck Off” Jensen muttered the same time as Jared asked a confused “What?”

“Bloody hilarious.” Mark laughed.

“I gotta go Jared, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wait do you have your phone on you?”

“Ah yeah.” Jensen said sarcastically and all of a sudden Jared disconnected

“Funny little fellar isn’t he, good luck with that.” Mark said with a pat on his back before walking away.

Jensen’s phone rang a familiar tune and he answered it. “Dude what are you doing?”

“Put me in your pocket.”

“What?”

“Put me in your pocket that way I’m there with you.”

“Dude I am not putting you in my pocket, this is insane, you’re meant to be resting.”

“I am resting and I will be better rested once I know you’ve made it through this.”

“I am not putting you in my pocket and I’m going now.”

“Jen?”

“What?” he snapped

“Love you.” He whispered

“I know, love you too.” He whispered and hung up the phone.

Jensen suddenly felt a bounce in his step and wasn’t too worried about going out there. As he walked on stage he heard Cliff’s phone ring and as he looked back he saw Cliff holding his phone up so Jared could see everything that was going on. Jensen was not alone. He wasn’t quite up to taking the sunglasses off when he hit the stage but he definitely had a smile on his face and contentment in his body. He could almost ignore that he was going to be up here with Misha in this afternoon’s panel. Just had to get through this morning.

Jensen made it through the session without any snarkiness at all for which he was proud of himself. At lunch he went and lay down on one of the couches in the green room and dozed.

“Jensen you’re up with Misha next.” He was woken by the organisers

“Where is he?” he growled out and looked around the room to see Cliff and Misha standing in a corner, Misha on the phone. Jensen sat and watched as Misha went red and then pale in the face before hanging up the phone and handing it back to Cliff

“Cliff.” Jensen yelled, “What’s going on?” he asked when Cliff got closer

“Jared just laying down a few rules for this afternoon.”

“Fuck I should have just kept him here with me, he’s not resting being at home if he’s pretty much here anyway.”

“We just gotta get through this afternoon & he’s good.”

“He’s killing me, it’s too much. Get me a drink.”

“Jensen?” Cliff gasped, it never happened, water was it

“Dude put it in a cup and we’ll call it apple juice.”

“Fine.”

“Now what did Jay say?”

“Pretty much don’t touch you, don’t come near you, don’t mention any of that minion crap and to stay on the other side of the stage from you at all times.”

“Fuck me, well this is gonna be a fun afternoon after all that dick measuring”

As Jensen walked back on stage with Misha Cliff pulled out his phone again. He knew this afternoon’s face time was all about Jared. Jared knew he could do this when he had someone else up on stage with him he just didn’t want to share him and all that was going through Jensen’s mind was ‘Fuck him. Fuck him sitting at home with his wife and his kids and still being territorial while Jensen was stuck on the other side of the world. Fuck him for getting the option to go home and still not relaxing.’ Jensen personally knew that he would be exactly the same if it were him in Jared’s situation but right at the minute he was pissed off about the whole thing and felt like tormenting him a little.

When they walked out on stage Jensen wrapped his arms around Misha as they faced the crowd. He could feel Misha tense before he played along with the gag and as Jensen looked to the left he could see Cliff shaking his head at him.

“What the hell are you doing man?” Misha whispered as they moved around the stage

“Playing it up for the crowd man, that’s what we’re here for.”

“Yeah well your best friend said he would cut it off if I came anywhere near you so how about you stay your side of the stage and I’ll stay mine.”

“Coward, he’s eight years younger than you.”

“And fucking a half a foot taller, he can pick me up and throw me across a room.”

“Apple Juice” Jensen yells across the stage and while looking that way looks straight into the phone Cliff is holding. Cliff understands and hangs up on Jared. ‘Apple Juice’ appears and after he & Misha joke about how small the amount in the cup is, to cover up the fact it’s liquor Jensen throws it down. He is prepared for the burn as it slides down but he also has to hide a little smirk when he watches Misha’s face colour as he tried not to react to the liquid. His eyes flash to Jensen before he continues on.

Jensen’s phone starts vibrating in his pocket and he knows he’s in trouble now. He knows that next time he picks up his phone he’s going to pay but right now, not only hungover but also with a warm feeling from the scotch, he knows he needs to just be here living for the now. Someone has to put their foot down or they’ll be exactly what Genevieve called them, co-dependent and dysfunctional.

The Q & A actually didn’t go too bad. Misha pretty much made sure he was on whatever side of the stage Jensen wasn’t on, Jensen only stuffed up once, accidentally lifting his shirt to wipe the ‘apple juice’ of his face that had the crowd going wild and other then not understanding half the questions that were being asked of them they made it through, making sure the crowd had a good time. It helped that half way through the session all the other cast members started showing up for the end of the convention and he could feel their good vibes coming his way, plus them being there really made Misha behave himself with whatever he said. He knew Cliff was diverting calls on his mobile also because every time he looked over he was looking down scowling and wiping his hand across the screen. All Jensen could think was thank God Jared didn’t know about Mark and Jim suspecting or he would be hassling them as well.

After he said goodbye to the crowd he walked off stage and pulled his phone out of his pocket. It had been vibrating against his leg for the entire time. Five missed calls, two voices messages he was sure he didn’t want to hear and one sms – FUCK YOU. He sighed. He went over to Cliff who held out his phone. Ten missed calls, no voice messages and one sms – CLIFF PICK UP THE PHONE I SWEAR TO GOD!

“This is not going to be good.” Cliff muttered

“Ring Genevieve and make sure he’s ok.”

“Why do I have to ring her?”

“Because…I don’t know just because.” Jensen said and walked away.

Five minutes later Jensen was talking to Mark when Cliff handed him the phone

“Hi.” He said as he stepped away from Mark

“What the hell did you do?” Genevieve yelled down the phone, loud enough for Mark to raise his eyebrows.

“What?” his mind couldn’t catch up that he wasn’t talking to his boyfriend but he knew he had to get to a quiet area quickly before the whole convention heard this phone call even if she wasn’t on speaker phone.

“My husband, my six foot four, thirty two year old husband is sitting in the garage in his car crying. Now since I know I didn’t do anything and his phone shows about twenty missed calls to you and Cliff I’m asking what the hell did you do?” she screamed

“Nothing. I told him to stop ringing me and do what I sent him home to do. This is not my fault Genevieve.”

“And then?”

“What?” he knew he sounded defensive

“And then?”

“What are you? Out of that Asian horror movie or something?”

“Jensen!”

“Fuck it alright, I might have played it up a little with Misha, nothing major, that’s all. It was for the crowd”

“Misha! Jensen you know how he feels about Misha and that is because of you. He doesn’t like Misha because Misha torments you. He doesn’t like Misha because you hate Desteil canon. He doesn’t like Misha to protect you. He’s sitting in the car trying figure out how to get to you.” Genevieve growled

“Just put him on the phone.”

“Jensen”

“What?”

“Fuck off.” She yelled and hung up.

“Aargh.” Jensen was so frustrated he put up his arm to throw the phone across the room.

“Ah no, mine.” Cliff said as he grabbed his arm and took his phone out his hand

“Fuck.” Jensen yelled and kicked a chair across the room. People turned and looked but no one said anything, putting it down to Jensen being tired and worried about Jared.

 

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Jensen got off the plane in Austin and felt the sun against his face. Home, even if it was only for a couple of days is home. He breathed in a deep breath and then turned to Cliff.

“We good?”

We’re good.”

Jensen hadn’t been able to get hold of Jared since the convention, his phone had been turned off and he was pretty sure they were screening the calls on the home phone. All he had to do was get home, have a shower and then pop in on Jared to make sure he was ok before going back home and crashing for three days straight. Everything was fixable and he just needed to see and touch his boyfriend and then he could relax before he had to get on a plane for Australia.

They walked through departures and Jensen was talking to Cliff as he banged into someone

“Sorry.” He muttered as he went to step aside

“So you fucking should be.” A voice growled back and Jensen froze and looked up.

“Ah hi?”

“I got this Cliff, thanks.” The voice said, all but ignoring Jensen before reaching for his bag and turning and walking away.

“You good?” Cliff asked

“Yeah I’m good. We knew it was gonna happen sooner or later” Jensen smiled ruefully and followed his bag and that gorgeous, tight ass that had him getting hard as he watched it strut away. Five days it had been, five days without his smile, his lips, his smell, his ass. He was throbbing by the time he got to the car.

“Hi.” He said with a smile as he leaned across the console.

“No you don’t get to say hi and lean across and try and kiss me. Just sit there and let me drive.”

“Fine.” Jensen huffed but he did sit back with a smile. He could see how hard Jared was so whatever was happening right now he knew they would get what they both wanted at the end of the ride. Surprisingly Jared pulled into his own driveway.

“Genevieve home?” he asked casually

“No they’re having a sleep over with Danneel and JJ before you get home from Rome tomorrow.” Jared said as he grabbed Jensen’s bag out of the back seat.

“Tomorrow?” Jensen asked but was ignored

“Den” was all Jared said as he threw open the front door. Jensen walked through the huge house to the den. He loved this room because it suited his boyfriend perfectly. Everything was big and unbreakable and masculine. Genevieve wasn’t allowed in here, wasn’t even allowed to open the door. Jared said she had the rest of the entire house surely she could stay out of one room, well two but mainly this one. Jared came in with two bottles of water and some clothes and slammed and locked the door.

“Jay…” Jensen started to say but was shut up by Jared pushing him down onto the lounge and straddling him, “Jay…”

“So you wanna wait til I’m in another country before you get all frisky with fucking Misha hey Jensen?” Jared growled as he started on the buttons on his shirt

“We were just…” was as far as he got before Jared leant down and kissed him ferociously. Their teeth banged together and tongues clashed as they gave each other as good as they were getting. Jared bit on Jensen’s lower lip before sucking it in and rolling it between his teeth, he then sucked his tongue in and ran his teeth down the length of it. All the time he was unbuttoning Jensen’s shirt, undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans.

“How far did Misha get?” he growled as he removed his mouth to gasp for air.

“Nowhere, it was just…”

“Did he get here?” Jared said and rang his tongue down Jensen’s throat, “Did he get to lick here?” Jared asked before sucking on Jensen’s ear lobe, making him whimper and arch off the couch, “Did he make you keen like that baby?”

“No” Jensen gasped and he put his hands on Jared’s chest only to have them removed and put down at his sides again.

“Don’t touch me with hands that have touched him.” Jared growled before sliding down. “Did he get to take your shirt off? I’ve seen the photos, you left the stage half undressed, you flashed your stomach and your abs for everyone to see like a mating lion and I saw the photo of you taking your belt off.” Jared said as he licked and suckled on one of Jensen’s nipples while the other one was twisted and pulled with his hand

“No Jay, he didn’t get to touch anything.” Jensen gasped when he could think again

“Because if anyone Jensen, anyone has touched this...” Jared growled before sucking Jensen into his mouth, hard.

“God no, no one.” Jensen moaned with his eyes squeezed closed, hands clenched at his sides and body arching up of the lounge, shoving his cock further down Jared’s throat. Jared got everything involved in this blow job. His lips were sucking, his tongue was sliding up and down the purple vein at the back, one hand was pumping the parts not in Jared’s mouth and the other hand was playing with his balls and sliding up and down that oh so fucking piece of sensitive skin between ass and balls. “Jay I’m gonna…” and he came, deep down Jared’s throat while Jared continued sucking and licking and moving his hand.

“Holy fuck.” Was all Jensen could mutter when the waves of ecstasy had finished overtaking him. Jared sat up and opened a bottle of water, taking a big swig before handing it to Jensen. “Thanks.” He said and drank deep.

“Bedroom.” Jared said and stood up from the couch still fully clothed. “No one’s home but I’m sure you don’t want to walk through the house naked so….” Jared said as he threw Jensen a pair of sleep pants and went and stood by the door, his massive erection pushing against his jeans while he waited for Jensen to get the energy to dress himself. Jensen couldn’t quite figure out what was going on but he was happy to be home with his boyfriend so would follow where he led for the moment

Jared than led him upstairs to their bedroom. Officially it was Jensen and Danneels when they stayed over but Danneel very rarely stayed over and in the wardrobe was numerous items of clothes Jensen’s size.

Once Jensen walked into the room, again Jared shut and locked the door. They may be home alone but his house was only five minutes away if someone had forgotten something.

Jared led Jensen into the bathroom and after turning on the shower, gently undressed him and pushed him under the water. He then left the bathroom and let Jensen shower off the aeroplane flight and blow job. When Jensen walked back into the bedroom in sleep pants Jared too was in sleep pants and sitting at the end of the bed waiting for him.  Jensen went over to him and lifted Jared’s face to kiss him but he just smiled and pulled away. He then pushed Jensen onto the bed and directed him onto his stomach

“Shall I take my pants off?” Jensen husked

“No need.” Jared said before bringing a bottle from the bedside table and straddling him. It wasn’t what Jensen thought it was and he lay there while Jared poured lavender massage oil into his hands and warmed it up before sliding them over Jensen’s tight back. Jensen let out a guttural moan as Jared’s hands found all his tight muscles and tense knots and massaged them until they became loose and pliable. He worked in silence for an hour unwinding Jensen and relaxing him to the point of comatose

“Keep this up Jay and I’m gonna be too sleepy to make love to you.” Jensen murmured

“Just relax and go to sleep Jensen. I got your back.” Jared whispered and Jensen followed his advice, closing his eyes and nodding off to sleep. He only had one unsettling thought cross through the fog of sleepiness before he was completely gone and that was that Jared had not used his nickname for him once today.

Jensen slept for twelve hours straight, he half woke when Jared slid into bed with him some time last night but he hadn’t woken when he climbed out this morning. Now he opened his eyes to see the indent on the pillow beside him, the only sign that Jared had been here at all. He had kind of hoped Jared would be there with him now so it was his gorgeous hazel eyes he saw as he woke or that he would have woken him up to make slow love to him because although he had really needed that sleep and had slept better than he had since Jared left, he now needed to feel his boyfriend’s weight and warmth on him and he wasn’t sure how much time they had. Even as he had that thought…

“Come on sleepy head we gotta get you home.” Jared said as he walked in and placed a coffee on Jensen’s bedside table. He was wide awake, showered and dressed. How long had he been up for?

“How much time do we have?”

“Just enough for you to shower. There’s some clothes in the bathroom and your bag’s in the car already.”

“Jay come here and give me a proper good morning.” Jensen husked

“Don’t have time Jensen, come on move it or I’ll let the dogs in.” he said and turned and walked out.

Jensen wasn’t quite sure what was going on and as he showered he thought about yesterday and today. Jared seemed stand offish and hadn’t really touched him other than the blow job and the massage that should have led to so much more but hadn’t. He hadn’t once called him ‘Jen’ and he didn’t seem in any urgent hurry to be with Jensen. He was sure it wasn’t Misha, they had arguments about him in the past and Jared always got over them quickly as soon as Jensen calmed him down and told him to stop being stupid. He knew Jared was exhausted and that he needed time to rest and maybe sort some things out but surely he wasn’t still blaming him for sending him home, he had needed it and admitted it himself once he got over the initial shock of the conversation.

After showering and dressing Jensen walked down stairs and as Jared heard him coming he came out of the den and went and stood by the front door.

“Ready?” he asked gravely, no smile at all

“Not really. Can’t we have some time together?”

“Jensen Danneel and JJ are expecting you home and I gotta pick up my wife and boys”

 “Why did you come and get me if you didn’t want to be with me?” Jensen asked confused

“I knew you would need the sleep after the convention and flight. I wanted you to relax and just sleep.” Jared said and walked out the door.

 

Jensen got in the car and although it was only a five minute drive the silence and tension in the vehicle made it feel like forever. When they pulled into Jensen’s driveway he finally got up the courage to turn to Jared

“What’s going on?”

“I’m saying goodbye.”

“No what’s going on with you or with us Jay?”

“That’s what I meant. I’m saying goodbye. I can’t do this anymore Jensen. It’s like living two separate lives and one of those lives is completely secret and hidden. It takes too much energy and it is too exhausting. Something had to give and this is it.”

“You’re saying goodbye to us?” Jensen’s voice went an octave higher with shock.

“Now seems like a good time. We’ve got a couple of months to get used to this before filming starts and then if you’re still uncomfortable working with me or me with you we’ve got time to talk to the studios about this being the last season. We’re professionals we can work together.”

“No wait, you are saying good bye to us. We’ve been together seven years Jay, we’ve been together longer than you and your wife. Was this her idea?” Jensen was getting angry now and pissed off that they were having this discussion in the tight confines of a car right outside his house where everyone could come barrelling out any second and he knew that was why Jared had waited.

“It was not her idea. This is all me. Seven years ago you made a decision about what way this would go. We would not go public, we would keep it to ourselves but I thought that this was it. You and me against the world...”

“Which is exactly what you said to me a week ago when we were together”

“…then you went and got engaged to Danneel. And I remember thinking it was stupid of me to think it was you and me against the world, rationally I knew how you felt about coming out but I still thought we were in it together until then. You made your decision then and I knew where I came in the grand scheme of things…”

“Jay…”

“…and then you told me I should marry Gen and I did and you got married to Danneel and that was that. We’re married and we need to stick to the vows we made to our wives.”

“Come on Jay, let’s talk about this, take me back to your place…”

“Jensen I’ve made my decision and Gen’s it.”

“You’re picking her over me?” Jensen was frantic. He didn’t have time to think, he didn’t know what to say and he could see the resolution in Jared’s face.

“You chose Danneel over us”

“I moved here from fucking LA to be with you.” He yelled

“Jensen I can’t do this anymore. I had the choice of a marriage with a woman who has given me two beautiful boys and who I can go out in public with and hold hands and be loved and a relationship that I have to keep completely hidden, sneak around in the dark, can’t hold hands or touch you in public oh and by the way you’re married to a woman who has given you a gorgeous little girl. I have thought about this a long time because it makes me sick to lose your friendship, you were my best friend before the sex…”

“Before we fell in love with each other” Jensen interrupted

“…but we have to act like adults now and this is it. I’m not gonna lie, it’s gonna be hard for a while until we find our new ground. The kids love each other and our wives are best friends so we’re gonna need to figure this out but we’re grown men…Oh look here comes everyone.” Jared said and he planted a smile on his face before opening the door

“Jay wait” Jensen made a grab for him but Jared pulled away and climbed out the car

“Look who’s here guys.” He called and Jensen had to climb out and be accosted by three kids as his wife came forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

He was numb. He could hardly smile, everyone was closing in on him, in his personal space, blocking him in and he just wanted to yell at them all to get away from him while his brain tried to comprehend everything that had just happened. He watched Jared take his bag into his house and come back out. He had only taken it as far the doorway.

“Come on guys let Uncle Jensen spend some with JJ and get some sleep.” Jared said as he scooped up his two boys and took them over to Genevieve’s car. He belted them into their seats while Gen went inside to grab their bags and say goodbye to Danneel. Jensen followed them inside but never came out again. Jared could see Danneel looking at him intently as he offered her a casual wave goodbye before getting in his own truck and driving off.

 

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet tempter

“How’s Jared doing?” Danneel asked Genevieve over the phone

“I don’t know he didn’t come home after leaving your place. Jensen looked pretty good for someone who’s been away so long though.”

“Yeah that’s why I’m ringing, can you go check the bedroom?”

“Hang on.” Genevieve said and walked upstairs, “Oh ok.”

“That’s what I thought, he must have got back yesterday, that’s why Jared suggested you keep me company last night.”

“Um Danni how’s Jensen doing?” she asked hesitantly

“He’s sitting in the lounge room staring at the blank TV while JJ is playing around him, why?”

“Something’s not right here. Not to be gross but this is not how this bedroom usually looks after it’s had guests.”

“What do you think’s going on?”

“I don’t know but between you and me I don’t think it’s good. We both know the relationship between our husbands. You’ve told me Jensen is up front with you about it whereas for Jared and me it’s an elephant in the room that I fight on a daily basis. I don’t want to break up my family.” Genevieve whispered

“Gen like I said last night after too much wine it won’t break up your family, I think we’ll just become a different type of family, a bigger, more open one.”

“I’m going to have to have the conversation aren’t I?” she sighed

“If you want Jared to get better I think so. A lot of the stress on him is probably trying to hide this from the world and especially from you. I think Jensen has it easier because at least he can come home and talk to me about it but I remember what he was like before he finally confessed what he was feeling. He told me he felt like he was spinning out of control and that’s probably how Jared feels now and has been feeling for a long time. You’re going to need to become his best friend Gen for you two to get through this, trust me I know.”

“How did this happen? How did two of the manliest men we know turn out to be this way?”

“Gen that’s very bigoted of you. Look you’re one of my closest friends so let me say this, any time you want to rant homophobic slurs call me, I won’t take it the wrong way, but you can’t talk like that in front of your husband. No one can help who they fall in love with. When I asked Jensen he told me he wasn’t homosexual and after I called him on it he said he was telling the truth. I still to this day remember him describing this to me because he was so sincere. He was not gay, he did not look at guys in that way and he was attracted to women. When he started working with Jared they became friends and then best friends and then Jensen realised he had found his soul mate, his perfect fit. He said to me it had never mattered to him whether Jared was man or woman but it mattered that his soul called out for his and he needed to be close to Jared’s soul to feel whole. He feels one hundred percent contentment when they are together no matter what is going on with them and around them and to him that is true love! We can’t help who we fall in love with and because we love them we will stick with them and get them through this. Jensen is good, he’s happy so you need to be there for Jared and you need to know that Jensen and I are there to help either or both of you. We can do this.”

 “I know Danni I know; you know I’m not usually like that I just feel like we’re kind of in a tail spin at the moment and I don’t know how to pull out.”

“By talking trust me. Knowing Jared I bet once you open up the subject you won’t be able to shut him up.”

“Thanks Danni and I promise I’m not homophobic it’s just…”

“So close to home. I know. Now let’s help our husbands through this ok? Anything you need call me.”

“Thanks.”

 

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Jared drove. He didn’t have a destination in mind he just drove. If he was honest with himself he actually just wanted to keep driving until he reached Mexico, he was actually wondering if he had his passport on him as he drove although rationally he knew that was stupid. He had a wife and two kids that he needed to step up for and look after. Part of him wished he was twenty three again where he could just pack a back pack and go travel the world and forget everything. He had money now, he could rent a shack on a Mexican beach, load it up with tequila and never move again. At first he thought don’t move until the pain went but he knew the pain would never go. He had a contract, he knew he had to be back in Vancouver in a couple of months, but that meant he had a couple of months to lick his wounds and prepare to face Jensen again.

He had had a week to sit at home and worry about Jensen being out there by himself, representing for both of them, and he realised he had no one to talk to. Genevieve was anti Jensen although Jared thought it was more her prejudice and attempting to keep her head in the sand that was mostly to blame for that. They never talked about it, never even hinted at it but he knew she changed the sheets in the spare room on days he forgot, she must know deep in her heart but as long as she wanted to keep the blinkers on and not approach the subject he would stick with her wishes, she was his wife, he had promised to protect her. The funny thing is if she now got the balls to ask there was nothing to tell.

He had no one to turn to to express his pain and his concern, to express how much he missed him with his entire body and soul. He had felt tired when on the road but the absolute sickness that engulfed his whole body when away from Jensen was a hundred times worse.  He didn’t want to break the news to his parents like this and for a brief moment thought of Jeff but although Jeff was a doctor he was also a Southern man and Southern men don’t take too kindly to different sexuality. He knew Megan would be ok with the whole thing but he thought the same thing of her as he did his parents. ‘Hi sis, I really need to talk to someone about Jensen with whom I have been in a sexual relationship with for seven years, what? Well yes I do love him, ah yes I am married to Genevieve, no I can’t really explain the complexity of it all, why am I just telling you now…’ yeah that was not a conversation he wanted to even start because he knew he would feel worse than he did right now and hell that was saying something.

 

As he drove he thought back to the first time he met Jensen. He had walked into the producer’s office to see just one other person sitting there. As a twenty-two year old who was feeling out of his depth he had stood there for probably a full minute wondering where all the other actors trying out were and wondering if he was in the right room when Jensen looked up at him and smiled.

“Ah hi?” his greeting a question

“How you doing, Jared right?” he said as he stood up and came over to shake his hand

“Yeah. Where is everybody?”

“It’s just you and me apparently.”

“And you are…?”

“Sorry man Jensen Ackles.”

“Ackles? Like Dark Angel Ackles?”

“Yeah that’s me.” Jensen smiled an embarrassed, awkward smile as he ran his hand through his hair and Jared was relaxed immediately.

“So how’d you know who I was?” Jared said as he walked into the room and flopped down on a couch.

“I heard your name mentioned for the part I was reading for so had to Google you and make sure you were worthy.”

“Worthy?”

“Yeah to be playing next to a good looking guy like me.” Jensen smirked and Jared burst out laughing.

“And?”

“And your photos are hot dude, too hot to be my brother. Very pretty.”

“Pretty? Fuck you man.”

“Hey if the shoe fits.’ He shrugged with a smile

“Pretty? The dude with the greenest eyes I have ever fucking seen and lips that are prettier than any girls is telling me I’m pretty? I must be hot.” He smirked and they burst out laughing together.

 By the time they had entered into the inner sanctum to read for their roles they knew they would be great together and once they had been congratulated on getting the parts and went out for beers they knew they would be friends, which was a good thing with all the time they would be spending together filming in a completely different country.

 

He didn’t even know how they had gone from being friends to best friends to more. Well he remembered when it became more he just couldn’t remember the exact moment he had started thinking of Jensen as someone he loved as a lover and partner. Before then he had just loved him as a best friend and had told him so a million times when drunk and sometimes when sober. He had been in a relationship with Sandy for three years and had even proposed to her, he was committed to her when something just changed. Sandy had been discussing wedding dresses and fifteen bridesmaids in a proper southern wedding and Jared had been sitting on set watching Jensen have Chap Stick put on his lips and all of a sudden he got hard thinking of those lips on his.

God it had been an uncomfortable couple of months for Jared. At twenty-five, not a kid anymore but definitely not worldly, he had swung between nausea and pure terror at what he was feeling. He was good at his job and kept it together on screen but off screen he had fled from Jensen; kept himself locked up in his trailer and made excuses not to go out anymore.

He knew Jensen was worried and maybe even panicking that he had done something to upset their friendship but Jared was too upset to put his mind at ease, too busy staying away from him in case Jensen could see the turmoil going through his head.

They had proven on numerous occasions they could read each other’s minds and Jared did not want to ruin the best friendship he had ever had plus it was hard for him to be in the same room with Jensen and his eyes and his smile and his laugh without his body reacting which was throwing him into even more confusion. He was not gay, he was sure he was not gay. He had had relationships with girls, hell he and Sandy had a great sex life, someone doesn’t just become gay in their twenties. As much as he had no idea what was going on with his mind or his body he had to admit that something deep inside him was reacting to Jensen.

When they finally got a long weekend break in filming Jared realised he had to man up and go to Sandy and break it off. That was the hardest thing he had ever done. Harder than leaving home for LA, harder than any audition he had ever tried for; nothing was ever going to come of his feelings for Jensen but he was too much of a gentleman to string Sandy along when he wasn’t fully committed. Tears and yelling ensued and it was even harder because he didn’t have a solid reason for the split other than this just wasn’t what he wanted anymore.

When they returned to filming he knew he was paler and looked stressed and although he got a talking to from producers for not looking like he did before he went away the hardest thing was when Jensen knocked on his trailer door and asked him if everything was ok.

“Yeah man, everything’s fine.” Jared said holding onto the door, ready to close it as soon as possible

“Come on Jared, talk to me man, you’ve been off for months now, you don’t even talk to me anymore yet alone hang out with me and then you come back looking like this. Something’s bothering you. Are your mum and dad ok? Is someone sick?” He was completely sincere in his concern and Jared just wanted to go into his arms

“No everyone’s fine thanks for asking.” He smiled politely

“Is it all the wedding preparations? I hear they can be a bitch.”

“No ah no actually Sandy and I broke up. The wedding’s off.”

“Geez Jay I’m so sorry.” Jensen came up the stairs to wrap Jared in a hug and Jared jumped back. He could see Jensen’s eyes dim and his face drop as he looked down at the stair.

“Jensen everything is fine. Please just let me read my lines.”

“I can read with you?”

“No I got it Jen, I’ll see you on set.”

“Jared I’m sorry…” Jensen whispered as he looked at the ground

“What for?” Jared was startled into asking

“Whatever it is I did to piss you off. You gotta tell me man so I can fix it. I miss you, I miss us.”

“I just need some time Jen. I’m trying to sort out some stuff in my head and I just need some time. We’re good I promise.”

It was a week later when Jensen confronted Jared at his house although confronted was the wrong word, maybe more trapped. Jared had been in daggy trackies and a ten year old worn out shirt when Jensen showed up with pizza, beer and tequila. Jared had quickly said he was going out which Jensen said was bull shit and barrelled in.

It had taken a few beers for Jared to unwind and a few shots of tequila before he relaxed to his normal self and then unfortunately, or fortunately as it turned out, a few more tequilas went under the belt.

Jared was telling a lude joke and Jensen had his head thrown back, his loud laughter singing out and Jared had just stopped dead, stared at him in pure wonder and growled out “Fuck I love you.”

He had said it a million times in a million different drunk and sober ways and he didn’t think his tone had been different but what did he know? He was twenty-five and drunk. Jensen had stopped laughing, looked Jared deep in the eyes and then leaned over and placed his lips on Jared’s. “I love you too man.”

“What? Wait? What?” Jared had stuttered as he stared at Jensen from the floor.

“I love you Jay, I can’t explain it, I didn’t think I was gay but I gotta be around you man, I gotta be with you and it has been killing me these last couple of months. I thought you knew cause we got that freaky psychic thing and I thought you were running away from me.”

“I was running away from you but only because I thought you would be able see what was going on and I didn’t want to lose our friendship man.” Jared said and for the first time in about ten years he was crying for real and not for show. “You’re my best friend and I didn’t, I couldn’t lose that, I was just trying to figure out how to stop feeling all this.”

“Shh Shh Jay it’s ok, it’s gonna be ok.” Jensen said as he slid off the couch onto the floor next to Jared and pulled him into his arms. Jared sat there crying into Jensen’s shoulder as he let go of all the stress and fear he had been feeling. Jensen sat there rocking him back and forth and running his hands through Jared’s hair while he kept whispering into his ear, “It’s ok baby, we’re going to be ok, shh, it’s all good.”

“What are we going to do?” Jared asked as he lifted his head off Jensen’s shoulder.

“I don’t know but we’ll figure it out together.” Jensen smiled as he wiped the tears from Jared’s face and brushed his hair off his forehead. Jared let out what could only be described as a purr as Jensen ran his hands though his hair and Jensen smiled before leaning forward and placing his pretty lips gently on Jared’s plump moist ones.  “There’s no pressure, no hurry, no expectations. It’s just you and me Jay, we get to figure out where this is going together.”

They hadn’t done anything else that night except shared a bed together. The tequila and the emotional turmoil had caught up with Jared to knock him on his ass so Jensen had helped into bed. Jared had asked him not to leave, told him ‘nah man he didn’t want that’ when Jensen implied he wasn’t up to sex and Jensen had climbed in beside him and pulled him into his body. Jared had nestled into the crook of Jensen’s neck and had clasped his hand in Jensen’s as he fell asleep. He hadn’t slept so well in years.

Jared just kept driving as his mind ran through the film clips of all their time together. From learning how to love each other to learning how to make love to each other. From that night on they had been pretty much inseparable and it had just felt so comfortable and right and their love had just made their friendship that much stronger and their lives that much better. Now Jared didn’t even feel the tears run down his numb face as he tried to speed away from the dark future he could see looming.

 

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one just spewed out of me, I have quickly re-read but if there's spelling or grammar issues I will fix later once I can read the angst again.

Jensen sat on the couch staring at the wall. All he could keep asking himself is “What the hell had just happened?” How did he go from being in a fucking awesome relationship with someone he loved more than life, to sending that someone home for exhaustion and worrying about him for a week to being picked up and given and awesome blow job and being treated with love and kindness, he thought, to being dumped on his ass in a five minute conversation in a car outside his house. “What the hell had just happened?”

“Jensen?”

“Hmmm?” he asked as he kept staring at the wall

“You’re freaking me out a little, what’s going on babe?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know ok Danneel I don’t know I just need to think.” He said as he stood up and started pacing the room

“Ok but babe you’ve just got back from being away for weeks and JJ is wanting to spend some time with you before you go away again.”

“Danneel I love you and JJ you know that but I just need, I don’t know, I just need to think, I need some peace and quiet, I just…I’m sorry babe.” Jensen said as he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek before leaving the room.

Jensen went up to their bedroom to change before going down to his gym. As he ran on the treadmill he tried to figure out what had just happened and what he could have done to prevent it.  Even now is mind was spinning and he still couldn’t think of anything he could have said to defend himself or fight for their relationship other than he loved him. Jared had blurted out a lot of things that were obviously painful and that he had been holding onto for years.

He had thought Jared knew why he was marrying Danneel. She had known about their relationship but had been a close, close friend and confidant for years. She had admitted she loved him and even though she knew what was going on between the two men, wanted to marry him, be in his life and have a child with him. To Jensen that had been a win, win. Still get to be with the man he loved but also present a ‘proper’ married life to the world and have a child to love and carry on his name.

He thought Jared had understood that and when Genevieve had worked on set with them and grown close to Jared he had encouraged Jared to get closer. She spent a lot of time on set with the two of them so surely she must have understood the complexity of their ‘friendship’. Jensen had watched the friendship between the two of them grow and not suspecting anything else had encouraged Jared to propose and marry her, thinking that Jared and Genevieve would have a relationship like he and Danneel had. It was only at Jared’s wedding, after a little too much scotch, that he had made an off the cuff remark about sleeping with Jared and had seen the confusion and denial in her eyes. He had shut up right then and there and gone to find Jared.

“Dude your wife does know about us doesn’t she?” Jensen asked as he pulled him into a corner

“She knows we’re best friends.”

“What? I thought you were marrying her because she understood our relationship.” Jensen gasped

“Jensen no one understands our relationship. Why the hell would I tell the woman I am marrying that I am sleeping with a man on the side?”

“Hey Jay, you and me man, we’re it; your wife is the one that is sleeping with you on the side.”

“Jensen that is not how you start a marriage. Surely you know that.”

“That is exactly how I am starting my marriage. Daneel knows where she stands in the grand scheme of things.”

“Jen we are getting married to two beautiful women, you can’t expect them to just sit in limbo while you and I continue on with our whatever you want to call it. I thought that was why you were encouraging me to marry Gen, to finally have an open, above board real relationship, not a hiding on corners, no one knows relationship.”

“Come with me.” Jensen said and grabbed Jared’s hand. Jared jerked his hand away and Jensen realised he shouldn’t have even reached for it when surrounded by Padaleckis’ on masse.

Jensen led him out into the snow. It was freezing and no one would be out here in their back tie gear. When they got into a darkish corner Jensen spun him around and stepped right into his space

“Jay it is you me, that is how I see it for the rest of my life man. You and me.”

“Then why they hell are we getting married?”

“It’s what people expect, it’s what our families expect, hell we’re from Texas, it’s what we do.”

“So what? I’m meant to go in there and explain to my wife that although I do love her a certain way you are the love of my life and she is just going to have to accept that? That’s harsh Jen, even for a cynical person like you.”

“I thought you already had, I thought she knew what she was getting into until I mentioned how magic your tongue was.”

“What? You didn’t?” Jared was shocked but also laughing.

“Well it’s the truth.” Jensen muttered and Jared pulled him forward to show him just how talented his tongue was. “Fuck Jay.” Jensen groaned and clung to him before finally realising that Jared was outside without a jacket on and was trembling with cold, “God why didn’t you tell me you were freezing?” he said as he slipped off his jacket

“Jen don’t be stupid, firstly if you do that then you’ll just be freezing and secondly you know that thing won’t fit me. Let’s go back inside. We’ll sort the rest out later.”

“But you will talk to Genevieve?”

“Yeah I’ll get around to it.” Had been Jared’s famous last words and five years later Jensen was still waiting for him to get around to it.

Danneel had laughed and tormented Jensen about how much he sulked while Jared was away on his honeymoon. They had just over two weeks until their own wedding and although Jensen had helped with everything that was required of him he still checked his phone every five minutes and got more and more pissed off when Jared never texted or called. By the time the two of them got back from their holiday Jensen was fuming and didn’t waste any time getting on a plane and going to Austin.

“Hi Genevieve sorry to interrupt since you’ve just got back but Jared is needed at a meeting and it can’t wait any longer it’s that urgent.” He all but growled when she opened the door to his knock

“What? In L.A?” she had asked and Jensen knew straight away that Jared had not talked to her.

Jared then walked into the room and all the tension, all the anger and frustration Jensen had been feeling seemed to dissolve away as Jared smiled at him.

“Hey man what’s up?”

“You’re needed for a meeting.” Jensen said slowly and clearly

“Oh man can’t it wait a few days, let us get settled?” Jared said as he walked up and put his arm around Genevieve.

Jensen saw red, not only had he not told his wife about their relationship it was pretty clear that they had also been very intimate during their honeymoon and Jensen saw red as jealousy consumed him.

“Well Jared if it’s ok with you I’m getting married in a few days, we have a very small window between you coming and me going for this meeting. This is it.” He said sarcastically and saw Jared tense as he picked up on Jensen vibrating with anger

“Jared it’s ok, it’ll only be one night right?” Genevieve said as she looked up at her husband with sparkling, trusting eyes.

“One night and I’ll be back babe I promise.” Jared said before leaning down and giving her a kiss which was very quick because he jumped back when he could hear Jensen’s teeth grinding together. “I’ll go pack a bag.”

Jensen and Genevieve stood there in silence in the entry way. He knew he should be breaking the tension he himself was creating, she had no idea what was really going on, but he was too wound up to make small talk so he just looked down at his phone

“So who told you about Jared’s tongue? Was it Sandy?” she asked with a smile and Jensen almost dropped his phone

“What?” he gasped

“You commented on Jared’s magic tongue at the reception, I’m guessing one of his girlfriends had spilled the beans.”

“And?”

“Oh it is magic alright.” She said with a blush and smile before walking off and Jensen put his phone back in his pocket after almost snapping it in half.

Jared climbed into the rented car and Jensen took off a squeal of tyres

 “What the fuck man?” Jared asked

“What the fuck? You’re’ asking me what the fuck?” Jensen yelled

“What?”

“You slept with her. You had sex with her.”

“She is my wife Jensen. That’s what you do on honeymoons.”

“Not when you’re in love with someone else.” He kept yelling

“Jensen I do love her. Not like I love you but I do love her.”

“You cheated on me.”

“How can it be cheating to sleep with my wife?”

“You are with me. At least I thought you were until you got married and I found you hadn’t told your wife about me and then you go on a honey moon and have sex. Is there something you want to tell me Jay? Is that it? Are we over?”

“Will you stop fucking yelling and where the fuck are we going? I’m guessing we’re not going to LA.”

“I don’t fucking know.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull over into that carpark.” Jared said and Jensen shot to the right and pulled in to an empty restaurant car park and turned the car off. “Right now talk to me.”

“You didn’t ring or text me once. Not once.”

“You missed me.” Jared smiled

“Of course I fucking missed you.” Jensen said and grabbed Jared’s neck to pull him in and their kiss was hot and hard.

“The Marriott.” Jared groaned between breath stealing kisses

“What?”

“Let’s go to the Marriott.”

“Fuck.” Was all Jensen said before restarting the car and taking off with a roar.

Jared got out of the car as Jensen pulled into the driveway and walked into the lobby bar while Jensen went and checked in. He then messaged him the room number and a few minutes later Jared started knocking on the door although he was pulled into the room before his fist even fully connected with the wood.

“Fuck Jay I missed you.” Jensen growled as his lips worked down Jared’s neck and his hands deftly undressed him

“Missed you to Jen, so much.”

“Fuck you smell like her, you smell like woman.”

“Let me have a shower then.”

“No, take your clothes off, I need to fuck you, I’m sorry Jay but I need to be in you right now; aint gonna be anything soft or pretty about this.” Jensen growled again and pushed Jared onto the bed.

“I’ve never asked for soft and pretty and I have never cared how you give it to me Jen as long as you do.” Jared said and rolled over onto his stomach, shoving his ass in the air

“Fuck I love you.” Jensen said as he pulled lube out of his pocket, he knew why he was here and was prepared, and massaged Jared’s hole.

“Jen come on babe, I’ve missed you too.” Jared groaned

“Really? You had time to miss me between fucking your wife and using that magic tongue of yours?” Jensen growled and pushed his fingers in a little harder than needed.

“Oh I did not fuck my wife like this, this is just you and me babe, I love you so much, come on show me how much you missed me.” Jared muttered as he pushed back on Jensen’s hand and Jensen lubed up his cock before lining up and plunging hard and deep into Jared.

Swear words were cried out by both of them as Jensen rode him hot and hard. He alternated between digging his fingers deep into Jared’s hips and grabbing his hair to pull and hold him tight and they pushed and shoved and wrestled as they fucked until they both came in a lather of sweat and kisses.

“Well that’s one bed ruined.” Jared muttered after they finally came back to earth after blacking out from orgasms that had been building for weeks.

“That’s why we get rooms with two beds babe.” Jensen said as he dropped kisses all over Jared’s face.

“Jensen I need you to know I do love you and yeah I guess I do see it as you and I next to each other in rocking chairs in the nursing home but you told me to get married and I did. I do love Gen, not like I love you, I have loved you forever, you are my soul mate but I do love Gen, probably the same way you love Danneel. You can’t get angry or jealous about that because I have to watch you with Danni and accept it so this is the same.”

“I get what you’re saying Jay I do but can we just pretend it’s just you and I tonight? I haven’t slept since your wedding, I am so tired and I missed you.”

“Yeah babe missed you too.”

“And will you hate me if I ask one other thing?”

“Anything Jen you know that?”

“Can you please take your wedding ring off for the night?”

Jensen came back to the present with a start as he tripped on the treadmill and almost fell. For a brief instant he wondered if Jared would come to the hospital if he hurt himself before snapping out of his self-pity and turning the machine off before he really did damage himself. Although as he stepped off and towelled himself down he couldn’t imagine anything would hurt as much as he already hurt now.

 

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

“Hi Danni, do you know what time Jared will be coming back?” Genevieve asked when she answered the phone

“He’s not here.” She sounded confused

“He didn’t come home last night so I assumed…”

“He didn’t come here. I haven’t seen him since he dropped Jensen off.”

“Is Jensen there?”

“Yeah he hasn’t gone anywhere or had any phone calls since he got back.”

“Where the hell is he then?”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“Only ten times. It kept ringing out to voice mail and now his phone’s either turned off or died. I’m worried about him, he’s been so distant since he got back. Do you think Jensen knows where he is?”

“Hey Jensen.” Danneel yelled

“What?” came back an angry growl that had her eyebrows lifting in surprise. He sounded more like Dean than her husband right at that second

“Do you know where Jared might be? He didn’t go home last night.”

“I’m not his keeper, why the hell would I know where he is?”

“I just thought…”

“Yeah well you thought wrong.” Jensen snapped and walked into the den slamming the door.

“Umm Gen I’m not sure what’s going on but Jensen says he doesn’t know where he is. Call me as soon as you hear from him or see him ok. I’ll try to figure out what’s going on from this end but whatever it is it isn’t good.” She hung up the phone

“Jensen? Jensen!” Danneel asked as she knocked on the den door.

“Come in.” he sighed resignedly

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked as she walked into his room. He and Jared were very similar in that aspect that their office was their office. Jensen’s was smaller than Jared’s and more sleek but it was still his room and Danneel still felt weird coming in here unless invited. Jensen was just sitting there on the couch not doing anything.

“Not really.” He huffed out

“But I think you need to. Something’s going on.” She said as she stood in the doorway

“Jared split up with me.” He said forlornly as he rubbed his hands over his face.

“Yeah right…as a prank right?” she laughed and then asked when Jensen’s facial expression didn’t change

“Nope. Split up with me sitting in his car right outside this house.”

“What? That doesn’t sound right. You guys have the best relationship of anyone I know, including us.” She said as she sat down on the other end of the couch in shock, “Are you sure? It wasn’t a misunderstanding?”

“I think I would know when my boyfriend has just dumped me don’t you?” Jensen snapped as he glared at her

“Of course, sorry, I just don’t know what else to say, I’m in shock.”

“How do you think I feel?” He snapped back

“Jensen stop snapping at me. This is not my fault. We just need to figure out why and see what we can do to fix it.”

“Danneel it is not up to you to help me fix my relationship and unfortunately it is partially your fault but because of me it’s your fault.”

“Did you get any sleep last night? I assumed you slept in the other bedroom but now you’re just talking wacky doo so I’m guessing not.”

“All of a sudden he’s blurting at me about how I picked you over him and made him get married and now he was he was going to stick to those vows and it was too hard having two separate lives so that was that, goodbye.”

“Ok I love Genevieve you know that but he picked her over you? You guys have been together forever. I mean I get that he doesn’t want to split up his marriage, they’ve got two kids, I get that that is a big thing but I can’t wrap my head around him choosing her over you. Maybe with his mind frame at the moment he took the easy way out. Splitting up with you is easier than a messy and public divorce and then your whole relationship would come out so now I think about it I can kind of see how he was thinking.”

“What?”

“Well think about it Jensen…”

“That is all I have been doing for the last twenty four hours. We were good, we were great actually. Last time I was with him he kept saying he loved me and he said it on the phone when we talked after he left. I thought we were great.”

“Jensen I need you to look at this from Jared’s side if you’re going to get him back. You knew right from their wedding that their marriage was different to ours.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

“I know, we’ve had this discussion a hundred times and I have never said this before but I think you were in the wrong.”

“What?” his voice high with shock again, geez the hits were coming thick and fast at the moment.

“You know how Jared is, he puts his heart and soul into everything and he put it into that marriage. You knew what he was like as a person and yet you let him get married not one hundred per cent spelling out the rules and conditions. You know that although he is book smart he’s not life smart and you needed to be the leader and you just assumed without actually talking about it. As someone who knows him more intimately than anyone else you should have known he would throw himself into that. He is as busy trying to keep Gen happy as he is trying to keep you happy.”

“But I thought he understood…”

“Yeah you assumed. You were in your own little happy bubble ignoring the world and not talking about anyone else except each other, which is how a normal relationship should be, but your relationship isn’t’ normal is it. You should have been talking about me, us, how you saw the future with him and me but you didn’t and then you told him to get married. What was he supposed to think? He was twenty six when he got married but his whole adult life has been this unnatural world you two live in up in Vancouver, he hadn’t had a real twenty year old’s life. He was cocooned up there and you were protecting him from the real world because of your relationship. He worshipped you so you told him to get married and he did. This is all on you and I’m sorry to say it now while you’re down but I think you have to look back before you can look forward.”

“You’re right. When you say it like that you’re right. I was protecting him. Making sure no one could get near him because he wore his heart on his sleeve even when it came to me. He had high school then that pretty little Gilmore show and then straight to this. Hell the most he lived was when he did that stupid Wax movie with Paris Hilton and he was smart enough to know that was not how real people lived and interacted. What the hell am I going to do? Everything you say makes sense. He is in a legal and committed marriage…”

“And loving, as much as you hate to admit it they do love each other”

“And loving marriage and I’m a dark little secret on the side that he can’t go public with any more than just co-stars and it’s all my fault. He was right when he threw that at me. I made the decision when this all started that we would keep it quiet and I think it’s safe to say this has come back to bite me on the ass.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“Danneel I have no idea. I don’t want to split up his family any more then I want to split up ours. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s time to grow up and face facts, it is what it is.” He shrugged and leaned back into the couch with his eyes closed, exhausted.

 “Hon go sleep on it. Maybe it’ll look better tomorrow when you’re not so tired.”

“Tomorrow I am on a plane to literally the other side of the world.”

“Maybe you need this time apart to decide how you want to do this.” Danneel said before giving a kiss on the forehead and leaving the room

 

Jared walked in the front door and threw his keys down on the hall stand, the sound alerted the house to his arrival and dogs and kids came running

“Hi guys.” He said with a smile as he scooped Shep up and patted the dogs before scooping up Thomas.

“Where have you been? Were you with Unca Jensen?” Thomas asked

“What? No. Just out. What did you guys get up to?” he asked and listened as he walked into the kitchen and the boys prattled. Genevieve was in there making lunch for the kids

“Making sandwiches, want one?” she asked as she came around the counter and gave him a kiss on the cheek

“No thanks.” He smiled and kissed her back

“Where have you been?”

“Just out. Just driving.”

“All night?”

“Yeah apparently.” he said sarcastically and Genevieve’s eyebrows raised, he never talked to her like that

“What have you eaten?”

“Not hungry.” He smiled as he put the kids in their chairs, although it didn’t go up to his eyes, “Gonna go up and have a lie down.”

“I changed the sheets on the bed.” She said innocently

“I’ll be in our room.” He didn’t acknowledge her comment before walking off.

Genevieve had a plan now Jared was back, she couldn’t set it in motion until she knew when he would return. She picked up her phone and made a call before packing the kids up and loading them into the car.

 

“Jared.” She whispered an hour later in their darkened bedroom

“Hmm?”

“You awake.” She whispered again

“Kinda.” He muttered sleepily as he rolled over to face her

“We need to talk.” She said as she opened the curtains, watching him squint as the sun hit him. His hair was sticking up all over the place like he had been tossing and turning, his eyes were red rimmed with huge dark shadows under them, his face was drawn and his between seasons beard was looking ratty.

“I need you to talk to me about Jensen.” She said seriously as she sat on the edge of the bed. She had hoped catching him half asleep would make him more vulnerable and truthful.

“What about Jensen?” Jared asked but all of a sudden he was wide awake and pushing himself up to rest against the headboard

“Specifically you and Jensen.”

“Jensen was my best friend.”

“Was?”

“Is.” He said but frowned because he knew ‘was’ was the more appropriate description now

“Jared I need you to tell me the truth. If our marriage is going to go all the way I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me.”

“Gen just tell me what you want me to tell you.” He sighed

“I want to know about your relationship with Jensen. Your real relationship.”

“There is no relationship.” And he was telling the truth

“Jared…”

“I am not lying to you Gen, there is no relationship.”

“Danneel…”

“Oh ok so Danneel has been talking to you. She was never meant to say anything. She promised.”

“Yes she did and she told me that but she also said that after being married for five years she thought we would have talked about it by now.”

“Gen there is no relationship. I’m not going to lie, there was one but I ended it. I ended it to be with you and the boys, to keep my vows and my commitment to this marriage.”

“When did this happen because that’s not the way Danneel was describing it.” She frowned

“Where are the boys?” Jared asked suddenly realising the house was very quiet and they weren’t being climbed on like jungle gyms.

“At your parents.”

“What? Why?”

“I wanted to have this time for just the two of us. To seriously talk without being interrupted and the kids hearing something they shouldn’t. I need you to really talk to me Jared. Tell me everything. I love you and I want to be with you but I need to know where I stand.”

“You’re it Gen. I married you and it’s you and me til the end.”

“But you did have a relationship with Jensen?”

“Yes.”

“And it was sexual?” she asked although she blushed

“Yes it was physical.”

“Are you gay?”

“Gen!” he snapped

“Well you just admitted to a sexual relationship with a man, I have to ask.”

“And I have a sexual relationship with you and we have two kids what does that tell you?” he snapped again.

“I don’t know, that you’re closeted?”

“Really? That’s what you think? Then why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be packing the kids up and away from their sexually perverted and demented father who could spread his disease of homosexuality onto them? God Gen I thought you were more progressive then that.” He all but yelled

“I am Jared, that came out wrong. I am just trying to understand everything. So you’re saying you’re not gay?” she asked to get things back on track

“That’s right.”

So how?...why?...” sigh, “Can you please explain it to me before I say something to upset you again. I have questions but all of them are going to sound wrong so please just explain.” She sighed

“First up, if you asked us back then, if you ask us now Jensen and I will tell you we are not gay. Hell you and I have a pretty good sex life right?”

“Yeah we do.” She smiled and blushed

“It’s not about sex. It’s about our, for use of a better word, souls. My heart and my soul recognised Jensen as my other half. It wasn’t a kapow thing when we first met. It was a gradual escalation from friendship to needing to be together to feel peace. We just needed to be near each other. It didn’t matter to me that he was a he it just mattered to me that I was happier when he was near. ”

“And that led to sex?”

“You gotta get over the sex thing Gen. Sex is just sex. One night stands have sex, total strangers have sex. Prostitutes do if for money. It’s just sex.”

“But you did have sex.”

“You don’t want to talk about this Gen. You just need to know that it’s over, there is no relationship; it’s you and me. I chose you.”

“Why don’t I want to talk about the sex? I’m not naïve Jared. I’ve seen gay porn, I know how it works.”

“Jesus Genevieve” he yelled as he climbed out of bed and started pacing, “You don’t want to talk about it because it wasn’t sex ok. It was making love. It was pure love. We needed that connection, we needed to be together, needed it like we needed food or water. If we didn’t have it, if we weren’t near each other, with each other, we were miserable, we were missing half of ourselves and what we did together was nothing like gay porn, nothing. We love each other and we make love to each other. Never is it just sex so no you do not want to talk about it.” He yelled and paced

“You love him.”

“What?”

“You just said you love him, not that you loved him.”

“I meant loved, it’s over.”

“If you loved him how do I even fit into this? You’re telling me I’m not your soul mate.”

“Gen listen to me” he said as he came over and captured her face between his hands, “I love you if I didn’t I couldn’t say it. I don’t lie. I love you, I love making love to you, I love our boys and our life. I love you and I chose you.”

“But I’m not your soul mate.”

“You’re one of them.” His face asked her to understand

“You can’t have more than one soul mate.”

“Yeah I think you can. People that you meet that are meant to be in your lives, they’re soul mates and you are that for me. You make me happy, you make me content. I love you. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t or if I was gay. I wouldn’t do that to you because I care too much about you. Please believe me.”

“But Jensen…”

“Jensen and I are over but I’m not gonna lie it’s gonna hurt a lot until I get used to it.”

“Even though you did the breaking up.”

“Yeah it was the right thing to do, the adult thing to do.”

“Not because you’re not in love with him anymore?”

“I think once you love someone you love them for life. Just the intensity changes. He will always have a place in my heart.”

“When did you get so philosophical?” she smiled

“I also gotta tell you Gen that this could lead to big changes. This split will mean that things are going to be awkward between us. I don’t think our families can be in each other’s pockets anymore like we were. You and Danni, the boys and JJ, I don’t know what’s going to happen there.”

“We’ll figure it out Jared. Hell three quarters of the year you and Jensen are in a different country. Danneel and I will figure something out.”

“And that’s the other thing. We have to see how we go working together post break up. Our relationship kind of bled onto screen, brought the brothers closer together, created that intensity. We may not be able to show that now.  This season could be the end of it for us if we can’t be professional. There are hard times coming and if you believe what I’m telling you, that I truly do love you; I am going to need you to help me and be patient with me as I get through this.”

 “Hang on, Jared how long were you two together?” she was frowning like she had just realised something

“What did Danneel tell you?” he now frowned in confusion

“Just that you had had a relationship.”

“Gen we were together for seven years.”

“Seven…what…when I was there?” Her eyes were popping out of her head at the ramifications

“Yeah Jensen always said he was surprised you didn’t pick up on it since the three of us spent so much time so close together.”

“Seven years. The show has been going for ten. Hang on I need to work this out. When did you split up?”

 “Recently.”

“You have been in a relationship with him while we were married?” she screeched

“Um yeah I thought you knew, I thought that was what we were talking about, that Danneel told you.”

“And Danneel knew about this?”

“Danneel has known about this since before they got married. She knew what she was getting into.”

“And so you were all just laughing behind my back? Innocent, naïve Genevieve has no idea what she’s walking into?” she started crying

“No, no it was never like that Gen. In fact the only times Jensen and I argued was about you. He said I should have told you before we got married, set out rules and stipulations and I didn’t want that for us. I was one hundred percent committed to marrying you and this marriage. How Danneel and Jensen conduct their marriage is nothing to do with us.” He whispered as he kissed away her tears

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“Think that I love you because I do. Think that we have a great life together and two beautiful kids because we do. I love you Gen never doubt that.”

“It would mean a lot more if I was the only person you were saying that to.”

“There is no one else I am saying it to, not anymore.” He said as he slowly unbuttoned her shirt

“I don’t know if I can do this right now Jared, knowing that someone else has touched you, loved you.”

“Gen neither of us came into this marriage virgins. We both had pasts, mine’s just a little more recent.”

“Wait should you get tested or something.”

“There’s that ignorance coming out again Gen. I have only ever had one male partner, Jensen. HIV is not something that you get just because you’re sleeping with the same sex but Jensen and I were tested before we had sex to make sure neither of us was giving something to each other from our past relationships. We also, as you know if you were thinking straight, get regularly tested on the show, since there are accidents and blood is sometimes shed.”

“I’m sorry Jared, I am usually an open minded person, it’s just that this is so close to home.”

“I get it. I’m going to have a shower.” He said and walked off

Genevieve sat on the bed and she knew that right now she had to make a decision. She had to decide if she was going to let his past affect their future or if she could believe that he loved her and wanted to have a life with her. She did not want to split up this family and she really did love him. She knew that he would take care of her and give his life for his two kids. She was happy. Well she had been happy an hour ago before this conversation, and she believed she could be happy again.

Genevieve rose off the bed and stripped off her clothes before going to join her husband in the shower.

“Jared?” she asked as she opened the shower door

“Yeah babe?” he said as he pulled her in

“Promise me one thing?”

“Of course?” he said as he dropped kisses all over her face

“Promise that you will talk to me and let me know if anything changes?” she said as she caught his face and looked deeply into his eyes

“Of course Gen, I promise, no more secrets.” He leant down and put his lips on hers.

 

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little interlude while I decide which way this is going to go...

“Hi Genevieve, how’s everything going?” Danneel asked over the phone

“Great. Never better.”

“You sound happy.”

“Yeah Jared and I had a talk”

“And he told you about Jensen?” she sound dubious

“Yeah he told me everything.”

“You sound ok for someone who has just found all this out.”

“Well it’s over isn’t it so there’s nothing to worry about. As Jared said, the past is the past.”

“So how’s he doing?”

“Good I think, I haven’t seen much of him.”

“Where is he?”

“Oh he’s here but he spends most of his time hanging out in his den or hitting the gym. I guess he’s just getting over everything”

“You mean the break up?” Danneel couldn’t help feeling something was off about this whole conversation.

“The break up?”

“You said you knew they split.”

“Yeah years ago. Maybe you don’t know the full story Danni.”

“Wait I’m confused. What did Jared actually say?”

“He said a lot, you were right once he started he was off and running but he said they had been together for seven years, show’s been going almost eleven so it ended years ago right?”

“Ah ok.” Danneel said and she was honestly not sure if Jared had lied or if Genevieve was just wanting to ignore the truth, continuing to keep the blinkers on. In all honesty she thought it was the latter, she had been friends with Jared long enough to know he very rarely lied and she couldn’t see him revealing half the truth in a discussion like that.

“How’s Jensen doing?”

“He left this morning for Australia. He’s miserable.”

“Yeah it sucks to be away from your kids. He must have felt like he was just starting to relax before he had to take off again. I’m not going to lie I’m glad Jared didn’t go. Give him time to just relax. I’m sorry Jensen’s gone though.”

“Yeah thanks.”

“Hey do you want to bring JJ over. Kids can play in the pool and we can have a wine?”

“Yeah that’d be great. Is Jared there now?”

“Den door’s closed so yeah.”

“Oh well won’t hurt him to have a little racket in his life.” Danneel said and hung up the phone.

 

“Yeah.” Jared yelled at the knocking on the den door

“Hi.” Danneel said as she opened it and stood in the gap

“Hey, hi.” Jared said from where he was slumped down in the couch, legs on the table and remote in his hand. Jared’s hair was dirty and matted, he had on old, raggedy jeans and a hoody even though it was summer outside. He didn’t look any healthier than when he got off the plane weeks ago. He may have thought he was doing the mature and right thing splitting up with Jensen but the stress of all this was not helping him in his current health situation.

He had paused what he was watching and Danneel looked at the screen; he was watching the Las Vegas convention. The one time in their entire lives they had come too close to admitting their real relationship, talking about the room at the airport hotel. The story the fans heard was not quite true, the guys had managed to turn a tricky situation into a joke and Jeffrey-Dean had rushed out to divert attention from the blushing and the stuttering lovers although thinking he was just rescuing friends that had backed themselves into an embarrassing corner.

“Have you come to kick my ass?” he muttered, “Because I wouldn’t blame you.”

“I don’t need to fight my husband’s battles, he can do that himself.” She shrugged

“Really?” he frowned

“No not really. I am so pissed off Jared I want to come over there and punch you and hit you and kick you until I can’t see my husband’s crying face anymore but I’d end up hurting myself more then you, you big oaf.”

“I’m so sorry Danni, it was the right thing to do.”

“Do you honestly believe that because Jensen looked about as good as you do right now before I pushed him into the shower before Cliff picked him up?”

“No break up is ever a good break up.” He shrugged as he looked at the ground

“Usually someone in a break up is happy. Usually someone is doing tequila shots out of someone else’s navel after a break up. Very rarely does a break up lead to two absolutely miserable people who surrender all hygiene skills and wallow in darkness.”

“So he’s gone?”

“In the air as we speak. Happy now?” she snapped

“No.” it was so quiet she almost missed it but she did not miss seeing the tear run down his cheek.

“Oh geez Jared I’m sorry for yelling.”

“No you have every right to, you’re looking out for him.” He said as he continued looking at the floor, idling playing with the remote control. The television started again and Jared’s voice could be heard saying ‘ _the more miserable Dean is the more I’m like he he he he_ ’. Jared gasped as he quickly turned off the tv and sat in silence

“Do you still love him?” she whispered

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re a guy tired and hurting and thought you were doing the right thing but pushed away the only person who can make you feel happy and whole again.”

“It was too hard.”

“It was too hard to be with the love of your life all the time? It was too hard to get do the job you love with your best friend and then get to travel the world together? It was too hard to be each other’s soul mate as you have both told me in the past?”

“It was too hard to not be able to just do stuff with him and touch him and kiss him and be with him no matter where we were or who was around. Do you know what’s it like to have to watch every single thing you do and every single thing you say? Don’t look at him too long, don’t brush up against him, and don’t hold his hand. The world is ok about us talking about being best friends and almost brothers but the second, the absolute second, we mention a different type of love, that would be it for all of us Danneel. All of us. Our families would be devastated, our friends wouldn’t be our friends any more. There is an entire cast and crew relying on us for their livelihoods and there’s you and Gen and our kids. We out ourselves and there goes work. No more Conan or Captain America; maybe we can do movies as the gay best friend extra who gets billing about ten people down. It’s just too fucking hard.” He yelled with tears pouring down his face

“Hey Jared come on, it’s ok.” She said as she rushed forward to sit beside him and take one of his hands. Yeah she was pissed off because of the pain her husband was in and Jared was right Jensen was her number one priority but she should have known, actually did in her heart know, that Jared would be hurting even more then Jensen. He put his full heart and soul into everything so of course he was disintegrating in front of her eyes. He felt everything tenfold, love and pain.

“Sorry.” He whispered.

“You haven’t really talked to Genevieve about this have you? She said you had but if that was the case you would be able to talk to her instead of sitting in here bottling it all up.” Danneel said as she got up and went and poured them both a whiskey from his bar.

“I did talk to her and I did tell her the truth but she heard what she wanted to hear in the whole conversation. No matter what we’ve discussed I know we will never have a relationship like you and Jen. I envy him that you know. Being able to talk to you openly about everything...but…” he said when she went to talk over him, to probably tell him he could have had that, “…I knew what I was doing when I married Genevieve. So this is where we are now.” He took the drink from her and they knocked their glasses together before swigging the spirit down.

“I’ve got to go, I’ve left your wife out there with the three kids and she’s probably wondering what’s going on in here, but anytime you need to talk Jared call me. Despite everything right now I do consider you a friend and I am here for you.”

“Thanks Dani” he whispered

Danneel went back out to the pool where, although Genevieve looked at her curiously, she didn’t say anything.

Jared left the den for the first time in days and went upstairs to have a shower and climb into a proper bed. It was only as he was dozing off that he realised he had climbed into his and Jensen’s bed.

 

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

“What’s up squirrel?”

“Stop with the fucking squirrel thing will you!” Jensen growled as he nursed his whiskey against his closed eyes

“Geez, what the fuck happened to you? Still sulking because Moose isn’t here?” he asked casually as he motioned to the bar tender for the same as Jensen was drinking. All of a sudden his arm was slammed on the bar and held down tight

“That is the last time you mention him, his name or any other fucking name you call him by get it?” he growled and Jensen sounding like Dean off screen was so unusual it was enough for Mark to take a closer look to the man beside him.

“Jensen Jesus man calm down; what the fuck?”

“The fuck is Jared dumped my ass this week ok. It’s bad enough I have to go out there and deal with all this Jared love in public, I don’t have to have it shoved down my throat in private.”

“Dumped you? You sure?” he frowned

“Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me that?” Jensen yelled as he threw back his drink and motioned for another one

“Ok ok, calm down, I got ya man, anything you need I’m here for you. If you need to talk I got ya, it must be hard not having anyone to talk to about this.”

“No man, Danni’s been good I just gotta get through this.”

“So Danneel knows, how does that even work, I mean all of that…well you know.”

“Well obviously it fucking doesn’t since he split up with me.”

“Maybe it’s this exhaustion thing. Once he’s had time to relax and think and have some time off he’ll come back.”

“Who says I’ll take his dumb ass back anyway.” Jensen muttered

“Ah looking at you right now mate I’d say you’d take him back in a second. I thought it was just a thing but this is serious for you to look like week old dog shit.”

“Fuck you Sheppard.”

“Sorry mate not the way I swing.” Mark said with a slap on the back and a wink before reaching for his glass and taking a swig.

“Fuck I’m drinking more than Dean at the moment.” Jensen said as he too raised his glass

“Well since most of what Dean drinks is tea to look like whiskey, yeah you are. How’s this going to work for you on set?”

“Fuck knows. I haven’t even thought that far ahead yet. I’m more trying to figure out how to get my ass out of bed every morning at the moment. Jared said we’ll give it a go and if that doesn’t work talk to the studio.”

“Fuck man this is big. This is change your fucking life and everyone’s around big.”

“Don’t think I don’t know it, don’t think we didn’t know it. We debated, fought and tortured ourselves over this for months before we finally got together. We knew what we were risking but we had to, we couldn’t not be together; we needed each other.”

“When was that?”

“Four.”

“Fuck that long.” Mark was shocked

“The show wasn’t meant to go this fucking long Mark. I mean we love doing it but we thought five was it. We thought a year of hiding and then we’d be good to live our lives. Fuck we’re coming up to season eleven.”

“Jensen I’m sorry man I didn’t realise it was this serious or had been going this long. I thought maybe it was a drunken thing up in the back woods.”

“He is my other half.” Jensen said and rubbed at his chest where a big hole was perpetually sitting at the moment.

“So what’re you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you obviously still have…um…feelings for him” Mark kind of grimaced realising he found it hard to say the word ‘love’ even though he had no problems knowing these two were an item, “And you know he’s going through shit at the moment and not thinking straight. You’re the big brother, it’s up to you to figure out how to fix it.”

“It’s hard for me to fix when he won’t come anywhere near me.”

“Jesus Jensen how about you grow some of Dean’s balls. Do you think Dean would say ok you don’t want to come out? Ok I’ll come back and gank you when you feel more like it?”

“You’re referencing Dean at me?” Jensen’s eyebrows rose up

“I thought you could relate?” he shrugged, “Look we’ll get through this weekend and get you back on the soonest plane then if Jared is what you want you get in there and fight for him. Make him listen, make him understand, make him realise you’re it. Of course I can’t quite wrap my head around how that works with the whole married and kids’ thing you two have going on but hey if it works for you get in there and fight for it.”

 

Jensen made it through the weekend but just barely, Saturday was a shit fight with no organisation and Sunday he was just anxious for it to be over so he could get on a plane. Usually they hang around for a day or two before the fly out, to decompress, but he had a flight out two hours after this thing was meant to finish and he had already talked to the organisers and told them not to fuck around because he needed to be gone. Saturday he had been on stage an entire twenty minutes and the rest of the time was spent posing for photos and doing autographs, it was an absolute waste of his time, the fans who paid god money were pissed off and Jensen had no problem expressing his opinion to the organisers so Sunday went a little better.

“Good luck mate.” Mark said with a pat on the back as Jensen went to climb into the rental car

“Thanks Mark and I’m sorry about my attitude man, you didn’t deserve to wear it.”

“Hey no problem squirrel, didn’t throw anything at me I couldn’t handle.” He smiled and pulled Jensen in for a rare hug, Mark was not a toucher.

“See you on set.” Jensen said as he climbed into the car.

“I’m dead.” Mark yelled as the car went to move away

“You’re not fucking dead idiot, I bet ya.” Jensen said with a real smile on his face for the first time in days.

 

When he got off the plane he felt like he had more bounce in his step and an idea in his head. He hadn’t done it for years but he was a southern man and southern men knew how to woo.

 

“Hey babe you’re home early.” Danneel said as she came out to the car to say hi to Cliff and give her husband a welcome kiss.

“Yeah caught an earlier flight. Where’s JJ?”

“Inside”

“By herself?” Jensen frowned, there were no cars here, so no visitors and he knew Danni wasn’t irresponsible

“No Jensen come on,” she frowned at his innuendo, “Jared’s in there.”

“What?” he gasped

“Yeah he’s been popping in each day to make sure we’re good. We weren’t expecting you back for a couple of days”

“We?”

“JJ and me babe. Still no change on the Jared front. I have been talking to him but when he makes up his mind…”

“Yeah he’s the man of steel. Thanks hon.” Jensen leant forward and gave her another kiss “Um so does he know I’m here?”

“Nope.”

“Hey Danni…” Jared said as he came out the door with JJ in his arms. He had peanut butter in his hair, JJ had peanut butter all over her hands and Jensen drank in his boyfriend’s face. He looked calmer. Still tired, eyes still red rimmed, but he looked like he was getting there. Just being in the same neighbourhood as him and being able to look at him made Jensen feel a hundred times lighter.

“Look who surprised us JJ?” Danneel called with a smile on her face and Jared quickly put the wiggling toddler on the ground before he dropped her.

“Enjoying some peanut butter there Jay?” Jensen teased with a smile

“Ah yeah I guess.” He muttered looking at the ground blushing before looking to Cliff and waving. “I’ll just go clean up.” He went back inside

Jensen scooped up his daughter and gave her Eskimo kisses while breathing in the scent of her, mixed with peanuts. He then waved Cliff goodbye, grabbed his bag and headed in. As he got to the entrance way Jared was coming out of the guest bathroom

“Ah well now you’re back I’ll get out of your way. Just checking to make sure the girls were alright.” Jared said awkwardly as he headed to the door

“You don’t have to go Jay, stay awhile, have a beer.”

“Ah yeah I do have to go and you need to sleep, you look zonked. Glad you’re home though.” He smiled and headed out the door

“Wait, I didn’t see your car, how did you get here?”

“Walked.”

“I’ll give you…”

“It’s just down the road Jen…sen, I’m good thanks.” He smiled awkwardly and headed out the door closing it quietly behind him.

“Babe what are you trying to do?” Danneel asked as she took JJ from him before she got peanut butter in his hair.

“Win him back.”

“Oh, so that’s the plan.”

“Papa’s goin a wooin.” Jensen said with a smile as he leaned forward and gave JJ another kiss, “Well not right now, right now papa is having a shower and climbing into bed.” Jensen said as he kissed Danneel and headed up the stairs. Seeing Jared today, even if for a brief and awkward moment, calmed him and blocked that hole in his chest a little.

 

Jared cursed himself the whole way back to his house. He was acting like he was twenty-five again, getting embarrassed and awkward, blushing, running away.

Obviously Jensen was trying to be friends with him, something they needed to be if they were going to be working closely together, but all Jared could see was those gorgeous green eyes, and those freckles that he had never been able to count no matter how many times he tried, and his gorgeous physique and that butt. Oh that butt; that butt that should have his name tattooed on it so everyone knew it belonged to him, but it didn’t. It wasn’t his to drool over anymore.

For the first time in weeks he felt his body stir. He hadn’t had sex since the afternoon with Genevieve in the shower. She had tried to initiate it but he couldn’t get a hard on and had no desire to even touch her. He had taken to sleeping in the other room, telling her it was so he didn’t wake her since he was so restless at the moment. He was worried that he needed Jensen near to even be able to feel anything. At the moment he felt as dead as Sam in season six. Nothing, numb.

 

A week had gone by and Jared was officially going insane. He swore he was seeing more of Jensen now than when they were actually together. He came by nearly every day, first to drop off some gifts from fans, then to drop Danneel and JJ off and then again to pick them up, bringing some whiskey that was a gift from someone or other; coincidentally Jared’s favourite label; each time in no hurry to leave.

 Usually it was Jared who ended up fleeing, hiding in a different part of the house until he heard the car leave. He did try, he greeted them, stayed in the room with them for polite chit chat, offered food and beverages hoping like hell he would say no but he always said yes, and made himself comfortable in his second home as he called it. Jared would hold out as long as he could before muttering an excuse and leaving the room. He always said he had something to do and would be back but like the total coward he was he never went back. He broke out in sweat, his hands shook, his body trembled and his cock rose every time Jensen was in the room, it’s like his body was telling him he was meant to be going to him, his body needed him and his head was saying ‘no, no, no’ the exertion of the internal fight was exhausting him.

 

Jared was staring at his wardrobe before the Gilmore Girls reunion. It was air conditioned but outside it was stinking hot and he was trying to decide what to wear to combat the heat and lessen the river of sweat that would run off him two minutes after he stepped out the door. He could sweat between the house and the car on days like this. He was standing there in boxer briefs and a singlet staring at his racks of clothes.

“Hey Genevieve sent me up to see how you were going?” Jensen said casually from the bedroom door after he had stood there for a minute absorbing the beauty of the half-naked man in front of him.

“Fuck Jensen what are you doing here?” he growled in fright as he looked at him through the reflection of the mirror

“Oh shit sorry babe, didn’t mean to scare you.” Jensen said as he came rushing in to grab Jared’s hand. Jensen could feel the electric current flowing between them and his cock automatically twitched like it did whenever he got in Jared’s force field.

“I just wasn’t expecting you.”

“Didn’t they tell you we’re your babysitters?” Jensen asked casually although he knew they hadn’t because it was a last minute thing. Danneel had volunteered on their behalf. He would take the having to look after the two boys for this time spent with Jared before and after the event. He noted Jared hadn’t pulled his hand away although he was looking at the ground blushing

“No they didn’t”

“Sorry for scaring you.” Jensen whispered and before Jared could react stepped forward and brushed his lips against his. Jensen felt Jared’s body jerk before he took a step forward and ran his own lips across Jensen’s. Jensen opened up immediately and Jared let his tongue dip in and lick the taste of Jensen back into his own mouth. Jensen let out a groan and Jared jumped back

“Damn it I forgot.” Jared said as he stepped away from Jensen, ran his hand through his hair and looked back at the wardrobe.

“What? Forgot that you’re not meant to love me?” Jensen asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

“Jensen…”

“You smell like her again you know.”

“You are in our bedroom and she is my wife.”

“Why do you smell like her Jay? Have you been taking your sexual frustration from not being able to fuck me out on her?” he growled as jealousy pooled hot and bitter

“What? No Jen it’s not like that…I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t even get it up.” Jared muttered and his eyes pooled

“What? Jay what’s going on?” Jensen completely forgot his minute ago anger and went to Jared to cup his face and look into his eyes.

“I can’t do it. I can’t do her. I feel nothing. I’m dead inside.” One tear ran down his cheek

“You’re not dead inside. You’re just getting over this exhaustion thing it’ll be ok babe.” Jensen said before leaning forward, kissing the tear away and running his hands through Jared’s hair.

“No I don’t think it will Jen. I don’t think anything will be ok ever again.” Jared whispered before stepping away and going to the wardrobe again

“Come on hon.” Genevieve called as she came down the hall. She came into the room and looked at Jensen with slitted eyes before turning to Jared; “Aren’t you dressed yet?”

“I can’t decide what shirt to wear.”

“You’re going to need…”

“I got this Jensen why don’t you head downstairs to Danneel.” She fake smiled as she walked into the wardrobe

“I was just going to say he needs more than one shirt and I’d lose the singlet.”

“Really? I don’t think so, it’s air conditioned.”

“Oh sorry I didn’t realise it was an indoor red carpet.” He said sarcastically and turned away

Five minutes later Genevieve came down with a garment bag over her arm.

“What’s in the bag Gen?” Danneel asked as she got up to tuck in a strap that was showing.

“Another dress for me and a couple of shirts for Jared.” She said with a tight smile while avoiding Jensen’s eyes

Jared came down a few minutes later in linen slacks and jacket and a silk shirt. Jensen’s breath caught in his throat, he looked gorgeous, haunted but gorgeous.

“Do you have a towel?” he asked quietly as he stepped up to straighten Jared’s lapels

“Yeah.” He muttered

“Water?”

“Yes.”

“Snacks?” and that question got a smile from Jared and hazel met emerald for the first time in weeks

“I’ve got it covered Jensen.” Genevieve snapped

“I’m just looking out for him, I’ve been to a lot more of these things with him.”

“How about you back off and let me take care of him.”

“Gen!” Jared snapped and Danneel gasped at the same time.

“I’m sorry that was rude. I didn’t mean it like that. Well yeah I did but I didn’t. Jared said it was over, I believe him I do, I don’t know why I’m getting territorial. I’m sorry everyone, all I can say is maybe just give me a little time to get used to all this. You all have known for ages but it’s still new to me. You were in a relationship but you are no longer are but you have to stay friends because you still work together and I get it and I do love you guys I just need to get used to all this” Genevieve said as she looked at everyone.

“Come on hon let’s go.” Jared said grabbing the garment bag and ushering his wife out the door before she stuck her foot in it again.

Guilt washed over him, ten minutes ago when Jensen’s lips had been on his, it hadn’t felt like it was over and he cursed his own weakness.

 

“Happy with yourself?” Danneel asked Jensen

“Not really, it’s hard to have a pissing competition with a woman.”

“Especially when that woman is his wife.”

“In my defence I was just looking out for him it’s not my fault she turned feral.”

“Jensen you were in his space, if someone, other than Jared, got in your space what do you think I would do?”

“Go all kung foo on their ass.” Jensen said doing movie style karate hand movements

“Idiot.” She laughed and gave him a kiss before heading off to the television room where the kids were

 

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Jared flopped into the back of the car and closed his eyes. The reunion had been great, there were a lot of people he hadn’t seen for years but it was his first public appearance in weeks and although he liked to think he was recuperating he was now exhausted. He just wanted to get home, strip out of these clothes and have a cold shower and a big drink.

Genevieve was back to her perky self, she nagged him to take a selfie in the car with her on the way there and then acted like the perfect wife in front of everyone. She did, however, get territorial when Alexis came to say hi causing a few awkward moments and Alexis to stay away from him for the rest of the night. It was only when Jared was changing after the red carpet and checked his Twitter that he saw what she had posted on his behalf. The photo was a bit de ja vu of him and Jensen and he knew she had done that on purpose, nothing was coincidence with his wife. He also noted the shirt he pulled out of the bag was different to the one he had been wearing.

Jensen had been right, of course, the red carpet had been a killer and his shirt was completely drenched by the time he got through it. He wasn’t the only one sweating, all the guys were suffering, not having the joy of wearing skimpy dresses, but the sweat was running off him in rivers and the towel had become useless very quickly.

“Gen this shirt is different”

“So?”

“So people are going to know I changed. Didn’t you buy two of the yellow?”

“No I bought one gold and one blue. Who the hell buys two of the same shirt?”

“Someone who always changes after the red carpet.”

“Jared they saw you sweating out there, they know you’re going to change. Stop being a diva.”

“A diva? Really? I’m the last person you should be calling high maintenance, we generally have one rule at these events and this is it. Same shirt whole way through. Not that hard babe. We talked about it.”

“Yeah and why do we talk about it?”

“Genevieve.” He warned and she turned and walked away.

It came up every time they went to one of these events. The People’s Choice. Jensen had got their suits and they had been delivered to their houses while the boys were still up in Vancouver. Genevieve had matched her dress to Jared. Unfortunately Jared was kind of matched to Jensen so they looked like the Three Musketeers and Danneel for the night. Even then she never twigged about his and Jensen’s relationship and Jared to this day wondered if Jensen had done that on purpose.

He thought back to red carpets over the years, as they got older and Jared’s sweating became more profuse Jensen had always been there looking out for him. Micro-fibre towel in his pocket that he would regularly hand to Jared or pull him behind the scenes and wipe him down himself. A second towel was always with one of their PA’s and was swapped out half way through the carpet. Jensen always made sure he had water on hand and again there was always a second bottle and a bag of gummi worms stashed with the PA. Jared knew Jensen organised all that. Jared’s duty for whatever event was to dress in the coolest clothes possible. Jensen’s was to dress and make sure all Jared’s stuff was stashed in the car and then with the PA. Jared at first had just thought the PA was very astute to his needs, that what they were paid for, and he only found out when he had to do a carpet by himself, that none of the stuff was supplied and when asked why was told Jensen usually did it. Jensen’s reply when he argued with him and told him he was a grown man who could look after himself?

“But I love you Jay and I don’t want anything to happen to you or for you get sick. Let me do it. It’s a small thing and it makes me feel better.”

 

As they pulled up to his house Jensen came out and opened the back door of the car. Genevieve climbed out and headed into the house without a thank you and Jared opened his eyes and sighed before sliding across the seat. As he got close to the door a hand reached in to help him and Jared clasped it and let Jensen’s strength pull him the rest of the way out.

“Jay you look like crap.” He muttered

“I am so fucking exhausted. I could sleep for a week after that.”

“Let’s get you a drink.” He said quietly after they had their photo taken with the driver who was a fan of the show, something Jensen was happy to do because it got him in close vicinity to Jared again.

Jensen took them into Jared’s den away from the girls and poured him a whiskey. While he did that Jared stripped out of his clothes and pulled on a pair of shorts and a shirt Jensen had courteously put on the lounge.

“You been perving in my wardrobe man?” Jared said with a smile

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, hell I was with you when you bought half of it.” Jensen said as he walked back over

“Yeah I know, sorry, piss poor excuse for a joke.” Jared curled out a ghost of a smile as he took the drink and clinked his glass against Jensen’s before downing the spirit

“Jesus Jay be careful.”

“Fuck being careful.” Jared said and went and poured himself another one

“What’s going on?” Jensen asked as he looked at him from under his eyelashes, worried but not wanting to show it.

“Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about. It’s all good.” Jared said as he took his glass and flopped down onto the couch

“Jay, Jared, before everything that happened we were friends, we worked together and we were good together. We have to get back to that to continue working together right?”

“Yeah.”

“So talk to me like I’m your best friend. What’s wrong?”

“Jensen I can’t, I can’t talk about this. It’s all good though, thanks for asking.” Jared threw back his second drink and then closed his eyes and dropped his head back on the couch.

For the first time in he didn’t know how long he could feel himself actually relaxing and he knew why. The other half of him was in the room with him. They didn’t have to be touching although that would be nice, actually fucking awesome, but they just had to be in the same room and Jared was relaxing. He could feel the tension that had been keeping his body tight for weeks start to unravel and it took everything in him not to reach out and grab Jensen’s hand. Even as he had that thought Jensen slid across the couch and started running his fingers through Jared’s hair. Jared let out a little purr and his head lolled towards Jensen

They sat like that for a few minutes in silence, Jensen petting, Jared breathing and just when Jared was about to fall completely asleep he heard a knock on the door. He kept his eyes closed but frowned at the interruption.

“Shh” Jensen whispered before getting up and going over to the door, “Give me a minute” he whispered to Danneel and shut the door on Genevieve’s face.

“Jared come on babe lie down.” Jensen whispered as he pushed Jared down onto the couch. He knew this couch was big enough for Jared to sleep in, he had listened with fondness to Jared bitch about how hard it was for him to find a couch he could live in at the time he was looking plus they had both proven on numerous occasions that this couch was big enough for both of them.

“Hmmm.” Jared frowned and pouted as Jensen pushed him down

“Come on babe.” Jensen said again and got him lying down with a blanket over him before crouching down to run his fingers through his hair again

“Jen.” Jared sighed and Jensen ran his hand over the plane of his boyfriend’s face feeling the sharper contours as well as the scruffy beard. Jared grabbed his hand and kissed the palm of it before holding on and sighing

“Love you.” Jensen whispered as he pulled his hand out from Jared’s, dropped a kiss on his forehead and headed to the door. His hand was on the knob and he was turning it as the faintest whisper of sound caught his heart

“Love you too.”

 

Jared woke up the next morning feeling better than he had in days. That however was quickly ruined when he went into the kitchen and caught the look on his wife’s face.

“Hi guys.” He gave his boys kisses before standing up and raising his eyebrows at Genevieve

“You slept in the den last night.”

“And?”

“And Jensen was in there.”

“Jensen was in there for ten minutes before he left with his wife.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You what?” his voice went an octave higher with disbelief

“I don’t like it.”

“Genevieve we are trying to get back to that place where we are just friends. We need to before we start filming again. We had a drink, we chatted about nothing. What do you think happened in there in ten minutes?”

“I don’t know, he went all Broke Back on your ass?”

“Genevieve I swear to God you’re pushing the wrong buttons right now.” He growled

“Jared every time I look at him & look at you two together all I can picture…”

“Is what? G.a.y  p.o.r.n?” he spelt it out so the boys didn’t repeat it

“Yeah.” She said as she lifter her chin defiantly

“You and I didn’t talk about this for five years and everything was perfect. You asked. You wanted to know and now not only are you making your own life miserable but you are making mine & Jensen’s and Danneel’s life hell. We are all tip toing around to keep you happy, make sure we don’t say the wrong thing to upset you but you seem to think you can blurt out whatever the hell you want no matter who you are upsetting or offending and its ok.”

“I just wish things were different. I wish I didn’t know. I know I asked, you’re right, but I just wish…” she shrugged

“You don’t even want to know what I wish right now Gen”

“Go on say it. I dare you.” Her eyes flashed and her lips curled

“I definitely wish I could go back two weeks and wipe away that conversation and if it wasn’t for these two I would wish I could go back five years…”

“And what? Wipe that away?”

“You said it not me.” Jared said before turning and walking out of the room.

“Don’t walk away from me.”

“If I don’t one of us or both of us will end up saying something in the heat of the moment we will regret later. This is for both of our sakes.”

Jared grabbed his car keys and left the house.

“Fuck.” He yelled when he got in the car. He hadn’t even had a chance to shower yet alone get something to eat before he was chased out of his own house.

Well he wasn’t really chased, more fled before he said or did something he would regret.

The love he felt for Jensen must have somehow fed the love he felt for Gen and became the glue holding them together. By tearing himself away from Jen he may actually have killed his own marriage because right now he wanted nothing to do with his wife. Didn’t want to look at her, talk to her, touch her. He loved his kids but deep in his heart, if he wouldn’t be completely disgusted with himself like he already was for even thinking it, he could walk out the door of this house and not look back; at her anyway. He knew relationships were hard and took work but this was getting beyond a joke plus in reality he had never had to work at it. He and Jensen had just fitted. Yeah they’d quarrelled but never had a down and out dirty fight and Jared didn’t know how to handle the confrontation

 

He drove five minutes down the road and pulled into the driveway, got out and knocked on the door

“Jay?” Jensen asked when he opened it. His hair was still pointing in all directions, tracksuits pants hung low and he had on a plain white shirt. Jared felt a mixture of comfort and desire. He felt like he had come home

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah of course dude you don’t have to ask.” Jensen said and stepped back

“Is Danni here?”

“Hey Jared what’s up?” she said as she came down the hall with JJ, she nodded at Jensen and he took JJ and took a step back. He wasn’t leaving the room, he could see Jared was agitated and upset but he let his wife take the lead. Jared was still in the clothes he put on in the den last night, his eyes weren’t all the way open and his hair was sticking up and out. He looked like he had literally just climbed out of bed and Jensen took a deep breath before pushing the palm of his hand into his crotch

“Danneel I’m sorry to have to ask, I wouldn’t if there were any other option but I need you to go and talk to Gen, really talk to her. Everything, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whole truth. I’m done, I am literally done; if I had the energy today I would be packing my bags. I can’t talk to her because she’s not listening to me, she’s not hearing me and she keeps jumping to conclusions”

“Jared, hey of course I told you, anything you need. Come in, sit down. What happened?”

“I woke up this morning to find her ranting about Broke Back Mountain and she can’t look at me or Jensen without seeing g.a.y p.o.r.n” there were always kids in the room.

“Coffee?” she asked and shot Jensen a look when he opened his mouth angrily

“Nah I think I’ll head off.”

“Where are you going?” Jensen asked trying to sound casual

“I don’t know. Maybe to my parents, maybe get a motel room. I just can’t go home yet. For Christ sake I left the house with no clothes. The only reason I have my wallet is it was beside my keys. I don’t even have my phone which is probably a good thing at the moment.”

“Jay you’re not going anywhere. Stay here. I can’t have you taking off if we can’t get in contact with you. We want you to stay.”

“Honestly?”

“Ah yeah.”

“Thanks guys, I’m sorry to dump this on you. I shouldn’t have said anything when she asked. I should have just blown it off. What was I thinking? I knew she couldn’t handle it. I knew she wasn’t Danni. I just hoped as my wife…I hate to do this but I have literally just woken up.” Echoing Jensen’s thoughts, “I would love a shower.”

“Yeah man come on up and there’s clothes of yours here you know that.” Jensen said as he slapped Jared on the back

“Yeah we never quite got around to the returning each other’s things part did we?”

“That’s a good thing about now isn’t it?” Jensen said with a smile and led him upstairs to what he considered ‘their room’.

Jared blushed as he stood at the threshold. Memories came swirling back and he could almost smell and taste Jensen as he looked around the room.

“Come on man, would it make you feel any better if I said it was just a room?”

“It’s our room.” Jared growled possessively

“Well yeah I know that and Danneel knows that but you look like you’re about to freak so I was trying to make you feel better.”

“Jensen what have I done?” Jared whispered

“Hey you’re just going through what Danni and I went through years ago. You’ll get through this you’ll see.”

“I think I had to be with you to be able to be with her. That doesn’t make sense I know but I seriously would have walked out today Jen. It was come here or go to the house in Vancouver and the only thing that stopped me was a lack of ticket.”

“Jared you do not need to flee the country. You know you can come here at any time of the day or night. We will get through this, all of us.”

“I’m taking JJ.” Danneel called up the stairs.

“No babe I got her.” Jensen said as he walked over to stand close to Jared in the doorway. “In fact I’ll drop you around and pick up the boys. Might be best if they didn’t overhear anything. God it took us days to stop Tom running around yelling dog turd and bursting out hysterically. Jay you right to hold off on the shower for a couple and look after JJ while I do this?”

“Yeah you might wanna brush your hair first.” Jay said as he lifted his hand to touch it and then dropped it back down realising he didn’t have the right anymore.

“Thanks.” Jensen gave him a quick smile and walked into ‘their room’ stripped off his track suit pants and pulled on jeans. So not only did Jared get a full view of that gorgeous ass he now had the torment of knowing Jensen was going commando.

“You better not get in an accident, your mama won’t be happy that you don’t have clean underwear on.”

“I don’t think that rule counts if I don’t have any on at all.” Jensen said with a wink as he walked past him out the bedroom door.

 

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt people, it's longer so I hope you don't think it rambles but I had so many words flying out of me. I read it, it seems ok but as always feel free to comment...and hang in there :)

“Hi Gen.” Danneel smiled as Jared’s wife opened the door

“Oh God have you come to tell me he’s leaving me.” Gen said with her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes.

“Is that want you want?” Jensen asked from behind his wife

“What? No of course not. What are _you_ doing here?” she frowned

“Jensen’s come to take Tom and Shep to our house with JJ and I am going to stay and we’re going to chat ok?”

“You’re taking my babies?”

“I’m just taking them to our house so you two can talk freely. You know what kids are like at picking up words. When I come to get Danni I’ll bring them back. I promise. There’s nothing sneaky going on here Genevieve. I’m just giving you some time to talk.”

“Is Jared with you?”

“Jared is at our house.” Danneel replied

“Will he come back with the boys?”

“Well let’s see how your chat goes. I guess at the moment its up to you” Jensen smiled and called to Tom and Shep

“I want him back.”

“Genevieve Danni is here to give it to you straight. Jared asked her to come. She is going to tell you everything ok. She’s not holding anything back, she has been there pretty much from the beginning so you need to listen to her, listen to what she says and then you get to make a decision. You need to know though that at the moment I am just trying to keep Jared in the country. If he had his way he would be on the way to Vancouver now.”

“Jensen.” Danneel snapped

“Well she needs to know…”

“Take the boys, I will call you.” She said and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek before pushing him out the door.

 

“Want a coffee?” Danneel asked as she made herself at home in the kitchen

“Only because it’s too early to drink.” Genevieve sighed

“Gen it’s not that bad. You know most of it, I’m just here to clear up a few details.”

“But depending on how this goes depends on whether my husband comes back to me.”

“Gen this has nothing to do with whether Jared comes back to you, this is all about you. Look Jared says you’re not really listening to him and you knew you would piss him off this morning when you mentioned the Brokeback thing.”

“Yeah it was stupid. I knew it was stupid and I just couldn’t shut my stupid mouth.” She said as she banged her palm against her forehead, “He’s so tired at the moment and I know there is other stuff going on which is what I guess you are here to tell me about and I just keep poking at him.”

“So my first question is going to sound harsh but I have to ask it.”

“Ok.”

“Are you up to acting like an adult about this?”

“Danneel!” she gasped

“Well your comments last night and this morning were a bit adolescent and this is a very adult situation Gen so if you don’t think you can handle it, don’t think you want to hear it tell me now. Jared tried to explain and you only understood half of it and have been sulking ever since. I know it’s harsh and if this has me losing your friendship? Well I’d do it to help your marriage.”

“Truthfully I don’t know. I think what you’re going to tell me is that I have to share my husband with someone else and that someone is a man.”

“If we’re lucky yeah. My plan is to tell you the whole truth so you understand and Jensen’s plan is to try and win back his boyfriend.”

“And you’re ok with that?”

“Well does Jared look really happy and healthy to you at the moment? Is that how you want your husband to be?”

“No he used to be so happy and had so much energy and now he hardly moves from the den.”

“He’s heartbroken. He split up with the love of his life.”

“I’m meant to be the love of his life.” She cried

“And you are one of them Gen, you and the boys, but Jensen is his soul mate and they need to be together to feel whole. Jensen has been just as bad as Jared over the last two weeks. He doesn’t leave his den, he hardly eats but the whiskey bottles are piling up. You know our boys usually let the beards grow out during seasons but have they ever looked this ratty or as unkempt as they have this season? They did it for each other, they want to look good for each other, the same as we want to look good for them and since they don’t have each other they don’t care. I saw Jared when I was here the other day, he looked like crap and you know it.”

“You understand how wrong that sounds right?”

“The only other way I can think to word it is that the man you fell in love with and married, that is not the man you are now living with. If you want the man you fell in love with back you need to let Jensen in his life or all you will have is a shadow of a life and memory of what used to be.”

“But they will have sex.”

“You really, really need to get over the sex thing Gen.”

“That’s what Jared said.” she sighed

“Anyone can have sex, there is no feelings in sex. Jared and Jensen make love. They need that physical connection to be whole.”

“They have anal sex.”

“Hey don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“What?” Genevieve gasped

“I’m actually…no hang on…I was going to say I was surprised you hadn’t tried it but then I remembered that you guys aren’t as open about this as we are but babe try it one day I’m telling you.”

“Alright let’s do this. I’m not going to lie, I’m not one hundred per cent sure I want to hear all this, but I want my husband and my marriage and my family so do it. Lay it all out for me.”

“Are you sure? This is a huge thing Gen. Once you’ve heard it there is no going back and this is life changing but I also think you need to hear it because I know Jared and Jensen need to be together and I know Jared’s life would be so much better if he didn’t have to keep hiding half of it from you. Right now you know something has happened in the past but they are apart. You can leave it like that. That will be your life but I gotta say that’s like reading the middle of the book without the front and back. You don’t know how it started and you’re going to be wondering for the rest of your life how it’s going to end. Every time Jared says something or smiles at something and says don’t worry about it, every time Jared goes out even if it’s just to the store, you’re going to be wondering and you’re going to get paranoid and maybe he is just down at the shops and all that is going through your mind is Brokeback and you’ll ruin this life you have.”

“Yes I really need to know. You’re right, if I keep my head in the sand I will be paranoid the rest of my life about every phone call, text message, smile. It will drive me insane and I will end up pushing him away, if I haven’t already. I promise Danneel I’m ready.”

“Well the first thing is I wish you could have been there to see it all begin. It was gorgeous and awkward and embarrassing and beautiful and tentative. Jensen rang me the day after the audition raving about Jared. He had got the job, this was like a big break for him, but all he kept talking about was this guy who was from Texas like him and they had so much in common and they went out for a beer afterwards and were out all night.

I didn’t think anything of it; he was my boyfriend and up until then we had a great sex life. That was going to change with him pretty much moving to Canada but we were together. Anyway he was gone for six months pretty much except for the occasional weekend. When he came down he hooked up with me, got together with his friends but all he kept talking about was Jared. Jared did this, Jared said that, Jared and I played a prank. It was never ending and I thought I had to get up there and meet this guy who is four years younger than Jen and yet becoming one of his best friends so I did, I flew up.

And Jared, Gen you should have seen him, he was like a Great Dane puppy. All arms and legs and so energetic but gangly and clumsy and Jensen just kept looking out for him like a big brother would, making sure he was ok, making sure he’d eaten, wouldn’t let anyone pick on him, kept having laughs with him. They had their own little inside jokes and they’d just look at each other and without saying a word would burst into laughter. And they were always touching you know, hugging, patting each other’s arms or legs, fixing hair or makeup, I thought it was great that the two of them had each other up there.  They needed that friendship since the whole show was relying on them. Hell here is a kid who’s still getting acne and Jensen who’s still in his twenties and this whole damn production is relying on them. If they weren’t close, if they couldn’t work together, they were screwed.

And then season three happened and they had the writers’ strike and they were apart for months. Jared went travelling with Sandy, Jensen was here with me but I didn’t have his full attention I knew that but at the time I put it down to nervousness, was the show going to continue, we were all going through that back then, and Jared and Jensen rang or texted each other every single damn day. Jensen was the first person Jared rang when he got engaged, both times just so you know.

Then after the strike and they were back at work Jensen just changed. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he disappeared. When he came down he didn’t visit and when I finally confronted him he was so angry over something so stupid, I can’t even remember now it was that dumb and when I called him on it he burst into tears. What do you do when a grown man bursts into tears? I didn’t know what to do and he seemed so guilty and I asked him if he was cheating on me and his reply…

“Yes…no… not physically.” He grimaced as tears ran down his face

“Was does that even mean Jensen?”

“I don’t know Danni, I promise I’m not sleeping with anyone.”

“What’s going on then? How can you not know if you’re cheating on me or not?”

“I can’t explain it. I don’t even want to think it yet alone say the words out loud. If I say it out loud the whole world changes. I can’t even say it in my head”

“Jensen what the hell?” she yelped, scared

“Jared!”

“Jared? What about Jared?”

“I’m not gay Danni, you know that, I promise you I’m not gay.”

“Did something happen up there?”

“No.” he moaned in pain

“So where does the gay thing come into it?”

“Because I think I want something to happen.”

“What? I don’t understand. You’re not gay Jensen, we have sex, well had sex all the time.”

“I know. God don’t you think I haven’t had this god damn argument in my own head a million times while I try to figure out what the fuck is going on.”

“So what is going on? What are you trying to figure out?”

“If I could explain it I would but all I can say is I want to be with him all the time, we work together, I have a bedroom at his place that I stay at when I’m not at the motel, you know that, and I still feel like I need more. I need to be able to see him or hear him to just relax, when we’re apart I spend the whole time tense just waiting to see him again, oh my God I’m such a chick. It’s dumb, what I’m saying is dumb I know that, I hear myself saying it and it’s dumb but it’s the closest I can think to explain it” he was pacing and ranting

“So you have feelings for him?”

“Yeah I think.” He was looking at her apologetically

“And this isn’t just a best friend or almost brother’s thing that you two rave about in the media all the time?”

“I have never had the urge to kiss my brother so I’m gonna have to go with no.”

“What the fuck! You want to kiss him?” she went about three octaves higher in shock

“Yeah I think I do.” He grimaced

“And have you?” she yelped

“No God no. The kid’s twenty five and engaged and I don’t know what the hell’s going on in my head, I’m not passing my crazy onto him. That’s sick.”

“This _is_ sick Jensen. I don’t know you anymore and I don’t even know if I can be with you anymore if you are having thoughts like that.”

“That’s fair enough, I don’t blame you, you deserve better anyway.” He muttered looking at the ground

“What? Is that what you want? For me to dump you? Was this a whole ploy to get me to dump you?” she said angrily as she pushed at his shoulders. She wanted to hit him and punch him and make him hurt as much as she was at the moment.

“No fuck Danni don’t you think I would come up with a better story then lusting after my male co-star. I would have just told you I screwed one of the extras. I would not hang it all out there for you to see if this wasn’t fucking serious and sick and eating me up on the inside. And if I’m not thinking about him all I can think about is how I am cheating on you and you deserve better and what the fuck am I even thinking when I have you at home waiting for me. This is out of my control Danni I need you to understand that, this is something that I feel is out of my control. And honestly right at this point I’m wondering if I should pull out of the show at the end of the season.”

“Hang on what? Seriously? It’s that bad?” shock that he would ruin his potential career for a crush on a co-star, man or woman, suddenly made her realise how serious he was and this whole situation was.

“I just want things to go back to normal. I want to look at you and want you again, I want to live my life like my parents have brought me up. I want to be able to sleep again at night without having nightmares or fantasies. I want to be able to have a conversation with whomever I am working with without hearing sexual innuendos and double meanings in everything that is said and done…and this poor bastard…I think he knows and I’m freaking him out.”

“What do you mean you think he knows?”

“He won’t look at me, he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he sees me coming and runs away. The poor bastard is running away from me.”

“Ok let’s calm down and think rationally about this.”

“Good luck because I’m beyond that, I’ve been trying to think rationally for so long I am fucked in the head.”

“Jensen maybe it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. Maybe it’s just because you’re in such close confines up there. Maybe I should come up and check it out. Do you want me to come up with you, spend some time with you, be a buffer?”

“I can’t ask you to do that Danni, not after everything I have just told you.”

“No Jay I think I need to. I need to see what’s going on up there and you need to see if it makes a difference and honestly I think we need to work this out together and that’s not going to happen if you’re feeling like this and up there and I’m down here and freaking out. I’m not doing anything at the moment, let me come up.” Danneel believed that this was all in Jensen’s head and once he had her up there in his work life he would snap out of whatever was going on.

“Thank you Danni, thank you so much for everything. I have been losing my mind for months now and I needed to talk to someone. I’m so sorry I dumped this all on you, I mean it when I say you deserve better.” Tears were pouring down his face and Danni’s heart broke. He had obviously been struggling and was in pain and suffering and if she had been more of a girlfriend she would have noticed way before now.

 

“Anyway so I headed up to Canada and watched the two of them in their native habitat.”

“How could you do that?”

“I love Jensen and I needed to be there for him and I never said this out loud before but I didn’t honestly believe him, I thought he was looking for intimacy because we were apart for so long, you know what they say, channelling his unused emotions in another direction.”

“And?”

“And I started noticing the way Jared was looking at Jensen. He didn’t seem to be running from Jensen more than running from himself. You know as an actor you’re told to pay attention to the small things. It’s those small details that make the scene. So they’re out there bumbling around and stuttering and looking everywhere except at each other and I’m watching Jensen’s eyes soften when Jared is struggling with a scene, and I’m watching Jared look at Jensen and blush and turn away and I’m beginning to wonder if Jared is going through the same pain Jensen is going through.”

“So what did you do?”

“I freaked out. I was only twenty something and even though I had gay friends I had never heard of this happening before and it’s not like I could ring anyone and ask. Jensen was a main character on a family orientated channel, if word got out…”

“So did you talk to them?”

“I know it sounds mean but I wasn’t there for Jared I was there for me and Jensen. And while Jensen was out on set working with this kid, suffering, I was on set living my own hell, I could see the chemistry and the tension and I felt like I was standing there literally watching my boyfriend and my future disappearing before my eyes. All l could tell Jensen was to be open with Jared about what was going on and let the chips fall where they may. And poor Jensen all he kept saying to me is I’m not gay, you don’t get to twenty something then suddenly turn gay which is the truth unless God made a monumental fuck up and made your soul mate a man.”

“I don’t know if you can talk about God when you talk about this.” Genevieve said

“Ah yeah you can because that’s what half the problem was, these big southern men with their southern ways and their southern religions but God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t give anyone more than they can handle. They just have to have the strength and the courage and God knew these two men would fight through it to be with each other.”

“So what happened?”

“I told Jensen that I love him and that I would wait for him to make a decision and then I got on a plane and came home. And to cut an already long story short a week later Jensen sent a text saying Jared and Sandy had broken up and then a week after that I got a photo from Jensen of him lying in bed with a sleeping Jared. Not a gross photo, a sweet photo, a romantic photo and he was so damn happy. Happier than I had seen him in over a year.”

“Jesus what did you?”

“Ah I did what any woman would do when she had lost the man she loved, I cried and I yelled and I swore and I cried some more and I got drunk and I spun out of control and screwed a random stranger and then felt worse and cried even more and then I realised I did not want to lose Jensen, even if it was just as a friend so I sucked it up and made a phone call. I told him I loved him and wanted to be part of his life and next time he was down come and visit.”

“And that’s that?”

“Well no we had our ups and downs but I went from being his girlfriend to his best friend. I now knew what guys meant when they talked about being friend zoned. It sucked. Jared wouldn’t come near me for months he felt so guilty and when I finally cornered him and talked to him and told him I forgave him because it wasn’t his fault and it was out of his hands he cried and hugged me so hard. Both these boys were struggling and needed someone to talk to and I became it and that’s how we became a threesome.”

“A threesome?” Genevieve yelped

“Eww God no not like that. Just best buds.”

“So how did you go from that to this, to being married to him with JJ?”

“Well it was the strangest thing. Once Jensen had Jared in his life, once they worked out their relationship and how it was going to work and all the gross little details; Jensen went back to normal. Showed up, told me he still loved me and wanted to be a part of my life. I thought hooray it was just a phase and things would go back to normal but no; Jensen told me he loved Jared and needed Jared to be a part of his life but he still loved me and could see a future with me. That’s when I lost it, I screamed at him that he was so selfish and he couldn’t ask that of me and did he expect me to just hang around until he decided what he wanted and by then I would be too old to get married and have kids and he was an asshole and he said fair enough if that was my decision but he still loved me and could see a future with me that could have marriage and kids in it.”

“And you accepted that?”

“Not at first, I stormed out and told him I never wanted to see him again but after a while I knew I loved him and there was no one else for me but him so I went up to Canada and asked if I still had a shot. I could handle Jared becoming a part of our lives if it meant I still got to be with him. I loved him too much to lose him.”

“But he was telling you he was gay.”

“Look I think at worst their bi-sexual, think of it that way but they’re not gay. They don’t like guys. Hell we have watched movies with Channing Tatum in them, Zac Efron, Chris Hemsworth, even Stephen Amell is fucking gorgeous and nothing, no reaction. It’s not a physical thing, it’s a spiritual thing and spirits are non-sexual.”

“But they have sex?”

“Gen…”

“No this isn’t about the sex thing, it’s just if you’re saying it was their spirits or their souls that are attracted I don’t know how the sex…sorry…making love thing came into it.”

“Same way as it does for you and Jared or me and Jensen. It’s a powerful force and an expression of love. It’s like when you look at your kids and you love them so much you just want to squeeze them so hard with the love you feel, same thing.”

“So Jensen didn’t start all this?”

“You gotta stop hating on my husband. None of this is his fault. You can’t blame him any more than you can blame Jared. It’s beyond their control but to be brutally honest it was Jared who told Jensen he loved him first.”

“What?”

“Your husband is so brave Genevieve. He took that first step, he put himself out there and Jensen could have laughed at him, bullied him, shit he could have beat him up or told the studios, it could have gone in so many bad, bad ways when Jared said it but he said it and the rest is ancient history. They have been through so much and I don’t want to know what the rest of my life is going to be like with my husband if he doesn’t have Jared in it.”

“Danneel be honest with me, when did they actually break up?”

“You know when Jared dropped Jensen back at our house after he got back from Rome? Then.”

“Two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. Two… two weeks ago?” Her voice got higher as it sank in.

“Sorry babe but yeah.”

“Ok let me just think about…actually no in the grand scheme of things when they broke up is irrelevant. How does this work? Well how does this work at your house?”

“We live our lives as per usual with you and Jared and the boys in it as per usual. As you know they’re away a lot of the time so it doesn’t affect us that much. It’s a four bedroom house they live in up there so when JJ and I go up Jensen and I are in one room, JJ in another and Jared is in his and Jensen’s room.”

“Of course because you knew, what did they do when we went up because I did not know they were living together? I just thought Jensen had a room there for whenever he crashed.”

“And that’s where none of us could figure out how you didn’t know what was going on. Surely you must have known you weren’t in the main bedroom when you stayed there?”

“God don’t tell me we were in your bedroom?” Genevieve groaned

“No, eww, no, you and Jared had the fourth bedroom and Jensen very gentlemanly went and stayed at a hotel.”

“I don’t get it?”

“The main room was Jared and Jensen’s. The second bedroom was mine and Jensen’s. The third bedroom was the kids and the fourth bedroom was you’re and Jared’s.”

“And Jensen went and stayed at a hotel when we went up there to visit. Geez now I feel like crap.”

“What’s one more thing to feel like crap for at the moment hey?”

“Danneel!”

“That was a joke.”

“And I guess I know the answer but what happens when they’re home?”

“Yeah in your heart you know the answer. Jared and Jensen have a bedroom at our house and you know that Jensen stays in your spare bedroom upstairs. You did know that even if you couldn’t say it out loud.”

“And this whole thing works for you? You’re happy?”

“Well until two weeks ago I was very happy. I love Jensen Gen and the man I married, who has to have Jared in his life, is the man I fell in love with, actually even a better version. You were lucky you met Jared when he was already super charged, I think the Jared you have now is the Jared you would have met before Jensen.”

“Jesus.”

“Jared has always had a part of him that could get dark. Jensen was with him when he hit hard times before they got together and with professional help Jared got it through it. Since he’s been with Jensen it never happened again. I think this time just the physical and emotional toll of injuring himself and doing this season and all this travelling made him tired and vulnerable and he hit a dark point again. He was hurting and panicked and hit out at the one person who he thought could take it but also the one person who can probably help him out of it. They need each other Gen, they _need_ each other.”

“Two weeks ago?”

“Yep. Two weeks and one day ago Jared was on the phone telling my husband he loved him and then I think he just lost the plot because they weren’t together. As Jared said to me the other day, there is nothing worse than loving someone and wanting to be with them but you can’t because of society. It’s exhausting.”

“I just need to think. I appreciate all you have told me Danni and I’m not freaking out I just need a minute for it all to sink in, to think.”

“Ok I’ll ring Jensen and tell him to come get me. Do you want him to bring the boys back?”

“Would you mind if I had some time alone?”

“Not at all.” Danneel said and picked up her phone

“And Danni?”

“Yeah?”

“No matter what happens with me and Jared, thank you for coming to tell me and thank you for being Jared’s friend. I’m glad he had someone he could talk to, even after he hurt your husband.”

“Oh I wanted to kick his ass don’t get me wrong but he was hurting too but I was happy and am happy to be his friend and yours too hopefully.”

Genevieve got up and gave Danneel a hug and both girls were crying when Jensen showed up to pick up his wife

 

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every time I sit down to write I have an idea in my mind and its never what hits the page - this story is writing itself. I can see it turning around but please leave comments and let me know if you're getting bored

“This is stupid.” Jared blurted into the silence of the three adults sitting around the backyard while the kids played

“What’s stupid?” Jensen asked

“All of this. Having to explain everything to my wife after the fact. Having to tip toe around her and make sure she’s ok and happy after the fact. We’re all sitting here silently as if on tender hooks waiting to see what she decides to do. This is dumb.” Jared says still looking straight ahead.

Danneel had explained the whole conversation to both the men when she got back to the house and told them Genevieve needed some time to herself and now it seemed like they were in a waiting game, in limbo.

“What if _I_ don’t want to be with _her_ anymore?” Jared huffed as he stood up and started pacing

“What? Come on Jay”

“No I’m serious. I’m starting to see things a little clearer now. The whole manipulation and making me feel guilty card. Chucking fits when something doesn’t go her way, holding over my head not letting me talk to my boys if I say something or do something. Heaven forbid a photo is posted of me and my best friend on twitter she doesn’t like. Heaven forbid I talk to an ex-girlfriend from eleven years ago. I have been through a lot over these last couple of weeks and there has been no support there at all from her. I have had to figure this all out by myself and yet here we all are waiting on baited breath to see if she’ll accept a situation that is over. Maybe I won’t accept her apology, maybe I don’t care what she decides anymore.”

“Well Jared not to kick you while you’re down but this is kind of self-inflicted dude.” Jensen said

“What?” Jared yelped and spun around, “Why? Because I married her without explaining the full situation?”

“Well yeah that but I was more talking about how you could have had me with you while you went through all this but you dumped my ass and now you are struggling alone. If you leave Genevieve now you’ll be alone again so yeah you are a little screwed right at the moment.” Jensen talked without thinking, big mistake.

“Thanks Jen, thank you for reminding me of that.” Jared said with a sarcastic smile and walked into Jensen’s house.

“Jensen what the fuck?” Danneel asked, shocked, as she hit him in the arm.

“It just came out.” He said as he rubbed his hands over his face

“Babe I gotta tell ya you suck at wooing if this is how you do it. How did you manage to even get an awesome wife like me with that kind of attitude?”

“I am so tired Danni and I was sitting here listening to him talking about it being after the fact and that we’re over and I got the shits. He’s right we’re all in a holding pattern waiting to see what she decides but I feel like I’m in a holding pattern also with Jared. How is this fair that he dumped me and now instead of trying to get over that break up he’s here and we’re trying to fix his marriage? This isn’t fair on me Danneel. I can’t keep sitting here pretending to be happy with a smile on my face while my heart is broken. He is asking too much of me, too much of us.”

Jared stood just inside the door and overheard Jensen talking. He was right and Jared was dumb. He _was_ asking too much of Jensen and Danneel, he had come to them as friends but hearing Jensen made him remember he had lost his best friend when he split up with him. He shouldn’t have come here today; hell he should have done what his first instincts were and kept going to Mexico but this could all be fixed. He turned and went into the kitchen

“Hello?”

“Genevieve I know you have things to work out but I need you to come over here and get the boys.”

“Jared…”

“Genevieve you and I will or won’t work this out, we need to talk but you need to understand that I broke up with Jensen…”

“Yeah Danni told me.”

“And yet here I am at his house while he and his wife look after our kids. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Yeah I do…sorry Jared.”

“Don’t be sorry but I need you to come right now, can you do that?”

“Yes but what are you…”

“I’ve got to get out of here Gen, I can’t stay here with him, with them, I’ve already overstepped the boundaries and I’m leaving right now but I don’t want to dump our kids on them. Ring mum and dad and see if they’ll take them if you need time but Gen I need to know you’re coming before I leave.”

“I’m walking out the door now.”

“Thank you.” He gushed into the phone with relief. He then quietly opened and closed the front door as he left.

Jensen got up as the doorbell rang

“What the hell are you doing up there Jared?” he yelled as he walked through the house and opened the door, “Genevieve?”

“Hi Jensen, I’ve come for the boys.” She smiled politely as she stood at the door

“What?”

“I’ve come to get Tom and Shep, hi Danni, if you could just get them for me.” She smiled again although it was forced and uncomfortable

“Yeah sure.” Danni said and walked off

“Are you coming in?” he asked as he stepped aside

“No but thanks. I think we’ve imposed enough as it is.”

“Do you want me to get Jared?”

“Um he’s not here Jensen.”

“What?” Jensen gasped and then looked past Jared’s wife for the first time and noticed the car was gone, “What the…”

“Here you are.” Danneel said loudly to stop the expletive coming out of Jensen’s mouth

“Jared’s gone.” Jensen said in a flat tone to Danneel

“Gen did Jared ring you?” Danneel said as all three of them walked out to her car with the kids

“Yeah he asked me to come straight away and pick up the boys and he was right. We have asked too much of you and taken up too much of your time with our personal problems. In Jared’s defence you have been the only ones who knew, who he could talk to about it. I get it I do but Jared’s right also in that it’s not fair on Jensen to have to go through all this. We’ll get it sorted, we may need to see a councillor or something but we’ll work it out. I know now I don’t want to lose my husband I just have to try and convince him to not want to leave me but that’s not your concern. Danneel I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done and Jensen I am sorry.” Gen said, by now she and Danneel had the boys in their car seats so she smiled and climbed in before driving away.

“What have you done?” Danneel yelled at her husband as she punched him in the arm

“I don’t know, I don’t know. What just happened?” Jensen was standing there stunned and rubbing his arm.

“You want to know what just happened Jensen Ackles? We both just got dumped.” Danneel said as she scooped up JJ and went into the house.

“What?”

“You couldn’t keep your mouth shut until Jared had left. You had to have your little dig at him and your little rant and you didn’t stop to think.”

“It’s my house.”

“It’s not your house, it’s our house and it’s their second home. Do you honestly think Jared didn’t hear what you said? I think from what Genevieve just said it’s safe to say Jared heard what you said.”

“Come on it’s my house, I should be allowed to say what I want in my own house.”

“Yes a house you bought and moved us to so that you could be close to Jared. A house that is five minutes down the road from people who used to be our best friends. Now this is just going to be awkward and uncomfortable because you couldn’t keep your big mouth shut. You better fix this Jensen, I swear to god you fix this.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.” He muttered

“Jensen Ackles do you still love him?”

“Yes.” He sighed

“Do you want a future with him?”

“Yes.”

“So you fix this.”

“I don’t think I know how.”

“Well then we move again, we’ll go back to LA. It’s alright for you, you get to leave, I have to stay here and bang into Genevieve at events or out shopping. I’m not living like that. We’ll fix this together or we’ll move together. We are in this together but I moved here for you, if this doesn’t work we move back”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Move. I have to be here. I have to be near him. Even if this is over and we do just get our friendship back I have to be close to him. I’m sorry Danni I wasn’t thinking. I did kind of want to hurt him like he hurt me but I wasn’t thinking. I can’t believe he left.”

“I know, imagine leaving after hearing all the nice things you had to say about him. Rude bastard.”

“You know sarcasm is not a nice look on you.”

“Yeah well heartbroken ruffian isn’t a nice look on you but I’ve been putting up with it for weeks.”

“Danneel” he snapped

“No I’m done Jensen, I’m about as done with you as Jared is with Genevieve. I knew what I was getting into when I married you and I know it sucks that Jared split with you but now JJ and I are in a holding pattern. You’re here but you’re not here. We only have you for a short period of time between the filming and the conventions and yet you’ve hardly spent any time with us. Decide if you’re going to try and win Jared back, or just be his friend or be nothing but decide. I think JJ and I might go and spend some time with mum and dad.”

“Oh come on babe there’s no need to leave. I’m sorry, I know I’ve been a grouch but I’ll snap out of it, please don’t go.” Jensen said as he pulled her into a hug.

“Why? Worried you’ll be like Jared, all alone in the world?”

“That was a stupid thing to say, what the hell was I thinking. I know he takes everything to heart. He’s so vulnerable, I’ll ring him and apologise.” Jensen said as he leant down to kiss his wife

“Eww don’t kiss me with your gross old man beard.”

“Ok, ok I get the hint, I’m not losing it but I’ll tidy it.” He smiled before grabbing her into a hug and rubbing his beard all over her face while she giggled and fake screamed. JJ came running to see what all the fun was and Jensen scooped her up and rubbed his beard all over her face too while she shrieked and laughed. He had a smile on his face when he put her down and went to the phone.

“Hi Genevieve is Jared there?” Jensen asked casually with a smile in his voice

“No he didn’t come home.”

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked now serious

“When he rang me to come and get the boys he said he had to leave straight away and he kind of implied he wasn’t coming home.”

“Where would he go? His parents?”

“Maybe but I don’t think so, they don’t know about any of this from what Danni implied so I don’t know and his phone is still here so I can’t ring him.”

“Is that normal?”

Is it normal that my husband doesn’t want to come home to his own house and be with me? Is it normal that this is the second time since he came home that he has just driven off and last time he was gone all night?” she cried hysterically

“Hey Gen…”

“No I’m seriously asking Jensen, when you two fought did he ever take off and not come back? As you have pointed out, and I’m not being snarky, you have known him longer than me so I need you to tell me if I should be worried or if this is just something he does. He’s never done it before but I’m now just beginning to realise the stress he is under at the moment. I know he said we were to stay away from you, he broke up with you, we shouldn’t be coming to you but I thought since you rang here I could ask the question, is this normal for him to just drive?”

“We never really fought.” Jensen said

“Really.” She said sarcastically

“I promise you Genevieve if we had I would tell you but we didn’t fight. I mean we had disagreements and bitched at each other every now and then when we were tired or pissed about something but we never fought when we were together, actually in the whole time I have known him we have only ever had one fight and that was when we first started working together and still hadn’t figured each other out but I’m sorry we never fought and no he never just got in the car and drove away. I’m sorry.”

“No that’s ok Jensen. Thanks.”

“Genevieve...”

“Yeah?”

“Call me when he gets home.”

“Jensen that’s not nece…”

“Please just call me. I made a mistake today and I want to make it right. We need you and Jared in our lives, you’re our best friends. I want to try and fix this but right now I’m just worried, please promise you will call when he gets home.”

“I promise.” She said and hung up the phone.

 

Jensen had finally found the definition of insanity. He was internally climbing the walls and if things didn’t change soon he would literally be climbing the walls. Twenty-four hours, it had been twenty-four hours since he had had the phone conversation with Genevieve, even longer since he had seen Jared and there was still no word and no sighting. Last night as he was dozing off he rang Genevieve, thinking maybe she had forgotten to pass the message on but he knew as soon as she snapped up the phone and gasped hello that she hadn’t heard anything. He had suggested that she come to them but she didn’t want to leave the house and very politely turned down his offer to stay with her. He didn’t sleep, he couldn’t, he sat in front of the tv with his mobile and the home phone right beside him and must have picked up the mobile every half hour hoping for a message that never came.

This morning he had actually driven to their house but Jared’s car was not in the driveway so he went home and rang

“Nothing Jensen.” Was the first words out of her mouth.

“What do we do?”

“He was gone longer last time. Hopefully he’ll be home soon.”

So Jensen paced the house, he couldn’t read, he didn’t turn on the t.v he just walked and kept looking out the windows. Three hours later the phone rang

“Jared?” he gasped as the receiver almost slipped out of his hand in his haste to pick up and connect

“No but he just rang, he’s ok but won’t be home for a little while. He needs some time away from everything.”

“Did he say where he was?”

“No he wouldn’t tell me.”

“Did he leave a number?”

“No but I wrote down the one on caller ID”

“Can I have it?”

“Jensen look I just wanted to let you know he had called so you stopped stressing. He sounded ok…ish.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Ok he sounded drunk but it’s not for you to worry about anymore and I’m not saying that to be a bitch, I’m saying it to give you freedom. He split up with you, stop hurting yourself by trying to help him. He’s not your responsibility anymore.”

“Genevieve he will be my responsibility until my last breath whether we are together or not and I will never stop worrying about him. Please let me help him, please can I have the number?” Jensen was aware he sounded like he was begging but he had known something was wrong even before Genevieve had rung, Jared was spiralling and no matter what happened in the future Jensen needed to get to him to help him.

It was alright for everyone to talk about how Jared had dark times. Jared had put it out there to help other people with their depression and he had talked openly with his wife about that time but she had not been there. No one had been there except Jensen. Cast and crew were aware something was going on because Jared had to take time off but Jensen was the one who had been there. Had sat up with him for days while he talked nonstop or just went dead silent, which was scarier. Jensen had been the one to find him sitting on his bed with a bottle of pills in his hand, just staring at them. He had showered Jared and fed him and slept in the spare bedroom of his rented house, getting up every half hour to make sure he was still asleep and hadn’t done anything stupid. Jensen had never been so scared in his life and it was only when he started crying and said to Jared that he didn’t know how to help him and was so scared of losing his best friend that Jared had kind of snapped out of it and gone and seen someone.

 

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Jensen was frantic with thoughts of Jared sitting in his car somewhere with a bottle of whisky and a bottle of pills. They would never find him, Texas was a huge state and he could get anywhere in twenty-four hours. There were so many vast, empty and wooded places that Jared could find a spot and no one would find him for weeks or months. Jensen was almost hyperventilating by the time he rang the phone number Genevieve gave him.

“Yeah?” a rough and dark voice slurred down the phone

“Jared?” Jensen hardly recognised the voice

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?” he tried to sound calm but he knew his hands were shaking. Jared sound terrible. He sounded like he had at the absolute darkest point before he got help.

“Don’t know.”

“You have a phone, this is a land line. Are you at a hotel?”

”Yeah.”

“Where.”

“Ours.” Was all Jared slurred and the phone went dead.

‘Ours, ours’ was all that kept going through Jensen’s head, ‘what did that even mean? Was it the name of a hotel? The way he had been talking he could have left off half the name or slurred it wrong, ‘ours’ and then POW, got it.

“Danneel I’m going out.”

“Ok did Genevieve call?”

“Yeah, babe I gotta go but I promise I will call. Love you.”

“Jensen…”

“Yeah?” he had his keys in his hand and the front door open

“Be careful and bring him home.”

“I will, thanks babe.” And he was out the door

 

Jensen pulled up to the Marriott praying that their psychic connection was working and Jared was here, and hoped like hell, for the first time ever, that someone would recognise him so that this would go smoother, he even picked a target as he walked up to reception

“Hi.” He said and flashed a bright smile. He had chosen well, the young girl’s eyes widened and she blushed as she looked down and ran a hand through her hair.

“Good afternoon Mr Ackles, I mean sir, how can I help you?”

“Ah so you recognise me.” He offered a friendly smile

“Yes sir.”

“Let’s skip with the sir huh.”

“Ok, how can I help you?”

“Jared’s staying here and we’re having lunch, has he come down yet?” he said casually

“Jared’s here?” she gasped and her fingers dashed over the keyboard and she flushed again, “I haven’t seen him yet.” She said, confirming to Jensen he was here.

“He is always running late, what room’s he in so I can run up and grab him?”

“Well we’re not actually allowed to give out that…”

“Look I won’t go in I just need to grab him, it’s an interview we can’t be late for, would it make you feel better if I spoke with your manager? I would ring him except I have his phone here which is why he couldn’t text me his room number.” Jensen said and held up his own phone.

“Oh no that’s fine, he’s in room 501.”

“Thanks you’re a doll.” Jensen said and handed her a large denomination note.

 

“Room service.” Jensen called as he knocked on the door. He could here swearing from the other side of the door before it was unlatched and pulled ever so slightly.

Jensen pushed open the door and went in. The room was dark, stank of stale alcohol and the bed looked like a tornado had hit it. Jared, not having planned his escape, was in the same clothes he was in yesterday but now they looked wrinkled and limp against his body. His hair and his beard were dark and matted and his eyes were not focused, bloodshot and red, Jesus he looked worse than he had on screen at the end of season eight.

“Jay?” he whispered

“Huh.” He said but was looking at the wall

“Jared.” He said a little louder

“I told you get out of my head man.” Jared said as he continued looking at the wall

“Who?”

“Jensen.”

“Yeah?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Jensen get out of my head.” Jared was still looking at the wall and suddenly slammed his hand against his head as if to try and shake a vision; Jensen realised he was hallucinating. He moved quickly around the room looking for anything other than the bottle of whisky sitting on the table. No pills near the bed, nothing in the bins and nothing in the bathroom.

‘Ok so that’s ok.” Jensen was talking to himself to keep calm and then realised Jared was talking to himself also

‘I told you not to order room service Dean the teddy bears a bitch.’

“Dean?”

“No Sam.”

“What…?” Jensen went to question him and then realised he wasn’t going to get anything lucid out of him right now. He grabbed the swipe card off the table next to an empty tequila bottle and closed the door again. He didn’t think Jared would be going anywhere in that condition. Thankful the hotel was in the centre of the city he hit a chain store for essentials for both him and Jared before going back to the Marriott and booking himself a room on the same floor as him. He then pulled out his phone

“Hi Genevieve just wanted to let you know I’ve found him.”

“Is he ok?”

“Well he’s a little hung over. We’re going to stay where we are for a bit but I’ll keep you updated.”

“You’re not bringing him home?”

“Not quite yet. He’s fine and I’m here just as a friend but I don’t think he’s quite ready to come home yet.”

“Jensen I don’t care if you’re there as his friend or his boyfriend just look after my husband please.”

“On it.” He said and hung up

“Hi Danni.” His next phone call

“Where are you?”

“Marriott but you can’t tell Genevieve.”

“Why not?”

“It’s bad Danni, really bad. I can’t see any pills or anything other than tequila but he’s zoned out, he’s hallucinating, he looks like death, no actually death would look better than he does at the moment.”

“Shit Jen what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. At the moment I’m thinking just get him clean and sober and then go from there. I might need to get an appointment at the doctors but I can’t take him anywhere like he is at the moment. I have a room here, I won’t be home tonight, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry baby.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you were trying to get some distance from him.”

“That was never going to work, you know that plus I love him and will be with him until the end and the end aint fucking coming yet.” Jensen said and hung up before going upstairs.

When he let himself into Jared’s room he was still in the same spot and rocking back and forth.

“Jared”

“Huh.”

“Come on, shower.” Jensen pulled Jared up and zombie walked him into the bathroom.

After turning on the water he stripped Jared down and shoved him under the spray. He then stripped off his own clothes and climbed in beside him. Although his cock twitched and started rising to the occasion, as it did whenever he was in close vicinity to his boyfriend and naked, Jensen pushed it down, that was not what he was here for. He was here to get Jared washed and clean. He applied shampoo to his hair and his beard and after rinsing that off applied conditioner. While that did what it had to do Jensen got body wash and scrubbed down Jared’s body. He handed Jared a toothbrush with paste on it and put his hand up near his mouth, Jared automatically continued from there, brushing his teeth while Jensen rinsed him down. He then rinsed out the conditioner, made sure Jared was clean before getting himself out of the shower and then turned off the hot tap and cranked up the cold one.

“Holy mother of fuck and Jesus, what the fuck, holy…” Jared yelled as the water turned icy. He danced around the shower while trying to turn off the tap. “What the hell?” he yelped at Jensen when he finally got the water turned off

“Just trying to bring you back to the present.” Jensen said before throwing a towel at him and walking out of the room. Jensen got himself dressed while waiting for Jared to come out. After five minutes he went back in.

Jared was dry and had a towel wrapped around his waist but was staring at himself in the mirror and tears were silently running down his face.

“Jay come on man.”

“Don’t look at me. I can’t stand you seeing me look like this.” He said as he turned his back on Jensen

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I look terrible. What have I done? What was I thinking?”

“When?”

“Now, before, whenever.”

“Well that clarifies things. How are you feeling?”

“Like crap. I feel like I could sleep for a month but I can’t Jen, I can’t sleep, I can’t close my eyes and I lie in bed and toss and turn and have nightmares, even drinking doesn’t stop the nightmares. I am so tired. I feel worse now than when you sent me home.” He still had his back to Jensen and he was looking down at the floor.

Jensen looked at the silhouette of his boyfriend. He was so thin. He had lost a lot of muscle this year after doing his shoulder and not being able to lift weights but since the season was over he looked even worse. His shoulders were slumped and Jared could almost see the outline of his spine through his thin skin. He was pale and there was not an inch of spare flesh on him. He looked unhealthy. He needed food, sun and relaxation and although that’s what Jensen sent him home to do it turned out that letting him out of his sight had sent him into a life altering downward spiral.

“Jay look at me.”

“I can’t.” he whispered. Jensen walked into the bathroom and around to the front of him and lifted his face so their eyes met.

“Look at me. You are beautiful, you will always be beautiful to me because you are the other piece of me. It’s not what’s on the outside that counts it’s what’s inside you and inside you is a heart the size of fucking Texas. I shouldn’t have let you come home, this, all of this is on me. I should have kept you with me, bad things happen when we’re apart.”

“You thought you were doing the right thing, we both thought it was the right thing to do.” He whispered

“Babe you were meant to come home, climb into bed and stay there until I got home. You weren’t meant to have a meltdown about Misha, split up with me, leave your wife and family and destroy your life. You were meant to be out on the jet skis or the boat or barbecuing with us not hiding out in an anonymous hotel room drinking yourself into hallucinatory oblivion and scaring the crap out of everyone who loves you. You don’t run away Jay, you are the bravest person I know, why are you running now?”

“I was only brave when you were beside me. When you were with me I could take on the world, by myself I’m nothing, I’m no body.”

“You are an idiot.”

“Jen.”

“You, all by yourself, nothing to do with me, started your whole Keep Fighting campaign, and pulled me into it kicking and screaming the whole way. You keep me sane and you keep everybody on set happy and enjoying working, all you babe, not me, I just come along for the ride, you are the leader of the pack. You have two boys that think you are a super hero, not to mention my daughter who thinks the sun shines out your hair. Your wife does love you, despite the differences I personally have with her, and she is freaking out at the moment because you’re not at home and she’s having to keep a brave face for those boys so they don’t know anything is wrong. You don’t run away and dump everyone in it so I don’t know why you are now.”

“I don’t know, well I do know but I can’t put it in words.”

“Come on let’s get some clothes on you.” Jensen said when he noticed his skin starting to goose bump.

“Oh God I can’t put those clothes on again, I’d rather walk out of here in this towel.” Jared said as he walked into the room

“Well that would get us some good publicity but I got your back.” Jensen said and handed him a shopping bag

“Jensen I’m sorry.”

“What for now?”

“You should go.”

“You want me to go?” Jensen’s voice rose in shock

“No I don’t want you to go.” Jared said as a tear rolled down his cheek, “But I heard what you said yesterday…”

“I was a dick, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you were right. I hurt you and then I came running to you and involved you in all this. You’re right, I need to stay away from you and give you time to heal for use of a better word. I wish I could turn the clock back two weeks.”

“Would you split up with me still if you could do that?”

“I don’t know but I know I wouldn’t have said anything to Genevieve. I honestly believed I was doing the right thing when I let you go Jensen. Sometimes it’s just too hard…and then sometimes it’s absolutely perfect.”

“Jay when was the last time you slept?”

“In the den when you kissed me goodnight.”

“Come on.” Jensen took his hand and led him out of the room, three doors down he slid the swipe card in

“What’s this?”

“My room. Nice, clean, fresh sheets, no empty bottles and no nightmares. Come on.” Jensen said and pulled back the bed covers before pushing him down onto the bed and then closed the blinds.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting you some sleep.” Jensen said as he pulled the covers over Jared and climbed onto the bed next to him.

“Jensen…”

“I won’t let anything happen to you Jay, just close your eyes, it’ll all be better when you wake up.” Jensen said and didn’t pull away when Jared took his hand

 

Jared slept like the dead. He closed his eyes and was asleep immediately. Jensen watched tv and read a book and then finally dozed off himself, relaxing for the first time since the night he got back from Rome.  It was still early evening but he was sure they would sleep the night through.

In the middle of the night Jensen woke up to lips on his throat and a knee between his legs. He groaned and spread his legs wider apart.

“Gonna love you Jen, like no one’s loved you before.” Jared whispered as he nipped down his throat and licked across his chest before rolling his nipple between his teeth.

Jensen was hard, rock hard, on a knife’s edge hard, if he didn’t deep breathe this would be over before Jared even got to the bottom half of his body.

“Jay.” He groaned and Jared just smiled before sliding down lower and pulling Jensen’s cock out from his pants.

“You are so fucking big and beautiful.” Jared moaned and took Jensen into his mouth. Jared made love to his cock, he sucked and licked and nibbled and his hands ran up and down and over and under and everything was being touched all at once and Jensen was arching off the bed. Then suddenly he was coming and Jared pulled back so it went on his hand and Jensen’s stomach. He then licked his hand and leant down to Jensen’s mouth to lick in and kiss hard and open mouthed and dirty. “How fucking good does that taste Jen.” He muttered and then slid his hand through Jensen’s come before using it as a lube, sliding his hand down and under and finding Jensen’s hole. “Babe I’m gonna fuck you so good, so good baby.” He said as he slipped fingers in and out, one then two then three, come wasn’t quite like lube and Jared was being a little rougher than usual but Jensen would take anything at this moment to have his boyfriend in him again.

“Fuck me Jay, forget about all that finger work just fuck me.” Jensen groaned and Jared swiped his hand through the come again, slicked up his cock and slid into Jensen. It was tight, it was burning but fuck it was the best burn Jensen had ever felt and he held onto the bed as Jared pulled back and slammed in again.

“Fuck Jensen you are so good, who knew fucking a guy would be so good, you are so tight, we should do this again.” Jared said and Jensen looked up to see Jared’s eyes closed and his teeth biting into his bottom lip. He was frowning as if concentrating or trying not to come. Jensen shifted his body so all of a sudden Jared was hitting the bundle of nerves that had him hard again and arching towards Jared. Jared gripped his hips and rammed into him over and over until Jensen came hard again. So hard he almost passed out, but he kept it together enough to feel Jared slam into him and stay there, jerking uncontrollably as he shot his load into Jensen.

“Fuck Jay…” Jensen groaned

“Shh don’t tell anyone it will be our secret. It’s ok Jensen I’m sure it doesn’t mean we’re gay.” He said with a smile and rolled over again.

Jensen lay there wide eyed realising that Jared had been asleep, it wasn’t the best session they had ever had, there was no emotion in it really but it was one of the hottest fucks he had ever had and Jared had been dreaming the whole thing, he had just been sleep fucked. He would have put more thought into it if the two mind blowing orgasms hadn’t exhausted him so he pulled his pants up and curled back into Jared to fall asleep again.

He woke the next morning but Jared was still asleep. He took Jared’s swipe card and quietly left the room to go to Jared’s and have a shower and a moment to himself. He was sore this morning but that was to be expected and there was a love bite that may not actually be covered by a shirt but not a big issue since he was married and on hiatus, Danneel could have easily left that mark as far as anyone would know.

He felt at peace though and as he looked at himself in the mirror he knew that he would do anything to get Jared back because after the last two weeks he knew he could not live without him. He would give him time. Back off for a little while or be the friend he needed if he would let him but there was no way this was the end of it for them.

Jensen fully intended to have his cock in Jared’s mouth again and this time it would be intentional and he would be awake.

 

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hang with me...we're getting there...every time I sit down to write with an idea in my mind...my fingers go in a completely different direction. Don't give up on me. And feel free to rant in comments

Jensen walked back into his hotel room to see Jared was still asleep. He was torn between leaving and letting Jared have the space he said he wanted and staying with him until he was no longer needed. He knew Jared was only sleeping peacefully because he knew Jensen was here. Even now, after Jensen had left the bed and the room Jared was still curled in a ball facing where Jensen would be lying and leaving room for Jensen to slide in beside him if he wanted.

It may be considered petty but he felt satisfaction that Jared did not sleep like that with Genevieve. He had woken Jared up numerous times when he was in the bed he shared with his wife and Jared was spread out and taking most of the bed, lying on his stomach so Genevieve could not get close to him. There had even been a couple of times when Jensen had sat on the edge of the bed just to watch his boyfriend sleep and without even waking up Jared had rolled to face him and curl around him. The joy and warmth, as well as arousal, he felt when that happened was indescribable as their two souls called to each other.

He decided to give Jared the space he needed and after finding hotel stationary left him a note…

Babe room’s paid up until tomorrow if you need it.

Don’t forget to check out of your room and please look after yourself.

I’ll ring Gen and let her know you’re ok

JRAx

He then stood there and looked at the peacefully sleeping Jared for a few minutes before walking out of the room. He felt sick to the stomach to be leaving him but if it was Jared wanted he would go along with it, for now.

 

Danneel flopped down beside Jensen and took his hand in hers.

It had been a depressing almost two weeks in their house since Jensen had left the hotel room.

He had been with them physically, playing with JJ, doing things with Danneel, helping around the house and socializing with their other friends but he was not with her mentally.

His beard was getting wilder, almost covering his mouth, he hardly ever smiled, when he did it was usually to be polite and the smile never reached his eyes. Eyes that were shadowed clouded over and always looked like they were a minute away from tears.

Danneel knew Jensen considered himself the adult in his relationship with Jared, even now when they were both in their thirties, mainly because Jared had been so young when they first met and still young of mind when they started their relationship, so he had thought he was doing the right and mature thing walking away from Jared. She now wondered if the Padalecki household was as morose as theirs was.

“So I was thinking…” she said

“Hmmm?” he said distractedly although she didn’t think he was quite with her, if he had ever been in the last two weeks

“I think we should ask Jared and Genevieve over for Father’s Day. Have a family barbeque.”

“What?” he snapped back to the present and tuned into her voice when he heard Jared’s name mentioned

“A Father’s Day Barbeque.”

“I don’t think so hon, they wanted space.”

“Jensen I bet if I drove over to their house right now it would be as ecstatic as this house is at the moment. I don’t know if I can handle another day like this. We have to try and fix this.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt if they say no.”

“I’m a big girl now I think I can handle it but I don’t think Gen will.”

“Whatever.” He said and slid further down in his seat although he kept hold of her hand and squeezed tighter.

 

Later that day Danneel picked up the phone

“Danneel?”

“Hey Gen”

“God you must be psychic I was about to ring you.”

“So how’s everything going?”

“Awesome, you know, if I lived in a funeral parlor.”

“Yeah it’s just as bad over here.”

“So I’m guessing you have a plan to break this impasse?”

“I was ringing to see if you guys wanted to come over for Father’s Day, if you have no plans.”

“My only plan at the moment is to move my husband’s ass off the lounge in the den so we’re in, even if I have to drug him to get him there.”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it…”

“Are you kidding, it’s been killing me not to pick up the phone and ask what the hell! He’s acting like a dumped teenage girl.”

“Yeah Jensen’s miserable.”

“You know I heard you say it and I heard Jared say it that Jensen was his soul mate and I was like really? You’re a grown man talking about soul mates like some kind of teen romance, but I’m beginning to see what you were saying. It’s like the batteries have been removed. He’s flat and there is no light, no smiling, no laughing, hardly any talking, this is not the man I married and I want that man back and I was going to come over there and lock Jared in the house with Jensen if something wasn’t done soon.”

“Yeah I miss my husband too.”

“I really have had time to think Danni, I can’t thank you enough for coming over and talking to me that day and you were right I was acting like a baby but after what I’ve been though over the last two weeks I finally realise what everyone was saying. It’s not a sex thing, it’s not a being unfaithful to me thing and it’s not a not loving me thing, he truly does need Jensen to be at peace and to be happy and it is breaking my heart to see him like this so I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Whatever you need Danni I’m here, I promise, I have missed you guys so much, even Jensen, and I want to get this fixed.”

“Excellent, well we can hang in for a few more days and I’ll see you Father’s Day.”

 

“Babe come on we’re going to be late.” Gen yelled up the stairs

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming I don’t understand why we have to go out today.” Jared grumbled as he came down the stairs in loose fitting jeans, although they were all loose these days, and a loose t-shirt advertising Louden Swain, on a normal visiting day Genevieve would send him back upstairs to change but she didn’t say a word.

“Do you know what day it is?” she asked

“No, should I?”

“Forget it, come on move it.”

She hadn’t told Jared where they were going and it showed how far he had sunk into his own world that he didn’t even remember it was Father’s Day when the kids had been raving about it. She had made the kids promise to keep his presents a secret until this afternoon and hadn’t told them where they were going either because she knew they would run around screaming once they knew they were going to see JJ, they had kept asking about her in the last weeks since they’d gone from seeing her nearly every day to not at all.

Jared put the kids in their car seats, Gen put the basket of food in the boot and then Jared climbed into the passenger seat and slid down looking like a little kid himself. Genevieve decided to take the long way to Jensen’s house, do the block as such, as she turned out the driveway in the other direction Jared looked down and started playing with his phone and didn’t notice that she took three turns before pulling into their driveway. When she turned the car off he looked up

“What are we doing?”

“Told you, going to a friend’s house for a barbeque.”

“Genevieve start the car, we’re leaving.”

“Jared…” before she could go any further Danneel came out with JJ and the boys started yelling and bouncing up and down in their seats, “…are you going to tell them they can’t play with their best friend?”

“Alright I’ll drop you off and come back and get you later.”

“Grow up Jared. We’re a married couple with two kids having a barbeque with their best friends and the kid’s best friend. You split up with him. If he is man enough to be here tonight I think you can be don’t you. Geez you’ve been sulking around the house for two weeks, I need some fun and so does Danni. Get out of the car.”

Jared climbed out of the car and JJ came running over to him

“Hey beautiful.” He said with a smile as he bent down to pick her up

“Happy father day Unca Jared.” She said and gave him a kiss on the cheek and Jared’s eyes flew to Genevieve’s.

“Yep and you almost ruined it for your kids.” She said before she bent down into the car to get the boys out. As soon as the boys were out of the car they were running into the house with JJ while Genevieve followed at a more leisurely pace.

“Hey Danni.” Jared said with a small smile as he scooped her up into a hug

“Hey Jar, missed you.” She whispered and turned to walk into the house.

“Yeah you too.”

“Hey Jay happy father’s day.” Jensen said as he came walking up to him and handed him a beer as he gave him a slap on the back

“Ah yeah you too. I, ah, actually kinda forgot.” Jared said awkwardly

“So did I. Other things on my mind but let’s make it good for the kids now.” He said with a smile and walked off.

All the adults sat around and chatted and gossiped while the kids ran around the back yard. Thomas and Shep had given Jared gifts of paintings and pottery hand prints and Jensen had got a painted mug, both of them gushed over their presents and then, after much persuading by the kids and the wives climbed into the pool so the kids could play. It was a leisurely afternoon that seemed to go quite smoothly if you ignored that Jared seemed to be tense and flinched every time Jensen came near him. Eventually the wives scooped the kids out of the pool to dress them before they had dinner, giving the men some time to themselves before the adults had dinner.

 Jared had scooped up all the toys lying around and placed them back in their box, mainly to keep busy and not have to look at Jensen and was now flopped in a lounger and Jensen handed him a beer before sliding into the one next to him.

“How you doing Jay?” Jensen asked as he looked out at the pool

“Ah yeah, ok I guess.” He said as he took a swig

“Two weeks man, two weeks then we start filming again.”

“Yeah this summer has kinda gone quick but also dragged out. I can’t explain it.”

“Yeah I know, it’s been a weird one. Anyway you can relax but I’m heading up next week.”

“What? Why?” Jared freaked out and his heart palpitated. They may have split up, he may have instigated it, but the only thing keeping him relatively sane was the fact that Jensen was just down the road.

“Since I’m directing I need to go up and get things set up, sorted out and to be honest man I need the breathing space.”

“What?”

“Danni has been just watching me, I don’t know, waiting for me to crack or something, I just need to get away from it, I know that sounds terrible, sometimes I feel like such a shit dad, I’m hardly ever here but the pressure when I am…”

“Dude you’re talking to the guy who tried to run away weeks ago, I know exactly what you mean.”

“It’d break her heart if she knew I felt like that.”

“Dude who’m I gonna tell? Geez Jen I can still keep secrets you know.”

They sat drinking their beer and casually talking about the next season, what they thought might happen and who might be back. Jensen got up to wonder around the yard and Jared watched him from under his eyelashes. He was beautiful and so graceful with his movements. Jared felt himself stir and took a swig of beer before looking away.

He was still hurt from waking up in the hotel and finding himself alone with a note from Jensen just reminding him to check out. He wasn’t even sure if Jensen had stayed at all, he knew he had lain beside him to help him get to sleep but Jared was pretty sure he left pretty much straight away. Which was probably a good thing since Jared vaguely remembered having a porn movie dream and woke up naked and lighter in his balls, so obviously his dick and his hand had had a great party while he was passed out. He knew it would happen, being in close proximity to Jensen and his smell and his warmth and not being able to touch or taste was bound to wind him up, he felt like he had before they started their relationship, wound up, sexually frustrated and could come with just a vision, especially when that vision was Jensen’s ass.

Now he sighed and leaned back on the lounger, closing his eyes to the image in front of him in damp swimming trunks moulded to his gorgeous ass and thick thighs and his shirtless chest scattered with freckles. He heard Jensen place another beer next to him before the lounger next to his squeaked, letting him know Jensen had sat back down again, he sighed and felt himself relax as he listened to Jensen breathe.

 

When the wives came out an hour later the men had fallen asleep and were lying there, each with one arm stuck out as if reaching for the other, their fingers were missing each other’s by mere millimeters.

“Thank God.” Danneel whispered

“Well that’s the calmest I’ve seen Jared since he came back.”

“Guys who’s cooking.” Danneel said louder and they both started as they woke up.

“I’ll cook just let me get dressed.” Jensen said as he rubbed his eyes

“I’ll come with to get dressed and help you cook.” Jared stretched

Jared walked into ‘their bedroom’ to get dressed as Jensen headed to the main bedroom. He stood under the shower for longer then he should have trying to calm himself down from being so close to Jensen. He was hard but he was not going to do anything about it. When he came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel Jensen was standing there in low hanging jeans and a tight white shirt, stuck to his still damp chest, Jared growled deep in his throat and Jensen’s eyebrows went up.

“Sorry man you just scared me, didn’t expect you…”

“What? To come into my bedroom in my house?”

“Yeah whatever, I won’t be long.”

“Actually I was thinking maybe we should kinda tidy ourselves up for the girls. I know I’m looking like Grizzly Adams and you aint lookin much better at the moment.”

“Yeah I guess I have been a little slack.”

“Come on.” Jensen said and headed back into the bathroom

“Jen I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Come on Jay you know you’re no good at doing yourself.” Jensen said and Jared sighed before heading back into the bathroom where Jensen pulled the electric clippers out of a drawer

Jared had just found this year’s description for personal torture. Standing there only in a towel while Jensen stood very close to him clipping his facial hair. Jensen smelled of his shampoo and shower gel and just the scent Jared related to his boyfriend. He had rested on the bench and spread his legs like he usually did so Jensen could step between them and reach his face and now Jared had to close his eyes, deep breathe and think of some of the goriest things he had seen on set so he didn’t get a hard on that would push against Jensen’s leg and let him know how he really felt.

“Jared?” Jensen muttered and he opened his eyes to look into those gorgeous green eyes in the face covered with freckles and the pink lips poking through Jensen’s facial hair

“Yeah?” he whispered

“Don’t try and hide it, I can’t.” Jensen whispered and Jared’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked down at the bulge in Jensen’s jeans.

“I’m sorry, I knew this was a bad idea.” Jared muttered and tried to step up and away from Jensen

“Hey it was bound to happen, our bodies still recognise each other. You go get dressed while I shave me now.”

“Here let me.” Jared whispered and his fingers brushed against Jensen’s as he took the shaver from him.

“Are you sure?”

“Just like old times.” Jared whispered although ‘old times’ had only been last summer when they used to manscape each other. Jensen sat up on the bench and without thinking rested his hands on Jared’s hips like he always used to do.

“Jen” Jared sighed

“Sorry wasn’t thinking.” Jensen said and took them away

“No, leave them there.” Jared whispered before clasping Jensen’s face in his hands and gently moving it around as he clipped it.

“Fuck.” Jensen groaned deep in his throat and his grip tightened on Jared’s skin.

“Shh babe, it’s ok, I’m almost done.” Jared whispered and after finishing leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss across Jensen’s lips before stepping away and walking into the bedroom.

Jared unwrapped his towel and brushed hair off him with it before reaching for his clothes again. Jensen came out at the same time and pulled off his shirt that was itchy with hair and reached into their wardrobe for another shirt, a black partner to the white one he just removed. As Jared pulled up his jeans he had to adjust himself to a more comfortable position and Jensen smiled as he did the same in the jeans he was wearing.

“What do you say we go cook our women a barbeque.” He smiled and for the first time in a month Jared returned a natural smile as he followed him out of the room.

 

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

The kids had been bathed and put to bed and the couples were now enjoying glasses of wine while preparing dinner. Jared and Jensen were manning the barbeque while the wives were inside preparing salads. Danneel winked at Genevieve as she went and slipped an IPod into the stereo system. As the music started playing both Jared and Jensen froze and looked up.

She had slipped in Jensen’s playlist and they had both tensed because it was a list created by both of the men to have in the car on the way to and from set or in whichever trailer they were in. It was a very eclectic mix of music with both Jared and Jensen liking classic rock but Jensen also leaning towards country while Jared kept up to date with the latest hits.

As the girls carried plates and cutlery out to the table ‘Ready to Roll’ by Blake Shelton came on and Jensen started singing along with it. Jared smiled and gave Jensen a nudge with his shoulder. It was a familiar tune to both of them and Jared was used to Jensen singing it as they headed home on a Friday night after a hard week at work. Genevieve listened to the words as she watched Jensen practically serenade her husband. It seemed appropriate for them and their careers.

Now she was aware of the relationship she took more notice of the two of them together. How close they stood. How they seemed to move together as if completely synchronized and how some part of them always seemed to be touching. Jared would hand Jensen whatever he needed without Jensen gesturing or saying it and Jensen just reached over and handed Jared a beer as he took the last mouthful without even looking in his direction.

‘Jealous’ by Nick Jonas then came on and Jensen burst out laughing and slapped Jared on the back as Jared tensed then relaxed and started singing along to the song. Jared wasn’t a singer like Jensen but he could hold his own and held tune to the song really well while Jensen just smiled and leaned into him. They had laughed about this song in Vegas, it had been an on stage joke but what the fans didn’t know was Jared had added it to the playlist after a long day and night of watching Jensen slash Dean get up close and personal with Misha slash Castiel. It had been a fight scene but there had been a lot of touching and Misha getting in Jensen’s personal space with the graceful choreography and Jared had to stand on the sideline and watch it all go down, watch Misha have his hands all over and around Jensen and his jaw had been sore from clenching his teeth by the end of the day. Jensen had been exhausted by the end of filming, both physically and mentally but he also knew the torment Jared had gone through so when they got home he showed Jared in a hard and fast and rough way who his heart and his body belonged to. Misha probably had no idea how many times sex had stopped him getting punched in the face by one or both of them.

“It’s fascinating to watch isn’t it?” Danneel whispered in her ear as she came out of the house to catch Genevieve staring.

“This is a lame analogy but I keep thinking of the Twilight book ‘you’re like magnets. Whenever you move, he moves’, that’s what I feel like I’m watching here and I’m a little jealous.”

“Yeah but you’ll get that back once this is sorted, well not that, no relationship in real life is like these two but you’ll get the comfortableness and moving together back eventually. And you get to be a part of that.” She said as she gestured towards the men.

‘Cherry Pie’ blared out of the radio and Jensen put down the tongs to whisk Danneel into his arms and dance around with her. She giggled and threw her hair back as she went along for the ride and Geneveive went over and slid her hand into Jared’s. Jared didn’t dance, Genevieve knew that and was happy just stand on the sidelines and watch the show in front of her.

“How you doing babe?” she asked

“Yeah ok, you ok? I know it’s been a shitty couple of weeks.”

“Yeah it has but it looks like things are getting better between you and Jensen.”

“Yeah I think we’re slowly building our friendship back up.” He said with a smile as he scooped her in and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

Genevieve relaxed and smiled, this right here was the most he had touched or acknowledged her in the last two weeks.

They sat down to dinner and conversation flowed easly. They discussed the kids, the start of filming, and sport with the ladies soccer world cup coming on, friends and just general conversation. In fact Jared had been half way through a story about Mark Sheppard when ‘Nobody but me” by Blake Shelton came on and he stopped dead. Genevieve looked up and saw him looking down at his plate and gripping his cutlery while Jensen had also frozen with a piece of steak half way to his mouth.

“Excuse me.” Jared said quietly and got up and went into the house. A minute later the song was changed and Jared disappeared upstairs.

Jared went into their bedroom to the bathroom to splash water on his face and look at himself in the mirror. ‘You can do this’, ‘you can do this’, he muttered to himself as he looked into his own eyes. He felt more relaxed then he had in weeks but he also felt the tension starting to build, it was like a knot in his stomach, his body feeling an anticipation for something that was not going to eventuate and he was starting to tremble with the exertion of keeping it all bottled up.

“Jay?” his voice asked quietly

“In here.” He sighed, he should have known it would be him to come and look for him, Genevieve probably didn’t even pick up on the distress he felt when that song came on.

“You right?” he asked as he leaned against the door frame between bedroom and bathroom

“Yeah just needed a minute.”

“We might need to update the play list huh?” he said with a half-smile

“Jen if we take off songs that mean something to what we used to be neither of us will be able to listen to any music we like ever again. We’ll have to switch to heavy metal or show tunes.” He smirked and Jensen laughed

“Yeah you’re right.”

“You know one day we’ll look back and smile when we hear the songs but for now it’s just a little raw, for you too.”

“Come on I’ve got the remote for that damn system now so we can change the song without you having to flee the room.”

“Missed you…missed this.” Jared said quietly with a smile

“Yeah me too.” Jensen smiled and turned and walked away. If he hadn’t he would have walked into the bathroom, brushed his boyfriend’s hair off his face and sucked his lips in for a soft and romantic kiss. Nothing hard, nothing hot, that would have come later, this would have been just a gentle reminder of what was to follow.

After dinner the group sat around outside enjoying the warm breeze and the sound of cicadas in the trees. They had fairy lights lit up around the yard and lanterns burning to keep the insects away so the atmosphere was unintentionally intimate. They were quiet now with just sporadic bursts of conversation or comments and the music was playing quietly in the background. The girls were still on wine but the boys had switched to whiskey and Jared was feeling a warm buzz. Then Jared’s worst fear of tonight happened, there were over three hundred songs on their play list and he had prayed like hell this wouldn’t come up but apparently God was not listening tonight because ‘To make me feel your love’ by Garth Brooks crooned out of the speakers. Jared let out a sharp laugh that almost sounded like a sob and Jensen sighed before putting down his crystal tumbler

“Jay?” he whispered as he stood up and walked over to him

“Jen no.” his voice broken

“Please” he looked deep into his eyes and Jared could see tears welling. He lifted up his hand and let Jensen pull him out of the chair. Jensen led him out into the middle of the grass before wrapping his arms around him and Jared put his head on Jensen’s shoulder as they swayed to the music.

“What…?” Genevieve went to ask

“Shh, one of their songs.” Danneel whispered and went back to watching the men dance. She would have loved to have taken a photo of this moment, hopefully the moment everything was going to turn around, but with all the hackers around today she couldn’t risk having that image on her phone

“One of them?” Genevieve whispered back

“This is the song Jensen used to sing to Jared when they were in the whole what do we do situation. It was a huge decision for them to go into this relationship. The funny thing for them was saying I love you was the easy part. They knew half way through season three but they debated it for months due to the Warner Brothers policies and all the staff and crew and other actors that were relying on the show for an income. They didn’t just go ‘Ooh I want to do you let’s go for it’ they knew what they had was more than a one night stand or sexual experimentation and there was a lot of anger and tears and resentment towards the show before they came to the decision that they couldn’t be without each other and they had to risk it for their sanity. I don’t think anyone knows how close they were to losing the show seven years ago. These boys took a huge risk but also decided that if it came out, they wouldn’t tell anyone, but if it came out, they would walk away to stay together. It was huge for them which is why I was surprised when Jared split up with Jensen now, over something that was relatively small in everything they have been through.” Danneel said as she played with the remote in her hand. As the song faded out and Jared went to pull away ‘Thinking out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran came on and Jensen pulled Jared in close again

“The other song?” Genevieve asked

“Yep” she replied with a smile.

“It’s kind of weird to be sitting here watching this. Part of me is cringing and thinking what the hell but the other part can see how happy and relaxed Jared is at the moment. Is there even a word to describe feeling happy and jealous at the same time?”

“Hopefully this will be a regular occurrence and hopefully you’ll get used to it. I mean it’s never in your face and most of the time they are up in Vancouver, this is the most intimate I have seen them with each other since they first started the relationship. Back then they stumbled around blindly figuring what they could and couldn’t do, now they have it down to an art form and I’m glad they feel they can relax enough to do this out in the open in front of us. This is a huge compliment Gen, they trust us and want to share this moment with us.” She said as she smiled at the silhouettes of these two overgrown men swaying in the dusk.

Jensen had his arms around Jared’s shoulders while his head rested on top of Jared’s and Jared had his arms around Jensen’s waist while his head rested on his shoulder. Jared hardly breathed but when he did he deeply inhaled Jensen’s smell. His shampoo, his deodorant, his after shave that he wore and just the smell of Jensen. It was like coming home and he gripped his knuckles tighter into Jensen’s shirt on his hips as he tried to restrain himself

“Shh.” Jensen whispered in his ear and Jared shivered as the warm air tickled him. “Jay.” Jensen let out a little moan as the shiver seemed to carry through his own body making his cock twitch.

“Jen.” Jared sighed as he felt him stirring

“Shh it’s ok, just ignore it, it’ll go away.”

“Ha ha.” Jared said the words, didn’t laugh them as he turned his hips slightly so Jensen could feel him against his thigh.

“Crap.” Jensen all but quietly groaned, “Maybe this wasn’t…”

“Shh.” Jared smiled and pulled him in closer to continue swaying. Nothing more.

Then the song changed to ‘See you Again’ by Wiz Khalifa and Jensen stepped back, “What do you say we dance with our women?” and went over to scoop Danneel up.

Jared went over and took Genevieve’s hand and pulled her up and out onto the grass

“Are you ok?” she asked as he pulled her in close

“Yeah I’m fine.” He muttered as he tucked her into him

“Jared are you hard?” she shock whispered in his ear

“Don’t worry babe it’ll go away in a minute.” He said but stepped back so his hips weren’t brushing against her

“No I just thought…well you know…you broke up.”

“Not because I stopped caring Gen, because it got too hard.”

“So you do still love him?”

“Is this turning into an argument?” he asked as he frowned down at her

“God no I just didn’t realise. I thought you split up with him because it was over and you just needed time to get over that, I didn’t realise you were in pain because you still loved him. I feel like such a bitch right now.”

“Shh Gen it’s ok, you didn’t know any of this and you’ve just learned it all and despite everything we have been through in the last month I am so proud of you and how you have taken it.”

“I carried on like a thirteen year old.”

“Yeah you yelled and swore and made gay jokes, at least you didn’t go out and screw total strangers to get over it.”

“I can hear you you know.” Danneel said

“I’m just saying.” He said with a smile as he looked over Genevieve’s head at Danneel and winked, she knew he was kidding.

‘Shake if Off’ by Taylor Swift came on and both men groaned while the women chanted “Do it , do it, do it”. They had

enough whiskey in their systems to start doing the Parody dance and then started taking the piss out of the other actors to appear on the clip also. The most laughed at was the tragedy of Misha trying to dance and Jensen imitating it to a tee.

 

At the end of the night Jared and Jensen each scooped up a sleeping boy and put them in the car seats. Genevieve hugged Danneel and even gave Jensen an awkward back pat, Jared scooped Danni up into a big hug before she screamed for the big oaf to put her down.

“So Jen don’t work too hard up there.” Jared said as he turned to face him. Danneel moved over to talk to Genevieve again, organize a play date for the kids

“When are you coming up? He asked casually

“Shit, what are we going to do about the house?” Jared gasped as he just realised they lived together.

“Jay there are four bedrooms in the house, I think we’re good dude, I’ll get it sorted.”

“I think I need to stay here for a bit with Genevieve and the boys. I think we’re getting back to a good place right now so I’d like to spend a bit more time with her.”

“I get it. I’ll miss you. Can’t remember the last time I was up there by myself.”

“I’ll be up before you even notice, what’s a week between friends?” he smiled

“Well last month I would have said nothing, this month I would say it’s life changing.” Jensen said quietly

“Jen?” Jared said sadly

“Shh.” Jensen said and stepped forward to brush his lips against Jared’s lips.

“I’m sorry.”

“And I said shh.” He smiled and brushed his lips again. Jared couldn’t help himself and he opened his mouth to have Jensen dip his tongue in and taste him for the first time in weeks. They kissed slowly and delicately, nothing long and hard, just dipping in and out, taking sips of each other’s heat and flavor.

“Jen we’re making out in front of our wives.” Jared muttered between kisses

“Damn it. Picked a fine time to start kissing me again.” He said as he leaned his forehead on Jared’s and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” Jared said again but this time he was smiling

“If you wanna go you’re going to have to remove your hands.” Jensen muttered and Jared sighed as he removed his hands from Jensen’s hips where he had been holding him in place

“Night Jen.”

“Night Jay, see you up there.” He said with a smile as he stepped back and Danneel walked over and stood beside him slipping her hand into his.

Jared climbed into the car and Genevieve started driving the few minutes down the road

“Maybe I shouldn’t be driving” she muttered

“Why?” Jared asked surprised

“Well I think I must be drunk cause babe watching you two make out just then was hotter than any gay porn I have ever seen.” She said and Jared let out a shocked laugh as she pulled into their driveway.

They took the kids upstairs to their rooms and made sure they were settled and Jared met her in the hallway as she came out of Shep’s room

“So babe how hot?” he whispered as he pushed her gently against the wall

“Really?” she gasped at the feeling of Jared against her again

“Really.” He said with a smile as he lent down to kiss her. Just gently, reintroducing himself to her lips and her taste

“You smell like him you know.” She whispered as she moved her neck so he could nibble down it and she felt his lips move, “Why are you smiling?”

“Because Jensen is always saying I smell like you. Do you want me to stop?” he asked as he lifted his head about one inch from her throat and waited for her reply while breathing warm air onto her skin.

“Hell no.” she said and gave a quiet squeal as he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom.

 

“Hi Danneel” Genevieve said picking up the phone

“So’d you get lucky last night?” She asked with a smile

“Oh my God between you and me I can hardly walk today.”

“I know, Jensen and I haven’t been like that in months.”

“So what? We lucked out because they turned each other on and then left it at that?”

“Hey first up I don’t think so I think they’re just starting to feel happy again and secondly who cares if they did, we got to reap the benefits.”

“That we did Danni, that we did.” She giggled and hung up the phone

 

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

The next couple of days could be considered idyllic to Jared if you ignored the fact that Jensen was in the back of his mind the whole time.

He and Genevieve and the kids went out on the boat and kayaking and he had the joy of walking the kids to school each day but he also felt bad that Jensen was up in Vancouver, by himself, working and trying to sort out their living arrangements.

In the past when Jensen was directing Jared had gone up there with him and while Jensen had prepped for the episode Jared had cooked for him and hung out with him to keep him company and had been there each night to listen to him talk and map out plans, Jensen said he felt like a kid pretending to do a grown up’s job when he was directing and wondered if the crew were just humoring him in allowing him to do it since he was one of the stars of the show. He had then be there to climb into bed with Jensen and hold him and put his mind at ease until the next morning.

Now he was worried Jensen was up there by himself stressing, not having anyone to talk to and not sleeping at night because he couldn’t turn his mind off.

He had been sitting in the den listening to the radio when one of Ed Sheeran’s new songs came on and Jared listened to every word of ‘Photograph’ and it made him miss Jensen even more. Genevieve walked past and looked in and his face must have mirrored some of his thoughts…

“If you don’t want to go up there yet Jared why don’t you just ring him and make sure he’s ok?”

“He’s so busy when he’s prepping, I don’t want to disturb him”

“I’m pretty sure he’d take your call babe.”

Jared had had time over the last couple of days, now everything had settled down with Genevieve, to realise he had fucked up royally. He had been exhausted and sick and stressed from not having anyone to talk to when he came home from Switzerland and he had completely blown it out his ass by splitting up with Jensen. He had bottled up all his hurt, all his pain and his anger and when Jensen came back had hit him over the head with that bottle. He had always said Jensen had more power than anyone to hurt and him and he knew it was the same for him and now Jared was feeling sick for the pain he had put him through and he also knew he had made a huge mistake and was going to do everything in his power to convince Jensen to give them another go. He was an idiot, he would not be surprised if Jensen told him to fuck off and he was stressing at the moment, worried that Jensen was enjoying his time alone up in Vancouver, realizing he didn’t need Jared and maybe even looking for a house of his own after hours.

In fact Jared’s head was spinning with all the things that could be happening up there while he was not there and he was starting to freak out a little. Without even thinking he dialed Jensen’s number…

“Hey Jay everything ok?” Jensen’s voice asked calmly down the line

“Yeah, hi, I was thinking…just wondering…sigh…I was just ringing to make sure you were ok.” Jared stuttered out

“I’m fine Jay everything’s going ok up here. Getting ready to film.”

“Can you get away from everyone for a sec?” Jared asked as he recognized Jensen’s ‘in a group’ voice

“Well I am kinda in the middle of something…”

“Just for five secs, please Jen” Jared said quietly and heard Jensen sigh and then a door open

“What’s up Jay?’ he asked a few seconds later

“I really am just ringing to make sure you’re alright. I know you stress when you’re directing.”

“Yeah it is stressful…and you know I don’t have…well you know”

“Don’t have me there to bounce ideas off.”

“I can do this by without you you know.”

“Don’t go quoting Dean lines to me Ackles.” Jared said with a smile

“Jesus it fascinates me that you remember one random line of mine from what? Nine years ago? When I can’t even remember last season’s finale.”

“Are you really doing ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine Jay, it’s the fifth time I’ve done this so it feels more comfortable each time.”

“Look I know I’m down here but call me, any time, if you need to talk or bounce ideas, I mean it.”

“What else Jay, I know there’s something else on your mind.”

“I just freaked myself out panicking that you might be up there looking at other houses.”

“No Jay I’m in our bed tossing and turning because I’m not used to being in it alone and I’m prepping so I don’t have time to do anything else at the moment.”

“And if you did have time?”

“I’d be making silly phone calls like you’re making right now. I’m not going anywhere just yet Jared, we’ll see how we go when you get up here and we’ll go from there. Just relax it’s all good. But I gotta go.”

“Call me if you need to talk.”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.” Jared whispered but Jensen had already hung up.

Hearing his voice again only strengthened Jared’s resolution, and hearing Jensen saying he was still sleeping in their bed, kind of gave him hope that Jensen still felt the same way he did a month ago. Jared was going to have to work his ass off to show Jensen that he still loved him but he was up for the challenge.

 

After yet another night of tossing and turning Jensen took himself to the studios. He felt a little lighter in his step after talking to Jared yesterday, like he could see light at the end of the tunnel, maybe not back to where they were, but at least back to being friends and comfortable around each other.

As he walked into the studios he was handed a box and he opened it as he walked to his make shift office but stopped dead in the hallway when he saw what was inside. There was no card, no signature of who sent it but Jensen knew straight away and his chest tightened as his heart flipped, Jared. Inside the box was eight red roses. Yes eight, one for each letter of the words _I Love You_. He remembered early on in their budding relationship Jared setting up a vase with eight red roses in Jensen’s trailer. Jensen had made a comment about Jared not thinking he was worth the full dozen and Jared had replied that this was more romantic because it actually meant something, what the hell did a dozen roses symbolize anyway? Jensen asked him how many times had he used that cheap trick to get out of buying the full dozen and Jared had replied never before, he had never loved anyone enough before to understand the significance. Jensen had smiled and pulled him in for a soft kiss. This was the time before they had even contemplated the logistics of how they were going to make love and had only gotten to the kissing and touching phase, taking it slow as good southern gentlemen did.

Jensen had a flash back to those days. It had been an insane combination of perfect relationship and frustration at wanting someone but not sure how to go about it. He and Jared were now sharing a house due to Jensen losing his accommodation and it had been both awesome and torture.

He and Jared would talk for hours, sometimes all night, about their families or their past. They had talked before, with all the long hours they spent together on set, but now the stories were more intimate, secrets shared, deeper, darker fears expressed and they had held hands and kissed and cuddled.

But there was also the torture of watching Jared work out, sweat dampened shirts sticking to his flush skin, there was the torture of watching Jared walk around in a towel after showering or in his soft and cling to his ass sleep pants and the pure torture of Jared after a few drinks getting huggy and handsy and clinging like a sloth as he trusted Jensen to look after him and get him into bed.

Then came the season three end of season party, or as Jared liked to call it, the night tequila made them it’s bitches. They had been riding the high you get from a new relationship, their friendship was perfect and Supernatural had been given another season so they were already giddy before the tequila was brought out and things had gone downhill rapidly from there. Jared was a cheap drunk and although Jensen was pretty far gone he had enough sense still left in his head to get them out of there when Jared got a glint in his eye and started acting overly friendly to him.

“Ok guys looks like it’s time to go Jared’s starting to hug everyone.” Jensen laughed as Jared hung off him and Cliff and he dragged Jared out to the car.

Once in the car Jared got all touchy, feely and Jensen had to keep pushing him away and holding him still so their secret wasn’t revealed to Cliff. In the end he ended up swearing at Jared and telling him to just ‘fucking sit still’ which had worked, a little too well, since Jared had slid over to the far side of the back seat and looked out the window.

Cliff dropped them off, Jared walked up the path, with Jensen following, and threw open the front door, Jensen was two steps behind Jared so as soon as he was inside he slammed the door closed, swung Jared around and pushed him up against the wall. Jared had gasped at the surprise of it but Jensen just inhaled that gasp and more as, for the first time, his tongue went further than Jared’s lips, and dipped in and tasted the heat and essence of Jared mixed with tequila and lime. It was an intoxicating flavor and Jensen didn’t think he would ever get enough as he drank and drank from Jared. If there was one thing Jared wasn’t, that was a slow learner, he was very quickly on the same page as Jensen and soon his tongue was dueling with Jensen’s as they drank from each other.

“Fuck Jay.” Jensen growled as Jared spread his legs and pulled Jensen into him, letting Jensen feel how turned on he was

“Jen what are we gonna do, I need you, I need to feel the weight of you on me.” Jared said between nibbles up and down Jensen’s neck

“Jay you gotta stop…” Jensen started to say but when Jared licked over the shell of his ear his words turned to a groan and Jared had to catch him to stop him sliding to the floor

“Really? The ear? I’ll have to remember that.” Jared purred as he started kissing down the other side of his neck and undoing his shirt buttons.

“We haven’t talked…we’re not ready….fffuuuccckkk” Jensen groaned even deeper as Jared ran his tongue across Jensen’s nipple

“Jen please can we find a bed, or a couch or even a fucking bean bag because my legs aren’t gonna keep us upright for much longer.” Jared muttered between kisses on Jensen’s very swollen and very pink lips.

“Jay?” Jensen asked tentatively and Jared pulled back to look deep into emerald eyes

“I know we’re not ready for that Jen but there is other stuff we can do or are you telling me you’re not fucking as turned on as I am.” Jared said as he slid his hand over the front of Jensen’s jeans, rubbing across the obvious arousal.

“Fuck this, my room now.” Jensen growled and spun Jared around and pushed him down the hall.

Once in the room Jensen started to pull his shirt off but Jared grabbed his hands

“Jay what the fuck.”

“Shhh Jen it’s ok, just breathe.” Jared whispered between soft kisses to his lips

“Don’t tell me you’re fucking backing out.” Jensen was almost frantic with need

“No but Jen this is it, not our first time, first time but the first time that…you know…I want to enjoy every single second of you.”

“You are fucking gonna kill me Jay.” Jensen said as he rested his forehead against Jared’s.

“Yeah but what a way to go.” Jared smiled before sliding his hands up Jensen’s chest and under the shirt he had already unbuttoned before sliding it off. He then lowered his head and dropped kisses down his throat and across his chest before lightly flicking a nipple with his tongue. Jensen’s legs gave way and Jared caught him with a quiet laugh before pushing him down onto the bed.

“Take your shirt off.” Jensen growled

“Ha getting all cocky now you’re lying down.” Jared smiled showing his gorgeous white teeth and adorable dimples but then he slowly started unbuttoning his shirt before sliding it down his body

“Now get over here so I can taste you.” Jensen growled and Jared kicked his shoes off before climbing onto the bed and lying on his side resting his head in his hand. They just lay there for a moment staring into each other’s eyes. “Jared you are so beautiful.” Jensen eventually sighed

“You lie.”

“No I don’t but I think it’s even more beautiful you don’t see it.” Jensen said and leaned forward to softly kiss his boyfriend again. His boyfriend, he smiled, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of saying that, even if it was to only a very few people.

He leaned in again and when he did Jared wrapped his hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and pulled Jensen as he lay down, pulling Jensen on top of him.  He then spread his legs so Jensen was nestled intimately against him and they both let out moans.

From there gentle went out the window. Jensen ate at Jared’s mouth and Jared opened up and let him taste and take anything he wanted. Tongues wrestled, teeth clashed, blood could be tasted from someone’s lip but neither of them cared. Jensen then slid down and started biting and nibbling and sucking his way down Jared’s neck and across his clavicle before biting down hard. Jared arched off the bed with a loud swear word

“Sorry babe did that hurt.”

“Fuck hurt.” Jared growled and wrapped his legs around Jensen’s waist pulling him taut against his erection

“Fuck Jay how big are you?” Jensen asked as he wiggled his hips and felt the size of Jared against his stomach and his leg

“I guess you’ll soon find out.” Jared smirked and Jensen leaned down to kiss that smile off his face, he then continued on his journey Jared had interrupted. He went to the clavicle he had bitten and saw his teeth marks, not only did he not feel bad about it he felt a sense of power and possessiveness to see that he had marked this man as his. He wanted his marks all over him so everyone knew that he belonged to him, and he placed his mouth back on the teeth marks and suckled and licked until Jared was purring and grabbing onto Jensen’s hair. Jensen then moved his way down to this beautiful chiseled chest. He had little hair and his six pack was pronounced and Jensen ran his tongue down the length of it before running it back up and sucking in a nipple. Jared almost jack knifed off the bed and the only thing stopping Jensen falling on the ground was his boyfriend’s quick reflexes.

“Holy mother of…” Jared ground out between gritted teeth

“Guess I found one of your spots hey Jay?” Jensen smiled and continued nipping, licking and kissing his way across Jared’s chest and stomach

“Jen.”

“Hmmm?”

“Hang on.”

“What? Why?” he whispered about a second before Jared flipped them.

“Get ready to feel what I feel.” Jared said with a smile before taking Jensen’s arms and putting them above his head. “Let’s see how long you can go without touching.” Jared smiled and slid down.

Jared nibbled down Jensen’s neck and suckled on his Adam’s apple. Jensen had never had that done before and never even heard of it and decided the male population was missing out because it was pretty spectacular and a little ticklish. Jared then moved down and mimicked what Jensen had done. He licked, he nibbled, he sucked one of Jensen’s nipples into his mouth and rolled it between his teeth which left Jensen swearing profusely and arching off the bed as he grabbed handfuls of Jared’s hair and held him right where he wanted him

“Well that didn’t take long.” Jared smiled between kisses.

Jensen felt him pause and take a breath and was about to ask what was wrong when he felt his hands slide down and undo Jensen’s button before slowly, painfully slow, sliding down his zipper

“Jay?”

“Shh I just want to take a peek. See what I’m getting myself in for.” He whispered as he ran his hand up and down Jensen’s length through his jeans. He then looked up and into Jensen’s eyes, silently asking a question, or permission. Jensen just looked back and nodded.

Jared rose up and licked into Jensen before sucking in his bottom lip and rolling it between his teeth. He then slid back down and pulled Jensen’s jeans down, with the help of Jensen raising his hips. After his jeans and boxers had been pulled down there was silence for twenty-two seconds, Jensen knows, he counted every second. He started to tense and feel uncomfortable and was about to push Jared off and pull up his jeans when Jared let out a moan that Jensen could feel though his whole body

“Jen this is the most beautiful fucking thing I have ever seen.” Jared said reverently before leaning down and kissing the tip of his cock. His cock that was as hard as marble and glistening with pre come. Jared brushed his lips across it once, twice before running his tongue down the crack, licking up the glistening cream. “Jen tell me you won’t freak out if I tell you you have to taste this man.” Jared said as he came up to Jensen and licked into his mouth. Jensen was in shock, Jared was feeding him the taste of himself but rather than disgusting him Jensen thought he got even harder if that was even possible, and grabbed Jared’s head to hold him still while he licked and sucked the taste of himself out his mouth

“Fuck Jay.” Jensen said and continued kissing him while Jared undid his own jeans and pushed them and his boxers down.

Jensen shuddered and was surprised he didn’t come on the spot when he felt the silk of Jared’s cock rub against his. Jared stayed up with him, kissing him and licking into his mouth and nibbling down his throat and all Jensen could do was wrap his legs around Jared’s waist and grip onto his hips as Jared slid up and down so their two cocks were rubbing against each other and throbbing together. Pelvis to pelvis riding out the storm, Jensen could feel the tickle of orgasm right at the base of his cock, it was close but still something…and even as he had that thought Jared put his hand between the two of them and scooped up both cocks and they were warm and pushed together and tight in his grip and Jensen let out a curse to the universe before pumping into Jared’s hand and coming all over him and his stomach, he hadn’t even finished his swear word before Jared too was exploding all over the both of them.

“Shit.” Jared muttered, trembling and Jensen put his hands up to brush his boyfriend’s hair out of his face.

He just held his face between his hands and looked into those beautiful eyes that were so far gone they were more demon black than their usual hazel, “That was fucking incredible.” Jensen whispered, “You are so fucking beautiful.”

“I love you Jen. I love you and that was fucking amazing but if this is far as we ever go I will be completely happy with that.” Jared said and leaned down to kiss and nibble at his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Can you move? Do you want to shower?

“No and yes” Jared sighed

“We made a bit of a mess here.”

“So my bed tonight?” Jared smiled as he slid off Jensen and tried to roll off the bed without making too much more of a mess.

“Sounds good to me.” Jensen sighed and Jared put his hand out to pull Jensen off the bed. They then climbed into the shower together and brushed their teeth before going upstairs and falling into Jared’s bed

“We’ll work it out Jay.” Jensen mumbled almost asleep as he ran his fingers through Jared’s hair.

They had talked about it and both of them knew they could not quite comprehend anal sex. They loved each other and knew they wanted to be together physically as well as spiritually but years of church and southern upbringings had them hitting a brick wall. Jensen had said, right at the beginning, that they would work through this and figure this out together and not keep secrets and both of them admitted that they needed time to come to terms with that but Jensen felt tonight had been a huge step in that direction. Jared had had his cock in his hand, Jared had licked it and tasted it and then shared that taste with Jensen. He loved the man wrapped in his arms and he wanted to do it all with Jared. They would probably get there eventually but right now he felt fucking fantastic.

 

Jensen came back to the present, standing in the middle of the hallway, holding eight roses and nursing a hard on and he didn’t care. This was a sign from Jared. A sign that he still loved him. Jensen adjusted himself in his jeans, smelled the roses and headed to the office with a bounce in his step and a smile on his face.

 

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

Jared was acting like a teenage girl and right now didn’t care. He had sent Jensen the roses this morning and was now frantically uploading some songs to a USB to send by courier so he would have them tomorrow night. He had their usuals that meant something to them but he also added ‘Photograph’ and ‘Baby be my Love Song’ by Easton Corbin.

After he sent the technologic version of a mixed tape off in a satchel he rang their favourite Italian Restaurant in Vancouver and paid an exorbitant amount of money for a meal to be delivered to Jensen tomorrow night, his favourite. It was exorbitant because they don’t usually deliver but Jared knew their son was a fan and wouldn’t mind the thrill.

They had been going to the restaurant since they stumbled across it half way season two, when they had finally been able to come up for air after a year and a half of working six days a week, almost twenty hours a day sometimes. Season one had them pretty much just seeing the inside of hotel rooms, Cliff’s car and the set.

As Jared hung up the phone now he remembered the night when they crossed ‘that line’.  They had been pretty full on since the end of season three party and were enjoying the physical contact of dry humping and rubbing against each other, and had even had the mind blowing experiences of blow jobs, something Jared didn’t think he would ever get tired of. Jared knew in his heart that he wanted it all with Jensen so in his spare time away from Jensen he started Googling. At first he had been petrified and kept waiting for ethics police to show up, his internet provider to call and say he was being hacked or his mother to call asking what did he think he was doing. He had stumbled across any number of sexual and perverted web sites and videos and had scared himself even more, scaring Jensen in the process with the look on his face even though he wouldn’t talk about it. Until he eventually stumbled across a site, about twenty pages of porn in, that kind of gave a medical and clinical description what should happen and why and how. After reading Jared went out and bought supplies, highly grateful that the same supplies were needed whether making love to a man or a woman so it wasn’t completely embarrassing to be in line at the chemist.

After more than a few drinks one weekend Jared had shown Jensen the web site and Jensen had turned green in the face before going and throwing up. Jensen did apologise and told him it was the Jaeger but Jared got the hint and didn’t mention it again.

About a month later on date night they had gone to the Italian restaurant and got a booth in the back. They couldn’t act like a couple or touch each other in public, their faces were known around the city, but Jensen got the booth for privacy so no one would overhear their conversation.

“So Jay I had another look at that website.” Jensen said conversationally

“Yeah I told you there were some good hiking trails around Van man.”

“No, _that_ website.” Jensen reiterated looking deep into Jared’s eyes

“Oh.” Jared said and put down his fork

“So what are your thoughts?” he tried to sound casual but Jared could see his hand trembling slightly as he cut his veal.

“Sounds like slow and steady wins the race man.” Jared shrugged and smirked to break the awkwardness.

As much as they talked about everything and there were no secrets that didn’t mean they didn’t feel awkward and uncomfortable with some of their discussions, usually when it came to sex or physical intimacy between them, generally because of their upbringing and them only now having to come to terms with the fact they were attracted to someone of the same sex.

“Jay this is not a joking matter.”

“I thought you would be the top, I think you would be more comfortable with that.” Jared immediately replied seriously

“Really?” Jensen’s eyebrows flew up

“What? You wanna be the bottom.”

“No, no, I just thought we would argue over who got to drive.”

“I know you are freaking out about this Jen, so am I, but I think we should at least try it once before we give up on it for good, I won’t tell your mama if you don’t tell mine.”

“Jay talking about our mama’s is not going to get me in the mood for even attempting this.”

“Sorry, I’m trying to lighten the mood.”

“So you’re ok with me…you know…”he made hand gestures that were nothing like what was going to be actually happening.

“Yeah Jen I am.” Jared smiled and leaned forward, putting his hand on Jensen’s knee under the table, the closest they could come to showing affection in public.

“I’m gonna order us another bottle of wine then.”

“No Jen, this is a big deal for us and I want us to be all there, not half drunk for courage. If you don’t want to do this now or ever we don’t have to but you shouldn’t have to get drunk to do it, that’s devaluing what we have. That and I think it might hurt if we don’t do it right so I don’t want you blundering around down there half drunk.”

“Jesus Jay this is so not getting me in the mood.”

“Yeah well babe I aint really in the mood either since you implied you had to be drunk to do it so safe to say tonight is not the night.” Jared said and picked up his glass to finish it in a mouthful. He then pointed to the bottle as the owner’s wife walked past and she nodded before returning to the table with a full one.

The rest of the meal had been a little stilted and they ended up drinking the second bottle of wine and catching a cab home.

“Night Jen.” Jared said as he walked in the door and headed to his bedroom

“Jay I’m sorry…”

“It’s all good Jen don’t worry about it, I’m really tired, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Although most nights they spent together there were the occasional nights they slept in their own rooms so this could have been just one of those nights except Jensen could pick up on the tension coming from Jared, even if he was a little calmer with the wine in him.

He went to his own bedroom, had a shower, and climbed into bed. After half an hour of staring at the ceiling he let out a swear word, climbed back out of bed and went to Jared’s room

“Jay?” he whispered

“What?”

“Please I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Me neither, sorry Jen.” Jared said and slid over to one side of the bed while flicking the sheets back

“I’m sorry I implied I had to be drunk to make love to you.”

“Shh Jen let’s not talk about it, we’re both a little weirded out by the whole thing, I’m almost relaxed so just roll over and go to sleep.”

“Roll over onto your stomach.”

“Jen?”

“Shh, I’m just gonna give you a massage.” Jensen said and reached for the massage oil from the drawer. He sat up and straddled Jared and started massaging his back. After a few minutes Jared was letting out little whimpers that were turning Jensen on so he leant down and started dropping kisses across his shoulder blades and back.

“Jen.” He sighed and started slightly canting his hips.

“Hmm.” Jensen sighed and he tightened his thighs around Jared as he could feel himself stir. He slid off Jared and down beside him and Jared rolled over and grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him down. They drank deeply of each other, tongues licking and lips grinding while hands wandered all over warm and goose bumped skin.

“Fuck I love you.” Jared growled as they separated and he started biting down Jensen’s neck and across his shoulder

“I love you too Jay, do you trust me?”

“Ah totally.” Jared said as if a crazy question and continued licking and nipping down Jensen’s chest, “so hot” he muttered and worked his way back up to run his tongue around the shell of Jensen’s ear while slowly grinding his pelvis into him. “So hard for me baby” he whispered and his hand slid between the two of them to lightly stroke him

“Jay stop.” Jensen gasped even as he pushed into Jared’s hand

“What? Why?” he said in shock as he pulled back

“I wanna do it.” Jensen gushed out quickly

“Well babe until you stopped me we were doing it.” He said and lowered his head to kiss down his neck again

“No I want to do _it_.”

“No.” Jared quickly sat up and away from Jensen and looked him in the eye with a serious expression

“No?”

“No you don’t want to do it. You think I want that because we had a quarrel? No I don’t want it until you really want it so no.”

“Jay I want it.”

“No you don’t Jen it’s ok, I completely meant it when I said we don’t ever have to.”

“Would you shut the fuck up Padalecki, I really want to.” Jensen said as he grabbed his face between his hands and looked deep into his eyes

“Jen?”

“Jay I love you man, I really love you and we’ve been fooling around for months now and it’s been great but I want more, I want it all and I know you do too, I can see it in your eyes. Yeah jerking each other off or a blow job is fucking fantastic and I hope we do that for the rest of our lives but you know it’s not enough. I want all of you.”

“Fuck Jen.” Jared said and threw himself on top of him. All of a sudden Jared’s large hands were everywhere, all over Jensen’s body while his teeth bit, his tongued licked and his lips sucked. His cock was grinding against Jensen’s leg and he could feel the slick of pre come as he himself surged up against Jared’s hip to try and get some release.

Jared leaned over to the bedside table and grabbed out a bottle of lube and a condom.

“Prepared much?” Jensen smirked and Jared blushed

“I wasn’t a boy scout but I was a teenager and there’s nothing worse than not being prepared when a situation like this rises.”

“Oh it’s rising alright.” Jensen smiled as he rubbed himself against Jared’s hip again

“I trust you Jen.” Jared said and rolled over while sliding a pillow under his hips

“You have got the most gorgeous ass Jay, goes with the rest of you.” Jensen said as he ran his hands up and down Jared’s back and dropped kisses all over it.

“Do it Jen.” Jared whimpered and Jensen poured lube onto his hand

Jensen tried to remember what the web site said plus he had secretly watched some gay sex tapes to get the gist of how this is meant to work. The most important was to start with fingers and work your way up. Jensen slowly inserted a finger into Jared and the moan that came from him ricocheted around the entire room

“Jay?”

“Keep going”

Jensen worked with the one finger, mesmerized watching it get sucked in before pulling it out, until Jared started wiggling against him, he then inserted a second finger and held still as Jared let out a swear word.

“You ok?”

“I can’t even begin to describe how this feels Jen.” Jared said as Jensen kept moving and then inserted a third finger, it was a tight squeeze and he stopped when Jared’s arms gave way and he collapsed onto the bed

“Sorry babe.”

“Fuck Jen don’t be. Are you ready?” Jared said as he looked back over his shoulder. Jensen had been concentrating so hard on not hurting his boyfriend he was worried he may have lost his erection but Jared saw he was still hard and watched him watching his fingers moving in Jared’s ass, “Jen?”

“Fuck…if you are I am. Jay I wish you could see this and feel what I feel it’s fucking amazing” Jensen groaned and continued working at him with his fingers as if hypnotized.

“Jen?”

“Sorry babe.” He whispered and reached for the condom and the lube.

Jensen lined himself up to Jared and slowly pushed the head of his cock just into his ring and Jared’s ass seemed to suck it in. Jensen froze and Jared let out a whimper

“Jay?”

“Just hang a sec?”

“I’m pulling out”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Jared growled and took some deep breaths. “Ok a little more.” He whispered and Jensen leaned forward. It seemed as if Jared’s ass was doing all the work, slowly sucking him in. He stopped again and he could see Jared’s hands clenched

“Jay?”

“More.” He growled

“Is it hurting?”

“Fuck yes it’s hurting but it’s like a good hurt if that makes sense.”

“I can pull out.”

“No. More.” He growled and Jensen leaned forward again. Jared took a deep breath and his ass seemed to devour Jensen.

“I’m in.” Jensen groaned

“Give me a minute.”

“Babe I hope like hell you’re not hurting but I gotta tell ya this is the most fucking fantastic feeling I have ever felt. You are so tight Jay and I can feel you everywhere. Fuck I just want to move.” He said as he ran his hands up and down Jared’s back

“Ok move.”

“Are you sure?”

“Easy does it but yeah I’m sure.”

Jensen fought against the muscle to pull back and then push in again and they both let out swear words.

“Jay I am in you, this is it, you and I fused together, there is nothing more than this, you and I as one.” Jensen said with tears in his eyes as he slowly pulled out again. Then he tilted a little as he pushed back in and Jared almost screamed

“What? What? I’m getting out.”

“You fucking get out now I will do you physical pain, I think you just found my prostate and I don’t know how I’m still conscious.” Jensen thrust forward again and Jared screamed again and pushed back onto Jensen

“Ooohhh.” Jensen moaned and they finally found their rhythm. Working in co-ordination to take them higher than they have ever been before.

Jensen could feel his balls filling and knew he was close but wanted Jared to come too so he slid his hand around and grabbed Jared’s cock

“Jensen what the fuck?” he yelped as all nerve endings were pretty much leading to the organ Jensen had just grabbed.

“You gonna come Jay.” Jensen said as he started slamming into Jared. So fucking tight, so fucking hot, so much pressure, too much love, he was fast falling over the edge so he milked Jared with his hand and leaned in to bite Jared’s neck, Jared threw back his head, almost head butting Jensen and came long and hard on his boyfriend’s hand

Jensen let out a roar as Jared got even tighter around him and pumped into the condom convulsing through the most intense orgasm he had ever had. He could literally see stars and was worried he was going to pass out.

Never, with all his partners, had he ever experienced anything so powerful and passionate. He had physically felt Jared’s blood pounding through his body and felt his heart racing, just for him, no one but him. They were both virgins until now, each other was their first and their only when it came to this. He said ‘I love you’ to Jared more than he had said it to anyone in his entire life including his parents but right now those words didn’t even cover the extent of his feelings.

“Jay?”

“Holy mother of…”

“Fucking awesome.”

“Jen that was fucking amazing.”

“I’ve never experienced…I can’t put in words…holy fuck. I love you Jay.”

“I love you too Jen and thank you for doing this.”

“Thank _you_ , fuck we are so doing this again. We were one, we were connected. I could feel your blood pulse and your heart beat, I fucking felt everything.” Jensen said as he slowly pulled out and slid off the condom.

“Jensen every single nerve ending in my body was concentrating on you, I’m mainly fucking surprised I’m still conscious.”

“Yeah I felt that too. Fuck my legs are killing me.”

‘Well not to kill the mood but my ass is feeling the burn.”

“Shit Jay what can I do?”

“Can you move?”

“I think so”

“If you could grab a washcloth and towel that would be awesome I don’t think I can move.”

“Oh God babe I’m so sorry, how sore is it?”

“Jen it’s ok, I knew this would be like this to start with, it’ll get better, there’s some cream in the bathroom cabinet when you grab the washcloth

“Jay we don’t have to do this again if you don’t want, if it hurt too much.” Jensen called from the bathroom

“Jen shut up, I love you and we are so doing this again, now I have felt this power I don’t know if I can ever let it go.”

“It was fucking fantastic.” Jensen smiled as he came back in the room and gently wiped down his lover before applying ointment. ‘My lover’ he smirked as he thought that in his head, sounded even better than ‘My Boyfriend’.

“Wait til I finger your prostate, then you will have a truly spiritual experience cause I swear to God Jensen I saw stars.”

“Me too.” Jensen smiled and leant down to kiss him before tucking him in under the covers and sliding in beside him to slot him into his neck and shoulder divot.

 

Jared came back to the present with his hand down his pants and wrapped around his cock, fisting at it as he pushed his hips up. Fuck he needed Jensen. He needed Jensen on him and in him and he hoped like hell Jensen would forgive him and take him back. Jared came all over his hand, in his den, in the middle of the day, just thinking about Jensen’s eyes as they looked deep into his while he was buried deep in him.

 

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

Jensen had to admit to himself he had been expecting something at home that night and after walking into a dark house he knew deep down he was hoping Jared would have been there but he sucked it up and after another evening of going of his notes and his plans he fell into the empty and cold bed.

The next morning he was woken up by a courier and opened a satchel containing a USB with unmistakable scrawl _play me in the car_. By the time he got to the studios he had a bounce in his step, a smile on his face and warmth in his chest. All this time he had been thinking he needed to woo Jared back and had been planning on waiting until he got him up here where he couldn’t get away from him but in the interim it looked like Jared had the same plan and was going ahead with it and Jensen was loving every minute of it.

He really appreciated the effort Jared put in for the mere fact that there were new country songs on the USB which mean Jared actually had to be listening to country to find them, hopefully another sign to Jensen that he was being missed. He knew Jared was not a huge fan of country and they had compromised on the songs that were on their play list, songs that Jensen liked and Jared could tolerate. He liked songs about falling in love or drinking and having a good time; songs about heartbreak and sadness and death had not made the cut and Jensen was glad of that now because he knew that if he had those songs close at hand he would have been playing them and wallowing in self-pity over the last week. As it was he was too busy to hunt down melancholy music so had to listen to their get you up and keep you up in the morning tunes. He had loved the songs Jared had picked, including a couple of new ones that when he really listened the words, smiled with tears in his eyes. He was such a girl at the moment, crying to love songs, but no one could see him so he didn’t care.

He was almost at the end of the week, he could almost get home to Danneel and JJ and yes Jared. He just had to get through a lone night tonight and then would catch a plane out tomorrow night rather than spending another night here alone.

“Mr Ackles? A young voice asked as he walked up the path to his house and he tensed, as much as they were open to the fans, he really did not appreciate thinking one had followed him home, until he turned around and recognized the kid

“Hey Michael, what are you doing away from the restaurant? Won’t your mum kill you for not being there to help out?”

“No I’ve just come from there and heading back I’m just dropping something off.” He said and handed a large bag over

“You guys don’t deliver do you?” he said as mouthwatering smells wafted at him

“Apparently we do if someone throws enough money at mum. Doesn’t worry me, gets me out of the restaurant for awhile and you guys are good customers. Enjoy” He said with a smile before turning and walking away with a casual wave of his hand.

Jensen went inside and opened the bags, smiling as the tragic thought of cardboard pizza disappeared to the back recesses of his mind. Garlic and cheese bread, seared scallops and veal, all Jensen’s favorites, and oh a bottle of red, Jared’s favorite label. Even as he stabbed at a scallop, not even bothering to plate up he was so hungry he pulled his phone out of his pocket

“Hi Jen…sen, how’s it going?” the smile in his voice echoed down the line

“Great now thanks, this is awesome.”

“Just wanted to make sure you were looking after yourself.”

“Who’s there with you?” Jensen casually asked, Jared’s tone was, although friendly, not like it usually was on the phone when it was just the two of them. When it was just the two of them, no matter how far apart they were, Jared got his voice to a level deep enough and husky enough to have Jensen coming in his jeans just with him saying ‘hey babe’.

“No one, just chilling in the den. Doing some cleaning up and packing, getting ready to come up for another year.” Jared bit his lip hard and frowned at himself, he was trying so hard to keep his tone casual, he didn’t want to assume anything or jump to conclusions, he was trying to follow Jensen’s lead with where this was going and even though he had reminded himself how to act on the phone, he still cringed when he almost called him by his nickname.

“Oh ok…I just thought…doesn’t matter.” Jensen suddenly felt awkward, maybe he was reading more into this then was really there. He was getting hugely mixed signals from Jared, the roses, the music, dinner, but his tone was just casual and friendly. Jensen was left floundering with what to say or do without misunderstanding the situation

“So when are you coming back down? You are coming back down for Fourth of July right? You’re not staying up there by yourself for the weekend are you?”

“Yeah I’m flying out tomorrow night but I’m coming back Sunday and I thought we should all come up for the World Cup.”

“Fuck Jen…sen that would be awesome.”

“Jay?” Jensen sighed frustrated down the phone

“Yeah?”

“Can you please just go back to calling me Jen? Even as friends you called me that and it sounds wrong and awkward you trying to remember to say my full name”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry just know you can still call me that. I miss hearing it.”

“Ok, excellent and yeah I’m sure we’d love to come up for the World Cup.”

“I’ll see you when I get down?”

“Yeah sure Jen, go and enjoy your dinner and I’ll see you at the weekend.”

Miss you babe.” Jensen whispered down the phone

“Me too.” Jared sighed and hung up

 

Jensen got off the plane and had his beautiful daughter throw herself at him when his wife collected him from the airport. He was having flashes to the last time he got off a plane here and he admitted he kind of hoped Jared would have been here again tonight.

“So how’d the week go babe?” she said as she kissed him on the cheek

“Yeah good. Tired.” Jensen said as he took her hand

“Are you sorry it’s me here to collect you?”

“What? No, don’t be crazy.” Jensen said with a frown

“They’re having their big family barbeque tonight since everyone had plans for tomorrow night and Jared couldn’t get out of it because his family have been worried about him.”

“Danni I’m glad it’s you here to collect me.” Jensen said and pulled her in for a hug. The Padalecki Independence Day barbeque; this would be the first one in about eight years he hadn’t been invited to and one of about three he had missed, he had always considered the Padalecki’s as extended family and he felt sick in the stomach that he was being left out

“He said you didn’t think you’d want to go since you had a big week and are probably tired”

“Yeah.” He sighed

“Jensen Genevieve said Jared was really upset about not inviting you but he didn’t want to make assumptions about your friendship or push anything on you.”

Jensen didn’t say anything but when he got in the car he pulled out his phone and sent a message

_Idiot_

_I didn’t want to put you on the spot_

_Again…idiot_

_Do you want to come over?_

_I’m not inviting myself to your family bbq man_

_I actually wish you would so my mum would stop giving me crap about why you’re not here_

_Idiot_

_Jen?!_

_Nah man I am tired, have a good night and give your mum a hug for me_

_Idiot!_

Jensen let out a bark of laughter as he put his phone away

 

Jensen was sitting in his den watching tv. Danni had gone up to bed ages ago and even though he was tired he was also wound up and couldn’t sleep yet; his phone buzzed

_R U awake?_

_Yeah :(_ _  
_

_What u doing?_

_Tv. What u doing?_

_Had a little 2 much 2 drink_

_And…_

_& feel shit u weren’t there 2night_

_Your loss_

_Yep_

_Where r u?_

_5 min from u_

_And?_

_& I was wondering what’s going on?_ Jensen sighed when he read this. So typical of Jared to wait to get drink in him before getting up the nerve to hint at what he really wanted to ask

_I don’t know what’s going on with u?_

_Miss you_

_You’re drunk_

_And horny :)_ _  
_

_Go talk to your wife_

_Ok but I’d rather talk to you_

_Well u can’t you’re 5 min from me and drunk_

_I’m not_

_What? Drunk?_

_No 5 min from u_

_What?_

_Nice door by the way I don’t think I ever told u how much I like your door_

_What?_

_Yeah I’m the drunk 1 & you’re still messaging me when I’m @ your door. Good 1 brains trust_

_Fuck you_

_Ok so you’re not coming 2 the door?_

_Jay u not @ my door_

_If I ring the doorbell will I wake the girls up?_

_Probably_

_So come 2 the fucking door!_

There was no way in hell Jared was at his door Jensen grumbled as he walked through the house, he then swung open the door and sure enough, no one. He was about to close it again when he heard a rustle, looked to the right and saw Jared leaning up against the wall, in the garden

“What the fuck Jay?”

“Thought I saw something.”

“What? A fairy shooting rainbows out it’s ass riding a unicorn? That’s about all you’d see in your state.” Jensen said as he grabbed him and pulled him inside

“Ha rainbow shooting fairy, ha funny.” Jared staggered behind him

“Shh get in the den.” Jensen said and pushed him in that direction before going to the kitchen for a bottle of water.

When he got in the den Jared was pouring them both whiskeys

“Really? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“I’m a grown ass man, I think I know when I’ve had too much to drink.”

“Yeah you usually know right after it happens.” Jensen said and handed Jared the bottle of water. Jared put it on the bar and handed Jensen the scotch

“Missed you tonight, everyone was asking about you and talking about you.”

“How’d you even get here, you didn’t drive did you?”

“Nah man don’t be stupid, walked.”

“You staggered down the road in this condition?”

“That’s why you live so close to me isn’t it?”

“Not so you can wonder up and down the road drunk, no.”

“Huh?” Jared actually looked surprised but anything would surprise him in this state.

“So why you walking up and down the road drunk.”

“Missed you.” He said as he took a step forward

“Jay I don’t want you rocking up on my doorstep just because you’re drunk and horny”

“Isn’t that why you moved so close to me?”

“No.” Jensen snapped

“Well I can’t walk here drunk, I can’t be here drunk and horny, why the fuck did you move so close to me then?” Jared asked in drunk frustration. You know, like the frustration you have of your seatbelt not working as you look at three visions of them trying to guess which is the right one and the frustration of your belt that you slid in so easily hours ago now has you in a strangle hold as your drunk fingers try to figure out how to get it undone frustration.

“Apparently to completely fuck up my life.” Almost yelled back

All of a sudden Jared collapsed onto the couch and his face dropped, “Sorry Jen.” He muttered

“Only you could get me so pissed off Jay. What are you doing here?”

“I missed you. I had to be with you.”

“It’s not that easy Jay, you can’t just rock up drunk and think I’m gonna say ooh yeah babe let’s do it. It’s been a month Jay, a month of hell.”

“I know that, you don’t think I know that and that I caused all this because I know Jen I know and I’m not here for a booty call, well I am, I was, but I’m not.”

“Well that couldn’t be any clearer.” Jensen said sarcastically

“I miss having you in my arms when I go to sleep at night.” Jared blurted

“You are such an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot, you’re an idiot.”

“You coulda told me this over the phone.”

“Yeah but then I wouldn’t get to see you.” He said as he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, “Uh oh.”

“Uh oh what?” Jensen said suddenly alert as he looked at Jared’s face

“World’s spinning uh oh. Shouldna had that last one.”

“I fucking told you man.” He frowned concerned.

“Don’t yell at me. I missed you and you’re yelling at me.”

“Well I missed you too but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to beat the shit out of you for what you have put me through over the last month.”

“Go on. Hit me.” Jared said as he raised his chin while still flopped on the couch

“I am not hitting a drunk man who is an idiot. Come on.” Jensen said and grabbed his arm to pull him out of the couch

“Are you taking me to bed?” Jared growled into his ear just before his tongue dove into it and Jensen almost dropped him as he went instantly hard

“No I’m taking you home?”

“Oh come on babe, don you wanna take me to bed?” Jared whispered in his ear as one very long finger slid under the elastic of his sweat pants and slid across the smooth skin right at the base of his cock, getting the already hard flesh twitching and, yep, he just felt it, leaking

“No I want to take you home.” Jensen said between gritted teeth and pushed him through the door of the den and kept pushing him until he was out the front door

“You’re kicking me out?” he sounded shocked

“I don’t want this Jay, not while you’re drunk and willing to hump anything.”

“I have never been willing to hump just anything Jen and you know it, only you, only want you.” He mumbled as he took a step forward and got in Jensen’s personal space

“Not like this.” He growled and Jared sighed before turning and walking away, “Now what are you doing?” Jensen hissed frustrated, drunk Jared has the attention span of a four year old.

“Going home.” Jared said throwing his arms out wide as if Jensen was an idiot for asking and headed down the driveway

“Jared you fucking idiot, you are not walking home drunk, get in the car I’ll drive you.”

“Can I blow you while you drive me?”

“No you fucking cannot. I want to get us there and me home again alive.” He said as he pushed Jared into the passenger’s seat

“Well this is the worst fucking booty call I ever had.” Jared mumbled as he leaned his head against the window with his eyes closed

“Yeah you and me both.” Jensen said as he pulled into Jared’s driveway, “Come on.” He said as he leaned over and pushed open Jared’s door

“I got it I don’t need you to treat me like a two year old.” Jared frowned and pushed Jensen’s hands off as they tried to undo the seatbelt

“Are you sure?”

“You tell me?” Jared said before grabbing Jensen by the back of the neck and pulling him in and licking hotly into his mouth. He didn’t give Jensen a chance to complain before he sucked his tongue in and sucked hard on it before sliding his teeth down the length of it. He then sucked on one of Jensen’s lips, hard and bit into it, not too gently.

“Fuck Jay.” By now Jensen had his hands twined in Jared’s hair and he didn’t know whether to pull him closer or push him away

“Hmm?” Jared asked as his mouth then slid from bruised lips, across his throat and onto his ear where he grabbed Jensen’s lobe with his teeth and rolled it back and forward. Jensen’s body tried to arch into the sensation but his seatbelt was keeping him in place, Jared continued sucking and nipping while one hand slid over and undid the belt

“Jay what are you doing?” he groaned as his hard on almost bumped the steering wheel

“Making you feel how I feel.” Jared said before his head slid down and he tongued at one of Jensen’s nipples through his shirt, when the material was wet and the nipple was hard, Jared grabbed the material and skin with his teeth and gently pulled. Jensen let out a little whine

“Jay you gotta stop man.” Jensen growled but Jared’s hand just moved down to slide into Jensen’s pants.

“So hard.”

“Fuuuccckkk.” Jensen growled low in his throat and he had no will power to not push up into Jared’s hand. Jared pulled down the material and leaned down in the close confines to lick at Jensen’s cock, “Jay.” He growled

“Come for me Jen, want you to come and want to taste you, God I’ve missed your taste.” Jared moaned as he licked and sucked at Jensen as much as he could with the steering wheel there

“Jay. Jay. Fuck Jay.”

Jared rose and sucked Jensen’s tongue into his mouth as he squeezed tight on his cock and jacked him off hard and fast, he then took his mouth away and leaned down to bite hard down on the wet nipple and Jensen shot come across his hand as he arched off the seat and cried out his name.

“Fuck me.” Jensen groaned

“Sorry babe, even with the seat back I don’t think it’ll work in the car.” Jared said with a gentle kiss to his lips as he slid off his shirt and then wiped at his hand and Jensen’s crotch before pulling his pants back up

“What the hell was that?” Jensen gasped as he caught his breath

“Booty call?” Jared smiled and climbed out of the car, “See you later Jen.” he said and walked into his house with a huge tent in his pants, leaving Jensen sitting outside trembling and wondering if he could even get his legs to work to drive him home.


	25. Chapter 25

Jared woke up the next morning on the couch in the den with the taste of a dead shoe in his mouth and a heavy metal band banging drums in his head and the feeling he did something stupid niggling at his conscience. The feeling partly proven by very uncomfortable cotton plastered to his crotch making him wonder if he dry humped the couch last night. As he had this thought his phone beeped that he had a message and when he checked it was a message from Jensen sent late last night, or actually early this morning.

_What the fuck was that?!?!!!?_

Uh oh Jared thought to himself and squeezed his eyes closed as he tried to remember what happened. Obviously not too much because his ass wasn’t sensitive, damn it. Then he noticed that Jensen’s message was part of a string and read back through the messages, vaguely remembering walking down the street but not much after that. Safe to say, from Jensen’s message that something happened and he was going to have to call and apologise and admit alcoholic amnesia.

Even as he had that thought the door to the den was thrown open, bouncing off the wall and making him wince and Jensen stood there glaring at him.

Jared looked behind him and saw Genevieve wave and rush out the door with the boys, obviously she could feel the vibes radiating off this man and had the luxury of fleeing the scene, Jared didn’t have that choice.

“Jen?” he asked tentatively

“Care to explain last night?”

“Beer and whiskey?”

“That’s the second fucking time Jared that you have attacked me drunk.”

“Attacked? Oh my God what did I do?” Jared yelped as he tried to jump up off the couch although it was more a stagger. His eyes were roaming all over Jensen looking for bruises or marks. What the fuck happened last night?

“You don’t remember?” Jensen frowned

“Jen what did I do?” Jared asked as he rushed over to him, he couldn’t see any bruises but Jensen was seriously pissed off so it must have been bad

“Jesus Jared you stink. Go have a shower and brush your teeth man.” Jensen said as he took a big step back

“Jensen you have to tell me…”

“I’m fine man, go have a shower and we’ll talk when you come out.” Jared shuffled out of the room with his head hung low and Jensen sighed as he flopped down onto the couch.

Jensen had not slept at all last night which was a feat since he was completely exhausted from his busy week and hadn’t slept well up there by himself. He had all last night to think about how pissed off he was at Jared for molesting him in the car after he was the one that said it was over. He was the one that split them up and although he may be trying to make amends for that and maybe reconcile they hadn’t discussed it so he had no right to keep mauling him like he was his property because although in his heart he knew he was & would take Jared back in a nano-second it was not up to Jared to get to reap the rewards without doing the hard yards, begging, pleading, he didn’t just get to do what he did last night without there being consequences.

But as Jensen sat on the couch waiting for him it finally occurred to him that Jared had no idea what he was talking about. Did he truly not remember blowing him last night and by the question of two attacks did he not remember what happened in the hotel room? In all the years Jensen had known Jared he had never known him to forget what had happened the night before, no matter how much was drunk, he was the one with the good memory, always filled Jensen in on what happened, who did what and what he did with whiskey in him; for Jared not to be remembering pretty memorable moments was a little scary to Jensen and also let him know that no matter what Jared looked like on the outside he was obviously not completely healed from his exhaustion and stress.

Jared quickly showered and brushed his teeth, he threw on clothes without drying properly and ran downstairs and into the den half damp with hair plastered to his face

“Jensen…” he eyes were popping out of his head

“Jay calm down do you honestly not know what I’m talking about?”

“No you gotta tell me man how did I attack you?”

“Not attack attack, sexually attack.”

“I forced myself on you?” his voice went high with shock and his eyes bugged out again

“Well…”

“Oh my God.” Jared was running his hand through his hair and pacing, he then stopped and turned to Jensen, “Hit me.”

“What?” Jensen yelped

“Come on, hit me.” He motioned with his hand to do it

“I’m not hitting you Jared, this isn’t the show, we don’t go around hitting each other.”

“Yeah well we don’t go around raping each other either, hit me.”

“Jared you need to calm down. You did not rape me. Geez how did your mind even go there?”

“You said I attacked you and you said I sexually attacked you. That is rape. Why aren’t you here to hit me? What did you come here to do? Are you going to tell the studios? Were you coming to say you couldn’t work with me anymore? You want me to move out of the house. I can do that Jen. We can get this through this season I promise and I will move out, I can do that.” Jared was pacing and babbling and tears were running down his face.

“Jared!” Jensen yelled to get a word in and then dashed forward as Jared started gasping like he couldn’t breathe, he was having a panic attack and starting to hyperventilate. Although he hadn’t had one for years he did used to get them and Jensen knew what to do.

“Jared come and sit down” Jensen said and pushed him down onto the coffee table. He then put his hand on the back if his neck and pushed his head down so it was between his knees. He then stood there rubbing his thumb across the back of his neck and muttered nothing of import so Jared could hear his calm voice. Eventually he could hear his breathing calm down but then he felt his body trembling and moved to crouch in front of Jared and lift up his head to find tears streaming down his face.

“You must hate me.” He muttered

“Jared you are blowing this whole thing out of proportion.”

“You said I raped you.”

“No you said that and can you please stop using that word. I said you sexually attacked me, yes you kinda forced yourself on me but Jay I loved every minute of it it’s just that…well dude we’re split up. You split up with me and broke my heart and yet you keep, you know…”

“No Jensen I promise I have no idea what you are talking about, can you please just tell me what I did, how bad is it?” Jared still had tears running down his face

“Well we kinda had sex at the Marriott when I came to find you.”

“Kinda?”

“Well afterwards I realised you were asleep through the whole thing.”

“Hang on how did we have sex and how did I force myself on you if I was asleep?” Jared frowned although a niggling memory was itching the back of his brain

“Well we were asleep and then you woke me up with, what I must say, was a fantastic blow job and then you know you…”

“Fucked you? I fucked you?” he yelped

“Yep, pretty forcefully too.”

“Oh my God it was ra…”

“Do not even say it.” Jensen yelled over the top of him, “I was there with you every second of the way Jared, it was hard and fast and awesome, I was awake, I was there, it was only afterwards that I realised you weren’t there, you weren’t awake.”

“I thought it was a fantasy.” Jared muttered

“What?”

“I thought you pretty much put me to bed and bailed and I thought that was a hot dream when I woke up naked.” Jared sighed in defeat

“You thought I left you?” he growled

“I wouldn’t blame you. I had dumped you, you had just told your wife you were sick of having to clean up mine and Gen’s messes. Yeah I was upset you left but I got it.”

“Jay I stayed all night, fuck it was the best sleep I’d had in weeks, especially after the two orgasms, yes two, but when I woke up the next morning I thought you wouldn’t want me there so I went against all my own wishes and left. God it made me sick to leave you there, especially after how I found you, but you wanted some time alone and so I gave it to you, after I made sure there were no pills or sharp knives anywhere.”

“I’m sorry Jensen.”

“You know what? So you fucking should be. Do you know how I felt when no one knew where you were for almost two days? Do you know where my mind went? Right back to that time when I found you sitting on your bed with that bottle of pills in your hand. I was physically sick wondering where you were and what you might be doing. You have become a real selfish bastard this summer Jared.” Jensen paced as he yelled

“You’re right.” He whispered

“What?” Jensen snapped, still wound up and thinking he had heard wrong

“You’re right. You didn’t deserve any of this. I have taken your whole summer with all this shit and I have been selfish and I don’t know what the fuck and I am so sorry. You’re right Jensen, when I come up I will stay in a hotel and we’ll get the house sorted. Everything I have put you through, I am so sorry but it’ll get better.”

“Jared that’s not what I’m saying.” He frowned

‘No I am. It’s ok Jen, I’m seeing someone.”

“What the fuck do you mean you’re seeing someone?” Jensen growled, another woman, another man, Jensen saw red at the thought of anyone, anyone at all touching him and he honestly thought he felt violence in his bones.

“No Jensen, I’m seeing a specialist. After the hotel I went and made an appointment and I’m seeing a psychologist to get me back on track.”

“Jesus Jared you scared the crap out of me then. So you’re getting help.”

“Yeah and I’m on some medication so I shouldn’t have been drinking, they told me that but I didn’t think a few beers would hurt, I guess from you storming in here this morning, I really shouldn’t be mixing my medication and alcohol. What else did I do, just tell me.”

“Nothing.”

“Jensen just tell me. If you don’t tell me anything I imagine will probably worse than it really is, well I would hope like hell it was anyway.”

“Dude it was nothing you just gave me a blow job in my car last night when I drove you home, it was nothing, well not nothing, it was pretty spectacular but in the grand scheme of things nothing. So no drinking huh?”

“Seems not.”

“Jared…” Jensen sat down on the coffee table next to him and went to take his hand but Jared jumped up

“No I can fix this Jensen, I am so sorry for ruining the time we had off. I mean it, I will stay in a hotel and we’ll get this sorted. I wanna say I think this should be our last season but rationally I think we should see how the medication goes? If I stop having panic attacks and stop drinking and sexually attacking you and you still want to keep going we may be able to keep going but I definitely think I should stay in a hotel until I get this under control.  I will not be able to sleep worried I might come at you in the middle of the night again. Please forgive me Jen, you’re my best friend and I don’t know what I would do if I lost that because of my own stupidity.”

“What about the flowers and the music?” Jensen asked quietly as he could see everything he had hoped was happening slowly slipping away from him again.

“That was before I knew any of this had happened. Now you’ve told me what I did I see it’s best for you if we do stay apart.”

“Jared I was so fucking angry at you when I came over here.”

“And you have every right to be, my God anyone else and I would pummeling them and I still think you should be pummeling me, but I get it Jensen, I get why you were angry but I promise you this is all fixable.”

“I don’t want you to move out of the house Jay, that was never a thought I had no matter how angry I was.”

“I think it’s for the best that I do but maybe we can discuss it again when the medication has evened everything out.” Jared said hopefully

“Are they anti-depressants?” Jensen asked.

“Mood stabilisers but yeah I think that’s just a nice way of saying anti-depressants. Meant to help me sleep and stop the mood swings.” Jared sat down in an arm chair

“Is it going to affect your acting?”

“Are you asking as a friend or a director?”

“Jay I am asking as someone who has heard conflicting stories about this medication and I’ve been told it kind of makes you numb and that you forget things and you don’t feel the highs or lows and in our show there are a lot of lines and a lot of emotional scenes sometimes.”

“Nah I’m sitting here crying aren’t I? It just takes the edge off, I still feel I just don’t have the urge to drink myself to oblivion or drive or three days straight to get away from the pain.”

“I am so sorry Jay.”

“What the hell do you have to be sorry for, everything that is happening to me was caused by me, shit everything happening to you was caused by me. I suck and I get that and I don’t blame you if you never forgive me but I just wanted you to know it’s going to get better, I promise.”

“I’m sorry because I didn’t know any of this was going on. I knew something was wrong but instead of standing by you I let you drop my ass and then turned my back on you.”

“Jensen look at me” Jared said as he got up and dropped down in front of him, “In no way shape or form did you turn your back on me, you were in Rome and Australia doing what we promised to do and you were hurting while you were doing it because I wasn’t there. You should have turned your back on me, you were meant to, hell you have been a great friend to me and even Genevieve while we have dealt with all this shit and the whole time you were breaking on the inside. You have done more then I should have ever asked of you and there is nothing at all for you to be sorry about.”

“I shouldn’t have let you come home. I should have kept you with me.”

“Jen from what the doctor says this has been slowly building, didn’t matter where I was or who I was with this would have happened.”

“Why? Wasn’t I looking after you? Wasn’t I good for you? Was it because of me?” Jensen whispered, his stomach was knotted and his chest hurt from hearing this.

“No Jen, never, never think like that. If it hadn’t been for you I could have been on this medication years ago. You kept me sane, you kept me alive, your love kept me going every single day and every single night whether we were together or not. Who knows where I would be now if it wasn’t for you but the doc thinks it was the whole not being able to just relax when we’re together out in public. He thinks the having to keep the brain switched on the whole time so I don’t say or do anything to out our relationship eventually kept my brain stuck in drive instead of neutral and it kind of burnt out.”

“What about me?” Jared said as he went back to the armchair

“You had Danneel to talk to, at least you could relax at home whereas every moment I wasn’t with you was a moment I had to think about everything I said and did. You couldn’t be with me twenty-four seven Jen and you shouldn’t have had to be, you were living your life the way you should be, this is all on me.”

“You are being too nice to me about this, you were right to throw at me that I caused all this years ago.”

“No Jen. I was twenty-five and naïve when we started our relationship and you had sense enough to know that if we came out, the way I thought it would be so easy to do, we would lose everything. I read the CW contract when I signed but you understood what it actually meant. We would have lost everything if we had revealed ourselves. Our families, our friends, any future work as leading men. You knew and instead of being harsh and hitting me over the head with it and telling me to grow up you steered me in the right direction. Maybe I shouldn’t have married Gen, in hind sight, but we have two beautiful kids and I love her like you love Danni. You saved us, that is all you and you had to carry that burden because I was skipping around like a high school girl giddy in love.”

“I would do it again in a second.”

“I know you would because you are a good person. A hundred times better than me.”

“I am a good person because of you.  Everything I did and do is because of you and for you, to make you proud of me and want to be with me.”

“There hasn’t been one second from the minute I walked into that producer’s office that I have not been proud of you. Why do you think I push myself as much as I do? To stand up to your standards.”

“Jay just being you is all I needed, maybe pushing yourself is what brought all this on.”

“Jen you’re talking like I’m sick but I’m not. We’ve talked about depression before and you know my views on it. I will get better and although this is something that will be with me for life, it is a part of me, it will and I will get better.”

“I should have been paying closer attention.”

“No what you should have been doing is pummeling me when I forced myself on you. Do not forget why you came over here. I attacked you and you had every right to be angry and I want you to be angry. I’m not telling you any of this to get out of you being angry at me I’m telling you because I tell you everything and we have never kept secrets from each other.”

“Do you still love me?” Jensen asked quietly while looking at the carpet

“Jen I will love you forever but it’s best for you if we stay apart. I didn’t know I was doing things in my sleep. I can keep off the alcohol, that should stop any meanderings drunk but I can’t live with you knowing I could hurt you in my sleep.”

“Jared that was before you went to the specialist, before you started on the medication, I think with the medication you’ll be fine. Please I can’t have you staying in a hotel up there. I wouldn’t sleep.”

“Well I wouldn’t sleep worrying about what I might do to you when I close my eyes.”

“Ok how about, rather than assuming the worst, you come back to the house. I promise to wake you and pummel you if you try to do anything and if that happens then you go to a hotel until things are better.”

“Alright I’ll take the fourth bedroom and see how we go as long as you hand on heart promise to tell me, I don’t want you hiding anything to protect me or stop me freaking out.”

“I promise.”

“Deal.” Jared leaned over and held out his hand for Jensen to shake.

 

TBC


	26. Chapter 26

The four of them and Cliff headed back up to Vancouver for the Women’s World Cup and had an enjoyable afternoon. Although Jensen had a great time with the crowd and his wife and the Padalecki’s he couldn’t’ help but find himself watching Jared out of the corner of his eye.

Yes Jared was having a good time, having a laugh if someone joked with him and being attentive to Genevieve but Jensen also couldn’t help notice how subdued he was. In the past Jared would be instigator of fun and pranks and he would be the one initiating photos all over twitter but at the moment he seemed happy to sit back and observe and Jensen was the one leading the cheering, screaming ad joking around; Jared followed happily but if Jensen didn’t push him he knew he would have just sat in a chair in the background and observed what was going on around him.

Although Jared was smiling it wasn’t quite reaching his eyes and Jensen could see the haunted shadows behind the façade he was showing. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the medication or because he felt he hurt Jensen but whatever it was he was being very careful with what he did or said and after the conversation yesterday had backed right away from Jensen. Oh he was still treating him as a friend but there was no intimacy or over flow of emotion there at all and Jensen had no idea what to do in this situation

After a quiet dinner they went back to their house and while the wives sat up and chatted both men excused themselves to go to sleep and went to their bedrooms they shared with their wives. This would be the first time all of them had been under the one roof at the same time up here and the first time Genevieve was aware of the full situation. It has been a little awkward to start with as they walked in but Danni broke the tension and then the men wondered off.

“So Gen how’s Jared going?”

“Yeah good I suppose. Jensen told you he’s been seeing someone?”

“Yeah that’s great. He looks better, calmer, more in control.”

“Yeah I just, I don’t know.” She shrugged

“Don’t know what?”

“Well he’s still not the man I really married is he?”

“He’s getting there.”

“Yeah I mean no more disappearing for days and no more sitting in the den for days and we have had a good couple of weeks doing things with the boys but, you know, he’s still not in your face and full on like he used to be.”

“Well he is in his thirties now, maybe he’s just slowing down. The medication doesn’t change any of that.”

“Doesn’t it? Is it a coincidence it all happened at the same time?”

“Yeah maybe. Gen we all grow up, I mean look at you and me, we’re not doing things we used to do back then and there’s no way we could do an all nighter any more, we’re all growing up I think you’re just looking at it too closely at the moment because of everything that has happened. It literally may have all just happened at the same time.”

“Possible I s’pose.”

“I’m heading to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah night”

 

Danneel climbed into bed next to her husband who was still lying there, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. He must have picked up on some of her vibes because he rolled over and pulled her in

“You right babe?”

“I swear Jensen I’m surprised Jared hasn’t had a break down before now with her as a wife.”

“What happened?” he asked as he pulled her back to look down at her face

“Nothing. I feel like a bitch just saying it but she never seems happy. I love Jared and she’s sitting out there complaining that he isn’t the same dopey puppy she married.”

“We all grow up babe, we are in our thirties now, I’m not the same dopey puppy you married.”

“That’s what I said and you were never a dopey puppy, you were always the one who assessed the pool before taking the steps while all the other puppies stepped off the edge and went under. You know you and Jared have both had good heads on your shoulders right from the very beginning, even when you were young, single and making a bit of money, you never went off the rails on drug or alcohol benders, you just have good nights out like regular Texas folk.  You’ve both given us comfortable lifestyles and we are lucky that we don’t have to work although, as you know, I would love to get back into it but Genevieve just never seems happy, I am such a bitch.”

“No babe you’re not you’re the best. That is why I was so lucky you said yes to me despite everything and I know I do say it but not enough, thank you for marrying me and being my best friend and giving me a beautiful daughter. I do love you you know.”

“I know.” She sighed as she curled into him again

“I am worried about Jared though, I wasn’t expecting the dopey puppy but he doesn’t seem happy happy if you know what I mean. I’m worried these mood stabilisers might be affecting him.”

“Jen.”

“No I know he needs them and I am so glad he is seeing a psychologist and you know I fully understand his depression, I don’t look down at it all, all of us have sunk pretty low at times and I get that some people can’t pull themselves out without help I’m just worried that maybe this isn’t the way to go.”

“You’re just upset because it happened on your watch.”

“Yeah I am.”

“Jen I was kidding”

“I’m not. How do you think it feels when the person who is the love of your life, the person you would protect from anything in the entire world is telling you that in the time he was with you he got so broken he can’t be fixed without professional help? He was looking at me yesterday and so earnestly telling me it wasn’t my fault and it would have happened anyway but all I could hear was I broke him and I didn’t notice and I couldn’t fix him. Being with me is meant to fix him Danni and I couldn’t.”

“Jensen you’re tired and over analysing. He was exhausted and you were smart enough to see he that and send him home.”

“Yeah and that sent him over the edge.”

“But you came out the other end as friends.”

“You know I don’t want to be just friends with him, I don’t even how to be anymore.”

“You two will figure it out. He obviously needs a friend more than anything at the moment Jensen, he’s definitely not getting the support he needs from his wife or she’s just not looking to see he really needs it. I know you love him so you just have to be there in whatever capacity it is that he needs at the moment.”

“I just want to hold him until all the pain is gone and this is a distant memory.”

“You were there last time he went through this so you know he will come out the other end.”

“Yeah but how will we be at the end of all this?”

“I wish I had an answer for you babe, I really do.” She said

 

After they put their wives back on a plane to Dallas Jared and Jensen went back to the house and started reading the script. It was comfortable and relaxed between them as one took an armchair and one took the couch, drinking coffee and silently reading.

They then shared a pizza and not long after Jared said he was going to bed and took himself off to the fourth bedroom. Jensen sat up as long as he could, dreading going back to an empty bed but finally staggered into ‘their’ bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

He was woken early the next morning by rustling. “Jay?” he mumbled as he rolled over more than half asleep

“Sorry Jensen I forgot all my clothes are in here. I’m going for a jog, go back to sleep.” He said before leaving quietly

Jensen watched that tight ass walk out of the room in the loose running shorts connected to legs that went forever and a lean upper body that although was not as bulky as last year was definitely taught and tanned. As he heard the front door close his hand went around his cock and he woke himself up in a way that was becoming too familiar over the last month. Either waking up hard for Jared and having to take care of it or waking up damp after having fantastic dreams and humping the bed like a teenager. Fuck he missed him.

 

Then into their first week of season eleven they went.  Long days, late nights, getting back into the swing of things and Jensen having the added pressure of having to direct as well which was actually great for him because it was taking his mind off Jared.

It was probably the best thing for them until they figured what they were now. Jensen had to go over videos and scenes instead of eating with Jared or just hanging out in one of their trailers like they used to do. Jared would go home earlier than Jensen while Jensen went through the dailies and by the time Jensen had got home there would be dinner in the microwave or oven and Jared would be in his room. The other room, the fourth bedroom, the room Jensen scowled at every time he walked passed it now. When he had gone home the first night, a couple of hours after Jared, he had gone straight through their bedroom to their bathroom only to find all of Jared’s toiletries gone and turning around in shock saw that half the wardrobes were empty too. Boy the kid didn’t miss a trick when it came to cleaning out fast.

He heard talk around the set of Jared not eating as much as he used to and the caterers joking that the food bill was going to come way under budget if he kept this up but he didn’t really pay attention with everything else that had to be done this week.

Then came Wednesday night, or actually early Thursday morning; Jensen was asleep, lying on his stomach, arm curled around a pillow when he felt the bed dip. He woke immediately but lay still, eyes closed, pretending, waiting to see what was happening. Jared curled into a ball facing him like he usually does and slipped his hand into his before sighing and going to sleep. Jensen couldn’t figure out what the hell was happening but the warmth in his bed and his body from having his lover so close had him falling back to sleep instantly and blissfully.

He woke the next morning to hushed swearing and Jared trying to slide quietly out of bed.

“Jay?” he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes

“Sorry Jensen I must have automatically come back in here after peeing last night.”

“Don’t apologise I liked having you back in our bed. And hey nothing happened to me, good or bad.”

“Ha ha.” He said and walked out of the room in boxers. A few minutes later he could have sworn he heard Jared vomiting and he held his breath straining his ears to see if what he heard was correct but all he heard was silence and thought he just imagined it, Jared rarely threw up so it was not a sound he would be familiar with if he heard it anyway.

 

‘This is ridiculous’ Jensen thought to himself, he wasn’t sure if Jared felt it but he felt like he was in limbo. He kept waiting for Jared to break, to say something, to do something. They were still friends like they always were; got up and grabbed coffee, or tea in Jared’s case at the moment, before the car got them in the morning, came home to dinner and television or script revising. In theory they were exactly the same as they always were but it was the little things that were missing, now the conversations were just trivial or stilted. There were no secrets shared, no fears whispered, no touching, stroking, kissing, making out or making love and Jensen was feeling the loss in his chest, it was a craving he was fighting daily and it took everything in him to not go to Jared and brush up against him, brush his hair out of his face, touch his skin or just breathe in his scent. He actually found himself now standing close to Jared on set like Dean and Sam did, just to feel his warmth and while he did this he felt pathetic.

They were coming to the end of the week and ‘joy of all joys’ Jensen thought sarcastically San Diego comic-con. The largest Comic-con in US. Before all the shows started their seasons spoilers and trailers and in their case, usually but not this year, the famous blooper reels were revealed.

Jared usually loved this convention, he had a lot of friends from a lot of shows and it was a great time for them all to get together and catch up. Jensen usually felt Jared’s enthusiasm and got sucked along for the ride leading to late nights, bad hang overs and awkward or embarrassing interviews with a million television and radio stations in a hundred languages. It was utter chaos and Jared usually loved every single minute of it. This year he hadn’t even mentioned it.

Cliff dropped Jensen off at the house Friday night and turned the engine off which he didn’t usually do

“You right Cliff?”

“Yeah coming up to see if Jared’s ready.”

“Ready?” even as he asked this question Jared came out of the house with a bag over his arm, “Jay?”

“Hey Jen, heading to the airport I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“What about San Diego?”

“Yeah I’m heading there straight after the appointment, I’ll see you there.” He gave him a pat on the shoulder and climbed into the car next to Cliff.

And once again Jensen was left home alone and feeling even more shut out of Jared’s life. Had he actually dropped the ball by putting in so many hours this week? He didn’t know what was the right way to go anymore, and walked into the empty house.

 

Jared looked out over the city of San Diego as his plane was coming down. Beside him was an empty seat. He had booked two, he had hoped he would get up the courage to ask Jensen to come home with him and then onto San Diego but he had chickened out and now sat here staring out the window wondering if he should get off the plane at all or stay on and go back home, as if that was even an option. If there was one con they had to attend this was it, ‘The Con’. Every other year he had Jensen sitting beside him, squeezing his hand with anticipation as the plane descended.

He missed Jensen desperately. Every night it pained him to climb into the fourth bedroom bed and he would lie there for hours fighting the urge to get up and go to their bed where Jensen was sleeping. Yes he felt calmer being in the same house as Jensen but he wasn’t complete and he was tired of the words not said, left hanging between them. He supposed they had got back to some kind of friendly routine, they were talking, doing what they usually did, but the heart of their whole relationship was missing and it was making him sick to the stomach, that plus the medication the doc had just taken him off.

That was the other thing keeping him in the fourth bedroom and lying awake at night, his medication was helping with the anxiety he felt in his head but it was definitely not helping with his stomach and nausea and vomiting had become a constant companion over the week. He was actually surprised no one noticed and pulled him aside, in the past Jensen would have noticed and started stressing straight away so Jared was grateful that Jensen was too busy with directing this week, and he had made sure to stay out of his way off set so he didn’t pick up on anything. He had rung the doctor during the week and although he had recommended him seeing someone in Vancouver Jared was happy to wait until the weekend and get back to his regular psychologist. He had now been given another script although was told to hold off for a couple of days until this one was out of his system.

Jared got off the plane and saw Cliff waiting for him

“Jen here?” he asked as they walked to the exit

“Arrived a couple of hours ago, at the hotel napping.”

“How’s it look?”

“As chaotic as usual. What are our plans for the weekend?” Cliff asked as they walked along. It was presumed that where Jared went Cliff went, firstly because where Jared was Jensen usually was and secondly Jared was such an outgoing person people came at him all the time and got a little too familiar with him and in his space sometimes. Jared was never rude and Cliff was never rough, just kept an invisible barrier between the boys and the fans.

“I don’t know. We didn’t really need to be here until tomorrow so I guess a quiet dinner and back to the room, are Mark and Misha here yet?”

“Mark’s here with Sarah and I’ve seen Misha out in the crowd somewhere. And I know you and your quiet dinners Jared”

“Nah man not this year, I don’t feel up to it. I’ll hit the room and say hi but that’s it.”

Cliff snorted somehow sensing that would be Jared’s famous last words

 

TBC


	27. Chapter 27

Jared and Jensen had dinner with Mark and his girlfriend and a number of other crew from their show, Jensen then said his goodnights, tired from a big week and Jared said he was going to pop in and say hi to a few people before hitting his room. He was warned by one of the producers to behave himself, assured him he was not in the mood tonight and headed off, Cliff close at hand.

 

It was close to midnight when Jensen’s phone rang, waking him from a deep sleep, it stopped again straight away but he’d shot up in bed and had bad thoughts at a phone ringing this late at night. It may have been a wrong number but he poked the screen anyway and saw Jared’s name on screen. What the fuck? He said he was having an early night. Jensen rubbed his face and pushed Jared’s number

“Lo?” a drunk voice laughed

“Who’s this?” Jensen growled, had Jared lost his phone, was he going to have to change his fucking number, what the hell else was in Jared’s phone if he lost it

“Stephen.” The voice laughed

“Stephen? Not fucking Amell?” Jensen growled again, anger coursing through his body

“Yes I’m Stephen fucking Amell.” The voice laughed down the line

“Where’s Jared?”

“Dunno. Had to take a leak I think. Hey Aisha where’s Jay’s cute tight ass at?” Stephen yelled and that did it. No one fucking called Jared Jay except him and no one looked at his ass. Jensen hung up the phone and got up and started getting dressed while ringing Cliff on speaker phone

“What?” Cliff growled down the line, no one was a fan of being woken at this time of night

“What? What the fuck Cliff?”

“Why are you yelling at me?”

“Where the fuck is Jared?”

“In bed?”

“Where the fuck are you?”

“In bed.”

“Then why the fuck does Stephen fucking Amell have Jared’s phone?”

“I’ll call you back.” He said and Jensen swore and walked out the door of his room in time to see Cliff swipe his card into Jared’s door. He came out swearing, “He’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Obviously back downstairs if Amell has his phone.”

“How did that even fucking happen?”

“I don’t know, he was sick and throwing up when I put him in his room.”

“Throwing up?”

“Jensen can you please stop repeating everything I say, I’ll go get him.”

“I’m coming.”

“Not a good idea dude, you and Amell in the same room when one of you is drunk, not good.”

“If Jared is sick and throwing up I am coming. What the fuck was he thinking if he was sick?”

They got down to the room where all the casts from all the shows were hanging out. It was dark and smelt of sweat, stale alcohol, and smoke that was tobacco and not quite tobacco. Music was pounding and Jensen ended up sliding in behind Cliff and sticking close to him because strangers kept grabbing at him.

Finally he saw people he recognized,

“Yo Salvatore.” He yelled

“Yo Winchester” they replied with smiles and they gave each other the one arm man hug

“You seen Jared around?” he asked casually and they looked at each other before nodding

“And?”

“And he’s with that roided up Arrow douche.” Paul answered

“And which direction would I find the dick?” Jensen asked with a smile on his face although the tone of his voice conveyed something quite different. They pointed and Cliff and Jensen walked off.

“Aisha” he yelled when he saw her in the crowd

“Uh oh.” She said and came over

“Uh oh?” he questioned, eyebrows raised

“I was trying to get him out of here and back up to his hotel room before you had to get involved. How did you find out?” she was acting like a high school kid that just got busted by her parents

“Fucking Amell rang my phone.”

“Fucking idiot. Nice dude until he gets vodka in him. Then he’s a fucking lunatic.”

“I took Jared upstairs.” Cliff snapped at her

“Yeah Stephen went up five minutes after and convinced Jared to come back down for a few minutes.”

“That was two hours ago.”

“Yeah Jared wasn’t drinking and it pissed Stephen off, I think he spiked Jared’s coke with vodka.”

“And you think that because?”

“Jared’s been throwing up and…”

“And?” Jensen himself felt like he was going to throw up now.

“And he gets a little handsy when drunk yeah?”

“Oh fuck, where is he?” Handsy Jared was an understatement.

“Bathroom. I was waiting for him to come out but he didn’t so I sent Stephen in.”

“Fuck!” Jensen yelled so loudly ten people around him turned, “What are you all looking at?” he growled and actually heard someone ask if they were filming at the moment. Fucking idiots, drunk fucking idiots.

“Wow so that’s what that voice sounds like in real life.” Aisha said as she followed him and Cliff to the Men’s Room.

“Do I want to know how handsy?”

“Oh nothing bad, didn’t find him wrapped around any fan girls he just gets clingy and huggy and smooch but in a friendly way.” She said as they walked. It wasn’t fan girls Jensen was worried about.

“Cliff stay here.”

“Ah no, the studio made me promise no one would end up in jail or hospital, I’m guessing that means you or anyone you come in contact with.”

Jensen threw open the bathroom door and found Jared on his knees leaning over the bowl throwing up. Stephen was standing right behind him, completely in his personal space, stroking a hand through Jared’s hair and from where Jensen was standing he was pretty sure he could see him stroking himself with the other hand

“Jay?” he growled

“Jen?” Jared sat on the dirty floor and looked up at him, completely ignoring Amell which was a good thing for Jensen’s sanity

“Get him out of here.” Jensen growled at Cliff and Cliff grabbed Stephen’s arm and hauled him out the door, “And get Jared’s fucking phone off him” Jensen yelled and Cliff acknowledged

“Jen what are you doing here?” Jared had tears streaming down his face, his hair was damp with sweat and stuck to his forehead and his skin was grey

“Didn’t want to miss the party.” He said quietly as he put his hand out to pull him up.

“I don’t feel too good and I promise I haven’t been drinking. I was trying to get back to my room but I didn’t quite make it” Jared was almost whimpering

“It’s ok.” He said quietly, “Get the fuck out.” He roared as someone tried to come in the room

“Take it upstairs dude this room is for leaking.” The guy slurred harshly, Jensen vaguely recognized him from that Zombie show. Jensen leaned Jared gently up against a wall and kept himself between him and this drunk idiot so he couldn’t see anything.

“Get the fuck out now.” Jensen yelled and pushed him towards the door. Cliff opened the door and Ian and Paul came in at the same time as the idiot was dragged out, and took in the scene

“He ok man?” Ian asked quietly while Paul opened the door, took the bottle of water out of Aisha’s hand and shut the door again before handing it to Jensen. It was obvious to these men that no one was going to be able to get close to Jared at the moment, Jensen was guarding him like a pit bull.

“He’s sick and he shouldn’t be drinking.” Jensen muttered as he handed Jared the bottle of water. He then pulled some hand towel out, dampened it and wiped down Jared’s face. They were on screen brothers, they worked closely together and this was well known around the CW lot so it would not look unusual for Ian and Paul to see Jensen looking after him.

“But Jen I promise I didn’t drink, I promised you.” Jared muttered with tears streaming down his face again

“Shh Jay it’s ok. I think that fuckwit Amell has been spiking your drinks.”

“Fucking idiot.” Paul yelled and stepped outside. Jensen could hear angry words being said but was too busy looking after Jared.

“You might wanna go out there and look after your brother dude, Cliff won’t let anything happen to him but hate for anyone to end up in jail on our behalf.” Jensen said

“I got his back.” Ian said and walked out the room

“Come on Jay let’s get you upstairs.”

“I didn’t do anything, he’s just a friend Jen.”

“Yeah well with friend’s like him who needs enemies. Jay Aisha said he put vodka in your drink.”

“The medicine is making me sick man, I’ve been throwing up all week so I knew I couldn’t drink and I promised you I wouldn’t.”

“Come on.” Jensen said and wrapped an arm around his back to support him as he walked.

As the bathroom door opened Aisha hugged Jared and apologized, Paul and Ian took the front and Cliff gave Stephen a big shove back, bouncing him off a wall before taking the rear as Jensen all but carried Jared out of the room. When they got the entrance he turned and shook the Salvatore brother’s hands.

“Thanks guys, appreciate the back up.”

“Us brothers gotta look out for each other right? Plus maybe you’ll stop joking about coming to kill us.” Ian said with a wink and a slap on the back

Jensen held onto Jared all the way back up to his room. Cliff swiped them in and asked if he needed him to stay but Jensen said he had it.

Jensen undressed Jared and lightly pushed him into the shower. He then handed him a toothbrush with paste on it. Jared stood there for a few minutes before brushing his teeth and finally picking up the soap and washing himself down. After standing there for a few more minutes Jensen leaned in, turned off the water and pulled him out before toweling him down and dressing him in pajama bottoms. Over the last couple of weeks he had thought Jared’s profile had been filling out again but now Jensen had him in his arms he could feel his skeleton under the skin. Obviously the seven layers of clothes they wore while filming had hidden what was going on.

He then gently pushed him into bed before kicking off his shoes and climbing in beside him

“Jay what do you mean the medicine’s been making you sick?” he asked gently

“I’ve been feeling sick or throwing up all week. I knew I couldn’t drink tonight because I’ve got nothing in my stomach.”

“You threw up dinner?”

“Yeah I throw up everything.” Jared sighed

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick this week?”

“We’re just back at work and you were directing, you didn’t need me being a baby.”

“Jay we promised we would tell each other everything.”

“I know but it’s been a little weird this week.”

“Yeah I know.” Jensen sighed, “So you talked to the doctor?”

“Yeah He’s given me a different script but I have to wait a few days.”

“Jay you are killing me man.” He said quietly as he ran his fingers through his hair

“I’m trying Jensen I promise I’m trying.”

“I know that, God don’t you think I know that. You have had blow after blow after blow at the moment, we can’t seem to catch a break.”

“It’ll be ok Jen I promise. This new medicine is meant to work and you won’t have to worry.”

“Jay I will worry about you until the day I die.” Jensen sighed and pulled Jared into his arms. “Please don’t cry.” He whispered as he felt the warm damp through his shirt

“Jen would I be pushing our friendship if I asked you to stay with me tonight? I’m so tired and I just need you here. You can sleep in the other bed if you like.”

“I’d like better to keep you in my arms if that’s ok.” Jensen whispered and lent down to kiss Jared’s forehead.

“Thank you.” Jared whispered and curled up into Jensen

“I’m just gonna go next door and grab my pajamas ok and I’ll be back.”

“K”

Jensen grabbed the swipe card off Jared’s dresser, went next door, grabbed his sleep pants and came back to his room. After changing he climbed in next to Jared and Jared wrapped himself around him. They both let out unconscious sighs as their hands found each other’s and they fell asleep.

A few hours later Jensen woke up alone, he felt the warm spot beside him and wondered what woke him until he heard the noise again, Jared throwing up.

He jumped out of bed and went into the bathroom.

“Jay?”

“Go away Jen it’s ok and I don’t want you to see…” the rest of his sentence cut off by another wave of nausea

Jensen filled a glass with water before getting a wash cloth and dampening it. When it seemed Jared had stopped for the moment Jensen flushed the toilet, handed Jared the glass and started wiping down his face and neck

“Thank you.” Jared whispered with his eyes closed, leaning into Jensen and the cool washcloth

“I wish I had known you were going through this Jay, it didn’t show at all through the week.”

“It’s ok Jen hopefully this stuff’ll be out of my system soon.”

“Come on let’s get you back to bed.” Jensen said and pulled him up.

“Brush my teeth first.” Jared muttered as he headed to the sink. Jensen stayed leaning against the door jamb, he didn’t want to let him out of his sight at the moment.

After they climbed back into bed Jared curled into Jensen again and Jensen could feel his body trembling

“Jen?” he whispered

“Hmm?” Jensen asked and leaned down, as he ran his hand up and down his back in a soothing manner, to hear Jared clearer. Jared just lifted his hand up to the back of Jensen’s neck to pull him down to his lips, it was a soft kiss, closed mouthed, almost a friendly peck that hung there for a moment

“Jay?”

“Sorry just saying thank you for coming and getting me. I was trying to ring Cliff when Stephen took my phone.”

“I am going to kill him.” Jensen growled low, he was trying to keep his body calm since Jared was wrapped around him but the pure rage he felt ripple through his body was hard to hide.

“Shh Jen it’s ok, You came and got me. Let’s got back to sleep.” Jared said and did just that leaving Jensen awake and gently running his finger through his hair while thinking of all the ways he was going to hurt or maim Stephen fucking Amell.

 

TBC


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost finished - thank you for hanging with me and please feel free to comment

The next morning Jensen was woken up by knocking at the hotel room door and as he climbed out of bed Jared muttered and tried to grab at him

Jensen opened the door and came face to face with the man he had been contemplating killing last night.

“Cliff” he yelled straight away as he pulled the door almost closed. He wasn’t worried about being left alone with Stephen he was more worried what he might do to him if Cliff wasn’t there to hold him back.

“What the fuck are you doing here Amell?” he growled as Cliff came out of his room and let out a quiet swear word before walking up. Jensen motioned him to stay back

“Me? I thought this was Jared’s room?” Stephen said as he tried looking around Jensen but Jensen had a tight hold on the door

“What. Are. You. Doing. Here. Amell?” Jensen growled again

“I just came to check on Jay. Aisha said he was sick last night.”

“Firstly never, ever call him Jay again. His name is Jared and that is all you get to call him and secondly standing over him while he was throwing up didn’t give you an idea he was fucking sick?”

“Hey we were all throwing up last night.” He said with a shrug and Jensen took a step forward, he knew his fist was clenched and he could feel it tingling with the urge. Cliff took a step forward as if to stop Jensen so Jensen took a deep breath. Stephen in all his stupidity had no clue as to the atmosphere around them.

“Jared is fine no thanks to you so you can piss off now.” Jensen said.

“Hey bro…”

“Amell we are not fucking bros and if we didn’t work for the same studios you wouldn’t even be fucking standing now. You’re a fucking overgrown child.”

“Jesus Jensen lighten up I was just having a little fun with your co-a star nothing to get your balls in a twist over.”

“Hey what’s going on?” Jared said as he opened the door and staggered outside half asleep.

“Well, well isn’t this cosy.” Stephen said as he took in both Jensen and Jared in their pajama bottoms

“I had to stay here last night because he was sick you moron.”

“Oh and a grown man can’t take care of himself, need you to hold his hand?” Stephen teased with pouted lips, “Any time you need someone to hold your hair back Jay give me a call.” He said suggestively with a wink.

Jensen took a huge step forward but before either he or Cliff could do anything Jared stepped up and pushed Stephen so hard he bounced off the wall on the other side of the hallway

“Jay what the fuck?” Stephen said as he straightened up

“You ask me what the fuck? You’re meant to be my friend man and Jensen said you spiked my drinks.” Jared said as he stepped right up to him, getting in his space and leaning over him

“You needed to loosen up. We always party at this thing, it was a crock you not drinking.” Stephen said but it was obvious he was cringing away

“Get the fuck off this floor now before I pummel you. You’re done with the convention so get out.”

“Come on Jay.”

“It is Jared, you call me Jay one more time and the studio will be finding a dental surgeon to get your teeth put back in before the season starts.”

“I don’t think the legal department would like that.” Stephen heaved

“Yeah about as much as they like the fact you were spiking my drinks.”

“Oh come on”

“In public with witnesses if what Jensen tells me is true.”

“And I witnessed more than that Amell.” Jensen said as he looked him straight in the eye. Stephen blushed and looked down before muttering an apology and walking away

“What Jen?” Jared turned to ask him

“Nothing, I was just calling his bluff.” Jensen lied and gave Cliff a slap on the back before walking back into the room. There was no way he was going to tell Jared he saw Amell with his hand down his pants. As much as he hated the dick he knew Jared considered him a friend. They were just angry and maybe hung over from last night so the friendship may still remain after this. It was up to Jared to find out what a prick Amell was and then make a decision. Jensen wasn’t going to be held responsible for breaking up their friendship.

“So what’s the plan boys?” Cliff asked as he followed them into the room

“Shower, breakfast and we have to hit the floor before the panel. Give us half an hour and tell Mark and Misha we’ll meet them in the dining room.” Jensen said as he grabbed his room key off the bedside table. “And thanks Cliff.” Jensen added

“No problems and sounds good to me.” He said and walked out, Jensen started following him but Jared grabbed his arm and held him back

“What?”

“I just want to say thank you for last night, thank you for being there and thank you for staying here.”

“Any time Jay you know that.”

“I just…you know…”

“Jay it’s all good, we’re good, I’ll come knock on your door when I’m ready.” He said with a smile before walking out the door.

 

They walked through the dining room, acknowledging people and chatting as they went. Nearly everyone looked a little worse for wear this morning and some people looked like they hadn’t even hit their room yet. They took a seat by the window and Jensen looked up from his plate of bacon, eggs and toast and over to Jared’s plate of fruit and toast

“Jay you can’t survive just on that.” He muttered as he looked up at him.

“I’ll be fine Jen, I’d rather not risk it out on the floor.” Jared smiled and reached over to pat him on the shoulder, his public manly way of telling Jensen not to worry.

“How are you feeling?”

“A little better actually, not so sick this morning.” He smiled although as it has been for the last weeks it wasn’t quite reaching his eyes

“Moose, Squirrel.” Mark said as he sat down with them, holding coffee in his hand, “How we doing this morning? See you got your appetite back Squirrel all good in the world?”

“Jen?” Jared frowned at him, concerned

“He’s talking about Australia when things weren’t too good.”

“Understatement.” Mark smiled

“What…” Jared looked confused

“Mark knows Jay, apparently I shouldn’t drink when upset because I let the cat out of the bag.”

“I already guessed.” Mark said smugly

“Bull shit.” Jensen said and went back to eating his breakfast while Jared just stared at the two of them with his mouth open.

“Come on Moose catch up.”

“You know? He knows? Have you talked to legal?”

“Jesus Jared if I was going to shoot my mouth off don’t you think I would have done that by now. You can trust me.”

“I’m sorry Mark I know but as Jensen keeps reminding me so many people’s careers depend on this not coming out.” Jared was starting to shallow breathe and look around the room

“Jay it’s ok. Breathe.” Jensen whispered as he leaned across and gently ran his fingers over Jared’s hand before going back to eat.

“What do you actually know?”

“That Jensen likes your pajamas and likes them more when they’re on the floor.”

“Shut up.” Jensen growled and Jared blushed scarlet, Jensen loved that he could still do that, loved it when he was twenty-two and hasn’t stopped since.

“What else? Who else?” Jared gasped

“Jim” Jensen said the same time as Mark said “No one.” Jared looked between them both, hearing both answers then his eyes widened again

“Jim?” he croaked, “Jensen…”

“Hey that one was not on me. He said he guessed from watching us on set.”

“Really? Old man’s not as naïve as I thought he was.” Mark smiled

“What the hell happened after I came home Jensen? We have gone six years without anyone finding out, I come home a week and a half early and you out us to everyone. Do you really not want to work with me anymore?” Jared hissed at Jensen frantically

“Calm down Moose, it’s all good, we’re all good. Look I’ll sign a piece of paper if you need me to but I’m offended you’d think I’d put it out there and I’m sure Uncle Bobby would do the same.”

“I’ll see you on the floor.” Jared said before pushing his chair back roughly and leaving the room. Jensen looked at his plate and noted he had hardly touched anything. He sighed and ran his hands over his face.

“Sorry Jensen.”

“Nah man that wasn’t on you. I should have told him when I got back.”

“So what’s happening?”

 “Oh we are just the bestest of friends.” Jensen sang sarcastically

“So still nothing on the boyfriend front.”

“We have had hit after hit since I got back. It’s a fucking miracle we haven’t killed each other yet alone are still talking to each other”

“I heard about Amell.”

“Do not even mention that name to me, fucking idiot.”

“Hi guys.” Misha flopped down into Jared’s seat

“Well you look like crap.” Jensen said

“Fucking sick as a dog man, let’s get through the panel and I’m out. The three of you will be fine at Nerd HQ without me.”

“Well this is just turning into a fucking fantastic weekend.” Jensen said as he threw his napkin onto his half empty plate

“Cheer up Squirrel, let’s go find Moose and have some fun.”

“And how the fuck are we gonna do that? There is a million people out there.”

“Cliff.” Mark said and got up as Jensen pulled his phone out of his pocket

“Cliff where are you?”

“Outside the dining room.”

“Jared?” Jensen asked as he came out the door and hung up the phone

“Bathroom.” Cliff said and nodded his head in that direction

“Jay?” he asked quietly as he went in. Miracle of miracles there was no one else in there right at the minute

“Yeah.” A low growl came from the last stall. Jensen crouched and looked down. Pants still up and not on his knees. Not actually using the toilet and not throwing up.

“Can I come in?” he asked and heard a sigh before the door unlocked and he pushed it open.

Jared was pale and Jensen could tell he had had is head between his knees.

“Jay it’s ok, if there were any two people we would want to find out it would be those two and maybe Jeff. They’re ok with it and I trust them to keep their mouth shut.” Jensen said as he crouched in front of him

“We don’t need any more pressure on us at the moment Jen. We’re just learning how to be friends again and that has been a little weird and now people are going to be staring at us, watching us.”

“No one is going to be staring or watching. It’s all good Jay.”

“Maybe we should make this the last season.” Jared muttered

“Jared let’s not jump to conclusions when you are tired and sick. How are you feeling? You hardly ate anything.”

“I’m ok I just got a shock…”

“Misha for fucks sake.” They heard Mark yell as the door opened, probably trying to give them warning in case they were doing anything R Rated, as if that ever happened anymore. Jensen stood up and looked outside

“I know you two are air quote brothers but I think the guy can take a dump without you holding his hand Jensen.” Misha said as he stepped up to a urinal.

“Shut up Misha we’re just talking.”

“In the stall of a Men’s room? Yeah I’ve heard about talks like that.” Misha smiled as he amused himself. Jensen took a big step forward but Jared grabbed his arm and held him back. At the same time Mark and Cliff walked into the bathroom and kind of picked up on the tension Misha was too dumb to feel.

“So this is cosy, a Supernatural pissing competition literally, I’m game.” Mark joked to break the tension and stepped up to the urinal.

“Oh I would kick your ass.” Misha said

“In your dreams trench coat didn’t you hear I got three inches added?” Mark smiled evilly at him and Misha burst out laughing.

Jensen put his arm around Jared and led them out of the room while neither of them were looking, “Are we good?”

“Yeah we’re good.” Jared said and they leaned up against the wall waiting for the pissing competition inside to be over and for extra security to come and get them.

They got to their big ass round booth and signed a million autographs, had million photos taken and probably hugged a thousand people. It was insane and chaos and loud and Jensen had a huge smile on his face as he looked over at Jared to see him naturally smiling too. The energy and the love coming from the fans was infectious.

Next up they hit the Q & A Panel. Sitting up on stage looking out into the dark knowing there was a sea of people out there was intimidating. As the conventions got larger and more professional Jared used to occasionally freak out about not being able to see the people and not knowing if someone was coming at them but Jensen reminded him of all the security staff around to ensure no one could get close to them and then they got Cliff and finally Jared felt safe.

Now Jared walked out and sat down and as Jensen followed him he gave him a pat on the thigh before gently squeezing it just letting him know he had his back.

It was a normal Q & A, the conversation was rolling, Mark was being awesome and stepping up to the plate keeping the humor there but half way through all of a sudden lights started appearing in the crowd, first ten then a hundred then it seemed the whole crowd was alight with thousands of lights. Jared didn’t know what was going on, no one on stage did, but he pulled out his phone and took photos it was only when someone yelled out Always Keep Fighting that he understood what was going on and he had to lean back from the microphone and take a deep breath to stop from bursting into tears. He felt Jensen brush his hand along his arm. Keep strong and he had him. He was doing ok right up until Richard told him to read the card that was put in front of him that went with a small battery operated candle.

He was going to lose it, he could feel his chest tightening and the tears forming and he really had to deep breathe to keep going and not burst into tears. He could feel Jensen’s warmth close to him and his hand rest on his thigh and that was the only thing that kept him in his seat and not in a ball under the table in tears.

They finally finished with the panel and left the stage, Jensen had his arm around Jared and was directing him to a corner but Jared pulled away and went up to Mark

“Thanks Man.” He said as he leaned down to give him a hug

“What’d I do?”

“You know.” Jared said and walked away. Mark had carried a lot of the panel with Jensen today. Jared had sat back, overwhelmed by everything, and he didn’t know what was going on with Misha but he wasn’t his usual obnoxious self either. He then walked back to Jensen and let him lead him away.

They found a corner right at the back of the stage that no one was going near. Mark was making enough noise to divert attention from them and Cliff stood a distance away, making sure no one came near. Jensen spun around and wrapped his arms around Jared. Hugging him tight

“Jen.” Jared cried brokenly

“Shhh, that was awesome.”

“I didn’t deserve it.”

“Jay you deserve that and a thousand times more.”

“No I don’t.”

“Jay you help people every day with your strength and your willingness to share. You help and you deserve to be recognized for it.”

“You should get recognition too. I feel bad that all of that is directed at me.”

“Hey that happening to you is like it happened to me. I was there I saw it all, I will never forget that amazing sight.”

“After everything we have been through this summer, everything I have put you through, I don’t deserve any of that, if they knew the real me…”

“They would love you even more Jay. Your heart is too big that is what your problem is. You broke up with me and then spent the whole summer angsting about it. You’re meant to dump my ass and go out and party not sit at home worrying about me. You care too much and worry too much about other people because your heart is too big but that’s why I love you.”

“You still love me after everything I’ve put you through?” he asked quietly, looking at the ground

“Jared I will love you until the day I die and after that. When are you going to realise that?”

“I don’t deserve…”

“Don’t even say it. You deserve all of that love that was shown to you out there on stage and you deserve all the love I have in me, because it is all yours. You deserve it all Jay and stop thinking or saying otherwise.”

“Kiss me?” he whispered so quietly Jensen almost missed it but didn’t

Jensen looked around to make sure they were truly under the radar before stepping right up to Jared and pulling his head down. It was a gentle kiss. Lips brushing against each other like butterfly wings before Jared sighed and put his hands on Jensen’s hips to pull him in closer. His tongue darted out and shyly skittered across Jensen’s lower lip before Jensen groaned and sucked it into his own mouth. Jared whimpered and clenched tighter onto Jensen’s hips before pulling him away from him. Jensen frowned, leaning forward, trying to chase contact again

“Jen we have to stop or neither of us will be able to do round tables.”

“Fuck I forgot about round tables, I was thinking I had time to take you upstairs before Nerd HQ”

“There’s not that much time.” Jared openly smiled and Jensen melted

“Oh no I wasn’t thinking that, although I like where your mind’s at, I was thinking I’d just like to make out with you like a fifteen year old for half an hour or so.”

“We’re not fifteen anymore Jen.”

“Come on let’s go do these stupid round tables but Jay just remember, you are worthy of everything that was given to you today, keep that in your head and don’t ever doubt that. You are loved.”

“Thank you.” Jared said and bent down to lightly kiss Jensen again before turning away.

They hit the round table interviews and although they were separated Jensen kept a close eye on Jared and made sure Cliff stayed close just in case he broke down. Jensen did not want any of these people to see Jared’s weakness and take advantage of it. As they moved from table to table Jensen made sure he brushed against Jared or smacked his butt, trying to pass some of his energy onto him and at one interview, not actually even thinking as he did it, he pulled Jared’s beanie off and ran his hands through his hair. He made a joke about it and moved on but he could feel the tremble of Jared’s body in his fingertips all through the whole next interview.

They went straight from the interviews to Nerd HQ and Aisha came and again apologized to Jared and Jensen before hitting the stage. It was an enjoyable hour with Jared feeling more relaxed in this more informal environment and with Jensen right beside and within touching distance which he did quite often, firstly just to get some of his calm and secondly just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming and that Jensen was still sitting beside him and maybe, just maybe things were starting to make their way back on track. Two hours after his lips were still tingling from the kisses back stage and although that could not be investigated further here as they were getting on a plane as soon as they left the theatre, hopefully soon they could explore the feelings they had just shared.

 

TBC


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it people - the preview to the last chapter - I am freaking about writing it because I want to give it & them the end they deserve. I hope I get it right but for those thinking God just end it already - one more chapter people and it will be over. I will miss these characters but it has to end sometime.  
> Please feel free to leave comments

Jensen flopped down on the bed and sighed. He had felt like he had been getting somewhere with Jared, the kisses back stage had been fantastic and they were back to touching and brushing against each other. The months apart had made them crave that contact, no matter how trivial, to build their energy back up. So lying in bed by himself was not how he had expected this weekend to end.

Although he and Jared had been sitting next to each other on the plane Jared wouldn’t let him near him due to Mark being beside them. He said it was one thing to know Mark knew but there was no way he was putting on a public display in front of him, even though Jensen just wanted to hold his hand; and then half way through the flight Jensen literally saw Jared turn green before he jumped up and quickly scuttled to the toilet.

“Dude are you ok?” Jensen asked when he came back to his seat, handing him a bottle of water he had gotten from the air hostess.

“Shouldn’t have eaten all that candy on stage. I forgot.”

“Is that the first time you’ve thrown up today?”

“Yeah but it was the first thing I’d eaten. I feel like it’s getting better though.” He gave him a small apologetic smile and Jensen felt himself relax.

After Cliff dropped them back at the house Jared said he was having a shower and changing and headed towards the fourth bedroom while Jensen went and ordered a pizza for them. Half an hour later, after the pizza arrived, Jensen went to find out what was keeping Jared only to find him asleep on the bed.

Jensen stood there and looked at him. He had showered and pulled on his sweat pants but his towel was still on the floor which meant maybe he had felt dizzy or just sat down for a minute and had fallen asleep. Looking at his shirtless chest, although stirred his cock, also stirred his nurturing nature, Jared was pale and thin still and looking at his eyes he could see shadows under them. He sighed as he pulled a blanket over him and walked back to the living room.

The next morning had them up early and back on set for the start of another week, the filming of the first episode of the season. They had to film episode three first, for Jensen, so it always confused Jensen a little to go backwards, it was kind of anti-climactic to be filming the season opener when you know what’s happening in episode three but they did specifically for him so there was no way he was going to say anything.

Jared had woken up as if the weekend had never happened, treating him like a friend and keeping his distance. Jensen could feel his eyes on him though every time he looked at him and if he looked up quickly and caught him he would blush and look away. It was the sexiest thing Jensen had seen in ages and gave him hope. It was safe to say Jensen was harder this week then he had since he was a teenager and he was surprised he hadn’t gone blind or have friction burn from the number of times he had to take care of himself.

It was Jared’s birthday this weekend and although in the past that had meant them spending time together Jensen didn’t know what the plans were for this year, Jared never mentioned it and Danni hadn’t said anything when he talked to her on the phone so maybe there were no plans in place, maybe Jared was having a quiet one or, his worst fears, Jared was celebrating without him. He knew what he had to do and although they had reached a tentative impasse he wasn’t particularly thrilled to have to ring Genevieve and ask what the plans were. They were having a birthday dinner with friends and although it was on Saturday night Jensen begged and pleaded for Genevieve to make it Friday night

“Please Genevieve I just need to spend some time with him, can I please have Saturday night?”

“And what am I supposed to tell Jared? He’s not usually a fan of doing things Friday night, as you know, he likes to come home and have a quiet one.”

“Don’t tell him why and I’ll take care of the rest of it thanks Genevieve.” Jensen said and hung up the phone before she could argue or realise she hadn’t actually agreed.

He needed this time with Jared and he was going to make it a birthday he hopefully remembered for a long time.

 

Jared and Jensen sat on the plane together. Jensen had the window seat as Jared needed the aisle for his long legs and Jensen now had his head resting against the window and his eyes closed, relaxing, just listening to Jared breathe, his happy place. Jared had his head rested back on a cushion and was dozing. Although he wasn’t aware Jensen had asked for it he was only too happy to have an early mark on Friday afternoon and Jensen pretended he had managed to fandangle two seats on an earlier flight home, something he had organized Wednesday as soon as the suits gave them permission for a short day. He had tentative plans in place for Saturday, he just had a few final things to do when they touched down.

Once they hit the airport their families were waiting for them and after hugs to wives and kids they went in separate directions. Jensen couldn’t help but notice the small glance Jared gave him under his hair. This was the first time they had flown into Austin together since the break up and it was hugely different to their usual homecomings which had one of them or Cliff driving the two of them home as they held hands and chatted about plans. Jensen had made a point of not asking what Jared was up to this weekend and didn’t mention his birthday at all. They usually celebrated on the set and Jensen had asked for the cake to be pushed to Monday since Jared had plans and his birthday was on Sunday anyway. He could see the hurt in Jared’s eyes at what seemed to be everyone forgetting his special day but Jensen hoped his plans tomorrow night, and his explanation, would make up for that.

 

Jared sat at the dinner table with his wife and his friends and although he was having a good time, felt like something or someone was missing. Jensen. He couldn’t believe that no one had wished him happy birthday today before he left set and Jensen hadn’t mentioned it at all, they may not be together together but they were friends and they had celebrated each other’s birthdays for the last nine years, it was hard to believe he forgot it, did he think he didn’t have to celebrate now they were no longer together or was he punishing him for splitting up with him? All of this was going through his mind while he was pretending to smile and contribute to the chatter going on around him. He picked up his phone for the hundredth time to see if he had got a message and was trying to decide if he should send one when it vibrated in his hand…

_Just breathe_

_Jen?_

_It’s all good_

_What?_

_I can feel you from my house stressing…OVER NOTHING._

_I’m not I’m out with friends_

_Jay…_

_FINE :(_ _  
_

_How do you feel?_

_Meds good, I’m good I AM BREATHING_

_Good :)_ _  
_

_You do know what day it is Sunday?_

_National Moose Day?_

_You didn’t say anything_

_What are you? 10?_

_No it’s just…you know_

_Geez how do you sound awkward even in text messages_

_Jen!_

_Go back to your dinner with your FRIENDS_

_You’re my friend_

_Have you been drinking?_

_NO I promised_

_Jared there is nothing to stress about, have a good night_

Jared was about to respond when Genevieve kicked him under the table. He looked up to find everyone staring at him.

“Sorry did I miss something?”

“Nah man you were just frowning like you got bad news. All good?”

“Yeah, yeah sorry man just work stuff. You would think when you weren’t on set that would be that but apparently not.” Jared said and slipped his phone back into his pocket

 

Jensen had been sitting at home making plans for tomorrow when all of a sudden it hit him that right now, with Jared like he was, might not have been the best time to pretend everyone had forgotten his birthday. He was vulnerable at the moment and needed to know people were thinking of him. He freaked himself out then thinking he was so dumb for doing that. He decided he would message him and try to pick up on his vibes but make it casual, there was not point pushing his paranoia onto Jared who was already fragile. He may not be thinking about it at all. He had sat there for five minutes trying to decide how to start the conversation. Jared could tell him to fuck off he was partying or he could let him know what he was thinking. The fact that Jared replied straight away made him aware of what was going through his mind. Jensen decided to be casual and joking about it. He knew what he had planned for tomorrow and that was enough time to be deep and meaningful, tonight wasn’t about him or them. Since Jared didn’t reply once he told him to have a good night he hoped he had achieved what he set out to, put his mind at ease.

 

“So what’s the plan for today?” Jared asks as he flops down at the kitchen bench next to the boys

“I don’t know.” She shrugs

“What? Didn’t we have plans?”

“You do, I don’t.”

“Gen?”

“Jensen is coming to pick you up about lunch time.”

“What are we doing?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know if I want to know.” She grimaces

“Gen what’s going on?” his face is open and understanding

“Look I know you two had a past and I know you still love him and I don’t know what’s going on and I know you promised me you would tell me if anything changed but I feel…I don’t know I can’t explain it…part possessive and part jealous?”

“I thought you were ok? I thought we were ok?” it was so quiet it was almost a whisper

“We are, right now, because you have been with just me. But what would you do if Jensen said he forgave you everything you have put him and wanted to give the two of you another go?”

“I would be the luckiest man in the world.” Jared shrugged and smiled

“What?”

“Gen I promised you I would tell if something was going to change and I will and I am. I can only hope that today or tonight Jensen says he forgives me and wants me back. I am missing half of me without him and you know that, you can see that.”

“I know.” It was a defeated sigh.

“Look today may be nothing, just a couple of mates but I want to know that you will be ok if it is more than that.”

“What if I’m not sure?”

“Gen I know what you want to hear but I can’t say that. I do need to know you are ok with it but even if you’re not that won’t stop me because I need him. “

“I just don’t know how this is all going to work?”

“This could be nothing, I could be getting my hopes up for no reason but if something does happen tonight, we will figure it out Gen, you and me and the boys and Jen and Danni and JJ, we will all figure it out. I know things have to be different to last time although it makes a huge difference you knowing but things will have to change.”

“I love you Jared.”

“I know babe and I love you too, that is not changing.”

“But…”

“No buts, this may be nothing but a couple of blokes hitting a bar but I need you to know that if Jensen offers more I am taking it with open arms.”

“I understand Jared and I am alright with it I suppose. I just want you to be happy again.”

‘Thanks babe.” He said and leaned over the counter to give her a kiss

 

Jensen had everything set up for tonight and was now sitting at the table with JJ helping her eat breakfast. He was almost jigging in his seat.

“Jensen calm down.” Danni said as she came over to give JJ some toast and kiss her husband on the forehead

“I’m trying but I can’t. I’m nervous and excited. What if he says no?”

“Like he’s gonna say no. Babe you two love each other and you said things went well in San Diego.”

“Yeah and then we went home and everything went back to the way it was before the weekend.”

“He was sick, it’s hard to romantic when you feel nauseous all the time babe trust me.”

“He’s been through so much.”

“You both have, we all have but I think this is it, the end of all that.”

“Thanks Danni. You don’t think what I’ve done is too girly?”

“Babe there is no such thing as too girly but no I think it’s fantastic and I think he will love it and you.”

“God I hope so.” He said as he jumped up to give her a hug.

 

TBC


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it people - the end - I hope you enjoyed it. I breaks my heart to say goodbye to these characters but you have to let go at some time. I hope you appreciated the love story.   
> Please feel free to leave comments and opinions.  
> Thank you for reading

Jensen pulled up at Jared’s house about midafternoon. He had been trying to stop himself coming over since just after breakfast and had been distracting himself all morning, after lunch he accidentally dozed off and Danni let him sleep saying hopefully he would need his energy tonight.

He called out to everyone as he opened the front door, as he did every time  and heard yelling and squealing as the boys came running from wherever they had been playing. Genevieve then wandered in and Jared looked over the balustrade at him and asked what he needed…

“Just bathers man and casual clothes for tonight.” And Jared disappeared.

“So Jensen it is Jared’s birthday tomorrow.”

“I am aware Genevieve.” He said with a sarcastic smile as he looked up at her from the boy’s level where he was playing with them.

“The kids will want to spend some time with him before he heads back up.”

“If we’re not home later tonight I will have him home in time for breakfast tomorrow ok.”

“What’s your plans?”

“Just relaxing and dinner.” He shrugged casually

“Is that all?”

“What are you asking Genevieve?”

“Is this just friends getting together or is this boyfriends getting back together?”

“This is just a casual afternoon and dinner, nothing to jump to conclusions over.”

“And what if turns into something different?” She asked and Jensen just smiled before going back to playing with the kids until Jared came down.

 

“So what’s the plan man?” Jared asked as they climbed into the car

“Just an afternoon on the water, I thought we could take the boat out, clear the cob webs, have a swim.”

“Yeah that’d be great” Jared replied and rested his head back on the seat as Jensen headed out to the boat house.

When they got there Jared scooped up their two bags and went to take them upstairs.

“Nah man just leave em there, we only got a couple of hours of warmth left, we’ll take em up when we get back.” Jensen said and started untying the boat. He had the esky of beer and towels in there already, prepared to get moving and keep Jared away from upstairs.

 

Jared took the helm and cranked it up as they hit open water. He had taken off his shirt and Jensen got the joy of siting back with his sunglasses on and admiring the view. Once they got a ways out Jared turned the boat off and turned to Jensen

“So are we going to have to talk?” he asked awkwardly as he air quoted the word _talk_

“God I hope not I just want to chill for a couple of hours.” Jensen said and leaned down to get them beers.

Jared flopped down beside him with his sunglasses on and sighed as he let his body absorb the sun.

They spent a couple of hours just relaxing, having the occasional swim, having a few beers, not too many, Jared still had to get them home, and listening to music. There were bouts of talking and gossip and bouts of silence as they just let the day wash over them.

They headed back when they could see a thunder storm building in the distance. The air had gone still, the humidity had doubled and the heat was heavy.

When they got back to the boat house Jensen jumped off to tie it up and Jared their towels and the esky.

“Go jump in the shower man and I’ll make sure everything is taken care of.” Jensen said and Jared shrugged as he grabbed his bag and headed to the downstairs shower, Jensen was glad he knew his habits. He raced upstairs and got things set up.

Danni had come out with him yesterday afternoon and help set up the lights that he had scattered around the room and the candles that looked a little manlier by being large and in lantern jars.

He got the bottle of wine ready and opened the sliding doors out onto the terrace where he lit three bamboo torches for atmosphere and to keep the bugs away. He then quickly jumped in the upstairs shower, did a quick spin and jumped out again. He wanted to be ready when Jared came up.

This was officially Jared’s boat house although he called it theirs and Jensen had taken the liberty of rearranging some of the furniture and adding a piece this morning.

He heard Jared coming up the stairs and grabbed the glasses of wine before going to meet him at the top. As Jared finished the final stairs his eyes scooted around the room and a gentle blush rose on his cheeks making Jensen silently groan.

“Happy Birthday” Jensen said before tapping his glass to Jared’s and raising it to his mouth.

“Jen…what…?”

“I thought we could have dinner here and talk.” He stepped back and let Jared continue up the stairs.

Jared took in the romantic lighting, the terrace set up for dinner and the added furniture before turning to look back at Jensen with one eyebrow raised

“I can’t believe we never thought of it before this.” Jensen said with a shrug before walking over to the fridge to pull out the salads Danni had prepared and the meat that had been marinating. Jared watched him and then walked outside to start the small barbeque they had here.

“Looks like we might get that storm.” Jared said conversationally as he leaned against the rail. The dark clouds were rolling their way in noisily and lightning could be seen. The atmosphere around them was full of electricity and Jared smiled as he felt it seep into his body. He had always loved a good storm but he knew Jensen wasn’t necessarily a fan. “You ok here or do you want to head home?” he asked as he turned to him

“Why? Because of the storm? Nah man I’m here and with you. It’s all good.” Jensen said as he dropped the meat on the grill.

They sat on the balcony to eat and had just finished as the rain started hitting them. Jared grabbed the plates and the food and rushed it inside while Jensen put out the lanterns, and secured the furniture. He then closed the glass doors but kept the blinds open so they could look out at the storm. He then turned around and looked at Jared

“God you’re beautiful” he blurted. Jared’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes bright with the excitement of the storm around them, he could almost see Jared vibrating as he absorbed the electricity in the air.

“Jen.” He whispered with a blush and looked down.

“Come and sit down and we’ll talk while we watch this blow over.” Jensen said and Jared sighed before sliding down at the other end of the couch from him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Jensen sighed and took the first step…

“Do you want to talk about last weekend?”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me, I was just overcome with everything that had happened, that wasn’t fair on you and I’m sorry”

“Are you kidding me? We kissed for the first time in weeks and it was one of the best days I’ve had in ages and you’re apologizing? I don’t want you to apologise Jay, I loved it.”

“Yeah but it’s not fair on you with everything that has happened.”

“Ok let’s not talk about that right this second. How’s the new medication going?”

“Great. I feel a lot better both in my head and my gut.”

“I am so glad to hear that, I’ve been worried for you this past week.”

“I’m sorry Jensen.”

“Ok that was the last sorry I hear from you. No more sorrys, we’re done with that.”

“But…”

“Nope, done, got it.” Jensen said forcefully and Jared blushed as he nodded, “God please stop blushing.” Jensen groaned

“What? Why?” Jared asked in surprise

“Because it makes me think all sorts of x-rated thigs.” Jensen said with own cheeks flushed now.

“Jen.”

“See here’s the thing Jay, I’m gonna tell it like it is, I need you in my life.”

“I am.” He frowned in confusion

“No I need you in my life Jay, not to quote Dean but there aint no me without you.  The world is dull, it’s like being colour blind. I need you with me to bring back the colours, bring back the light. I know that sounds gay but so be it. I need you next to me Jay or I don’t know how the next fifty years is going to go.”

“I’ve done so much damage over the last months.”

“Look we’ll start slow like we did the first time if you want but I want to go back to sharing a bed with you. We don’t have to do anything I just need you next to me man and then later, if you think you might be ready, then maybe we can go back to the way we were but I just need you next to me Jay please.”

“Jensen you shouldn’t be selling this to me I should be trying to convince you, I broke it I should be trying to fix it.”

“There is nothing to fix. I know why you did what you did. Although I know people know about your depression and you’re medication I’m pretty sure I’m the only one you told about why it happened. Correct?” Jared nodded, “So that was your secret to me and now I will tell you a secret that no one else knows. I hate myself for not being able to help you get better…no don’t say anything.” Jensen said and held up his hand as Jared flew forward with his mouth open to stop Jensen, “The other week when you were sitting there explaining what happened and how you were going to get better because you had medication now I hated myself with everything that was in me for not seeing that you were going through this and not being able to fix it. I hated that I could not fix you and that you had to go to someone for professional help.”

“Jensen stop, please stop, you have nothing to blame yourself for…”

“I know you say this would have happened anyway but you were being diplomatic. If I had been supportive, if I had seen what you were going through we could have fixed this together. I should have made you tell Genevieve ages ago, come what may, and if that was the end of it so be it, I would have left Danni and it would have been the two of us.”

“You don’t want to leave Danni.”

“No I don’t, I’m not gonna lie but you come first every single time in every single scenario that this played or plays out you come first Jared and I should have told you that and not left you floundering thinking you were a grown man who could figure this out for himself because I was wrong, neither of us could figure this out by ourselves. I needed you and I needed Danni to get to this place I am at now but you had no one and you needed that support system and I wasn’t there. I hate myself for not being there.”

“Jensen you have been there since that night nine years ago when I drunkenly blurted out I loved you. You have to stop talking…”

“No let me finish. I was also thinking we should tell our families. They need to know, you need them to know so you have someone you can turn to talk to.”

“And if they hate me and never talk to me again? I mean come on how do you even explain that you and I are both married with kids but are in a relationship?”

“You know what man? We were scared of that at first, as well we should have been, we were young, but we’ve been in each other’s families lives for nine years now, our families have seen us together, I don’t think they’d be as surprised or as disgusted as you think and if they are? Then we get through this together with our wives but I just want to make sure you are happy and have all the support you need Jay. I need you to be good, that is all that matters to me in this life.”

“Jensen…”

“Ok hang on, one more thing, and this one you will hate me for and probably hit me but I have to clear the air and get everything out in the open so you can make a decision with all the information.”

“Go on.”

“I hate that you are on medication.”

“What?” Jared yelped

“I know you need it and you know I know fully the journey of depression and the stigma that goes with it. You know I have no problem with mental illness and I understand everything you are going through, this has nothing to do with you, this is one hundred percent me being selfish. I wanted to think you could be fixed just by being with me, I wanted to think I had the power to fix you. This has nothing to do with the medication and everything to do with the fact that I am so conceited I thought I could fix you.”

“Jensen please stop you’re hurting me.” Jared leaned over and grabbed one of Jensen’s hands, squeezing it tight

“Why? Because I told you I hate that you’re on drugs?”

“No because you’re sitting there telling me you hate yourself and you can’t hate you I won’t let you. I love you too much to listen to you sit here saying all this stuff about yourself. Stop please.”

“You still love me?” Jensen whispered as he looked down at their clenched hands

“God I love you so much, loving you was never the problem, everything else was. If we could have lived in a little bubble away from the rest of the world forever, just you and me, I would have been perfect, but we can’t, I have to face reality, your love and my love for you kept me going for nine years before all this happened. I have never stopped loving you.”

“Jay…”

“God it’ so hot in here. I need some air” Jared interrupted Jensen to jump up and open the terrace door. Wind and rain came whistling through so Jared stepped outside and shut the door again. Jensen sat there for a minute watching Jared’s hair blow in the wind and his clothes mold to his body as they got wet before he sighed and went out there

Jared had just admitted he still loved him which gave him hope and a hard on, now watching Jared outside with his eyes closed, face up to let the rain wash away the sweat and his clothes sticking to him Jensen was so hard it was painful and he had to go to him, to hope Jared wanted what he wanted. Them together in every way again.

He came up quietly behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, “Jay?’ he whispered

Jared spun around and scooped Jensen up before turning around again and pressing Jensen’s back into the rail as he dropped his mouth and started frantically eating at Jensen’s lips. His tongue thrust in and he licked and tasted and bit and sucked every single taste out of Jensen.

“Fuck Jay” Jensen groaned as he grabbed Jared’s collar and tried to pull him in closer as if that was even possible. He was home.  He was completely hard and his heart was pounding but he also felt the sense a calmness of being at home and whole again, this is all he needed in this world, Jared in his arms.

“Thunder storms man.” Jared growled as he pulled his mouth away and started biting down Jensen’s neck, dragging his teeth across the soft skin, the taste of salty sweat mixing with the taste of wine he had inhaled from Jensen’s mouth and the rain water running down his neck.

Jensen slid his hands down and then up under the material of Jared’s shirt, his fingers danced and the palms of his hands ran across his taut stomach and hard chest. Meanwhile Jared’s hands had slid down into Jensen’s jeans and he was now clasping the bare skin of his ass and pulling him onto his knee which he had slid between Jensen’s legs. All the time licking and sucking at Jensen’s lips and throat and collar bone and anywhere else he could reach bare skin.

“Shirt off” he growled so low Dean almost came and stepped back about a half an inch, just enough so the material could sweep over their heads. The rain was bucketing down and thunder could be felt vibrating above them and Jared growled even lower as his head dipped to lick and suck at Jensen’s nipples. Meanwhile his fingers were still dancing over the flesh of his ass and slowly sliding up and down the crack in the middle. Jensen was cursing and swearing and moaning under his breath, head thrown back wantonly and blatantly riding Jared’s knee.

“Jared I’m gonna…I can’t…I need…”

“I know what you need baby.” Jared growled and slid his hands out before going to the front of his jeans and releasing Jensen’s hard and almost dripping cock to the cool wet breeze, he then undid his own jeans and pulled himself out, all the while assaulting Jensen’s mouth with his own. His hands were wet with the rain pouring on them and Jared scooped up both cocks and started pumping, there was no tenderness here, neither of them wanted it, it was hard and fast and rough and Jensen came as Jared leaned over and the sucked on the sensitive skin of his ear; Jensen coming and pushing into Jared had him going over the edge and they stood there panting, with their foreheads resting on each other, until they had calmed down.

“Fuck I missed that.” Jared mumbled as he started dropping kisses all over Jensen’s face and licking at rivulets of rain as they ran down his freckled cheeks.

“Oh God me too. Ready to go inside?”

“This storm is kinda doing it for me man but you and me on that bed you so thoughtfully had assembled, not gonna turn that down.” Jared leaned down to help Jensen out of the denim that was stuck to him, “Holy fuck Jensen what the holy fuck are those?” Jared’s eyes were bugging out of his head and he was almost hyperventilating at the sight of Jensen in soft lace boxer briefs.

“You like them?”

“I think you’re lucky I didn’t notice them before or I’m pretty sure I would have plowed straight into you ready or not lubed or not they are so fucking hot I am hard again.” Jared said but he was still on his knees running his fingers and hands all over the material, he couldn’t draw his eyes away from Jensen’s ever growing cock inside the white lace that was now damp with rain

“I was so hoping I was going to get to show you these tonight?” Jensen purred as Jared started cupping him through the material

“Fuck me, what do they feel like?” Jared asked conversationally although he was still stroking and Jensen was finding it very hard to concentrate on anything except Jared’s warm skin against his hotter cock

“Fucking amazing man, with you in the room and these on I’m surprised I didn’t explode hours ago.”

“Jensen.” Jared growled and leaned forward, biting at Jensen’s cock through the lace while his fingers cupped and fondled his balls, “I don’t know if I want to take these off you.” He said as he pulled the material down a little so he could suck the head of Jensen’s cock into his mouth tasting both his and Jensen’s come and moaning in pure pleasure, causing Jensen to arch into him

“I’m glad you like them Jay and there will be plenty of other times to share the pleasure of them but babe I need to be in you now, it has been months, I need you now.”

“Oh yeah.” Jared growled and pulled off his own denim, revealing he had been commando all evening and making Jensen swear again.  He then leaned onto the railing and put his ass up in the air for Jensen to see.

“Fuck babe what are you doing?” he growled as he ran his hands over his gorgeous globes of skin and up and down his spine leaving goosebumps in his wake.

“A preview, see anything there you want to play with?” Jared smirked over his shoulder and Jensen fell to his knees and pulled his two cheeks apart before thrusting his tongue into Jared, holding him as he jerked and pushed back. “Fuck Jen, yes, Oh God, Fuck, more, I want more.”

One of Jensen’s hands slid up across his hips and up his abs until Jared grabbed it and took it up and into his mouth, sucking in his fingers hard. His tongue lathed at them as his lips sucked and Jensen let out a loud moan that ricocheted up Jared’s ass making him clench on his tongue. He then pulled his hand away and brought it back down to slide one saliva lubed finger into Jared.

“Fuck Jen yes.” Jared growled as he pushed back on the finger and Jensen’s mouth that was still there licking and sucking away, “More.” He groaned and Jensen gently inserted a second finger. He moved and scissored and played with Jared’s ring, staring at the pink flesh in awe as it puckered and quivered. Jared leaned down, held Jensen’s hand in place and started fucking himself on it while chanting his name.

“Jared, inside now.” Jensen growled while pulling his hand away from Jared and walking very uncomfortably inside with his erection almost bouncing on his stomach. He grabbed the lube he had hidden in the couch and as soon as Jared was in the door manhandled him to push him down on his stomach on the coffee table. He then spread Jared’s cheeks again and shoved two fingers back in, Jared pushed up against them, thrusting but trying to find purchase with his wet skin against the sleek wood. “Hold on.” Jensen said and buried himself in Jared to the hilt. He needed this, was desperate for this and was nowhere near as gentle as he could have been but he did not have the patience left to ease in, he needed to be in and up to his ass in Jared and he needed it now. Jared let out a load swear word and spread his knees wider apart as he held onto the sides of the coffee table and let Jensen ride him hard and fast. He was spewing out dirty words of encouragement and Jensen gritted his teeth as he pounded into him. He could feel his balls getting tight, this was going to be over quickly but they had all night, so he reached down and grabbed Jared’s cock with one hand, pumping and squeezing it almost punishingly hard but Jared was up for it and was pushing himself into the fist before arching up taking Jensen’s cock as deep as he could. They both let out roars at the same time as they exploded and Jared was thankful the boat house was secluded. The sound was probably echoing up and down the river at the moment but he didn’t care.

They were both gasping for breath and Jared grumbled as Jensen gently pulled out. They both then collapsed onto the rug and stared up at the ceiling as they tried to get some strength back.

“I love you Jared.”

“I guessed that.”

“We need to be together, I need to be with you man.”

“I love you too Jen, I’ve missed you and this so much, lying in that fucking other bedroom up there thinking of you in our bedroom.”

“I hate that bedroom.” Jensen growled and Jared let out a bark of laughter

“Shower?”

“If you can move you go first while I get feeling back in my legs.” Jensen said as he kept looking at the ceiling. The shower here could definitely only hold one of them.

“Don’t suppose you happen to have another pair of those boxers floating around do you?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Jensen teased and Jared leaned over to drink from his mouth again before rising and going to the shower.

Jensen came out of the shower and looked around, Jared had gone before him and now the bed was empty as was the room, he had a minute of panic before he saw him back out on the balcony. The storm had blown over them so although you could still hear it, the rain had stopped. Jared was out there just in his underwear, leaning against the railing, looking up at the sky.

“Hey.” He said quietly as he opened the door and leaned against the jamb.

“Jen I don’t hate you for saying you wish I wasn’t on the anti-depressants, I’m pretty sure I would feel the same way if the situation were reversed. You need to know you did not cause this and there was nothing you could have done to help it. I had to hit rock bottom before I could get better and I have and I am and I’m sorry I took you with me. Yes you told me not to say sorry anymore and I get it but please hear this last one. I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me and we can be together again because I hear you man, the world is a colder, darker place without you next to me.”

“What about Genevieve?”

“Same as you and Danni. I told her this morning that I would be the luckiest man in the world if you wanted to get back together with me and that I would say yes in an instant if you did.”

“So she’s ok with us because I meant it Jay I don’t really want to leave Danni and JJ but I would.”

“No families are being broken up over us Jen, Gen still has a few things to grasp but we are good.”

“I was thinking we needed a place of our own since it’s not fair on the girls if someone has to leave a house so we can have time together and selfishly it’s not fair on you and I when we have to be careful in case a kid walks in at any time and I was looking at apartments when I realised this place here, the boat house. If you don’t mind I think it’s a perfect retreat for us.”

“Are you serious? I fucking love it and you’re right I’m surprised neither of us thought of this ages ago.” Jared said as he held out his hand for Jensen but Jensen shook his head and nodded towards the house again before turning and walking inside.

He went and sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Jared to join him.

“Now your birthday present.” He said and Jared blushed, “No not yet but I like your thinking…this.” He said and handed Jared a ring box. Jared opened it up and inside was a silver titanium ring, very similar to but not quite his wedding ring

“What?” he frowned, confused

“It’s a promise ring.” Jensen said and pulled another box out with one for himself, again very similar to his own wedding ring. When Jared took his out of the box he saw it was engraved.

_My soul mate. My other half_

“Jen…” Jared whispered and Jensen took the ring from his hands, holding it up while he talked

“We have wedding rings that we wear when we are with our wives because we made promises to them but these are for us to wear when we are together. I promise to look after you and stand by you and support any decisions that you make. I promise to make sure you take your medication, protect you from any fucking idiots in the world no matter what it takes and I promise to call you on your shit. I even promise not to punch that fucking Amell douche next time I see him even though every bone in my body wants to and I promise to be with you until I die.” Jensen said seriously and then slid off Jared’s wedding ring and slid this one on in it’s place. He then took off his wedding ring off and slid his ring on.

“But…”

“It’s only for tonight and then tomorrow we put our wedding rings back on. And then as soon as we are on a plane to Vancouver, they come off and these go on. I mean it Jay it’s you and me forever man.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about Stephen Amell, I didn’t tell you because you were a little crazy that night but I did see him, I did know what he was doing.”

“Jay?”

“Maybe in the future we might be friends again, he’s not a bad bloke when he’s sober but I have no interest in the guy no matter how drunk I am, it’s only you Jen the same way I know there is nothing going on between you and Misha no matter how territorial I get when I see him in your space which, as you know, is my space.”

“Babe I don’t think you have any idea how hot it is when you start banging your chest, makes me so hot for you.”

“Really?” Jared growled with eyebrows raised.

“Misha is Misha Jared there is absolutely nothing there.”

“I love you Jensen.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Jensen’s.

“God I have missed hearing you say that.” Jensen said and kissed him back, “So we’ll keep doing the show until it runs it’s course or until you and I decide we can’t hide any more than we’ve got that winery. We can build a large house with different wings…”

“Jen we don’t need to think into the future we just need to take each day at a time right next to each other.”

“Are you sure? I just want to make sure you are ok and happy?”

“Are we spending the night here?”

“Yes.”

“And are you planning on making love to me again?”

“At least two more times.”

“And do you promise in future to wear those gorgeous boxers again?”

“Yes and I will even get you some if you want.”

“Fuck yeah but Jen that’s it, that’s all I need for now. I love you.”

“Keep saying it babe just keep saying it.” Jensen said as he gently pushed Jared back onto the bed.

 

THE END

 


End file.
